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Nucka's in a beautiful parking lot somewhere (obit)


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#251 sarah b.

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Posted 23 October 2010 - 06:00 AM

He was waiting for a spot to open up at the subox clinic, so he went to see his doctor, who gave him methadone (in the meantime). He'd been doing a lot better, post-rehab, and he was definitely trying and doing better than he had been, say, six months ago.

When THC and I spoke, his parents were awaiting the toxicology report. She's basically done girlfriend duty, even though she's been his ex for a while, through all of this, and she hasn't mentioned the test results since. I'm not going to nudge her; I don't reckon she wants to nudge parents who just lost their only son.

Whatever the cause was, finding out what it was won't bring him back, so I'm inclined to just let it be. If it wasn't a case of him doing the same (pre-rehab) amount of methadone and that being too much and that killed him, then he it's possible he got high and died.

UBC spoke to him on the phone more recently than anyone here (that I'm aware of), and he was tired, but optimistic. So I'm guessing it was a whoops with the methadone.

And f'g sh!t that there wasn't a spot for him at the subox clinic yet, 'cause he might still be alive, if it was methadone that did him in. And f'ing sh!t if he died from doing what methadone subs for, 'cause he'd been doing so well. Will we ever know? I don't know.

I'm going with what I read on his fb profile and how UBC said he sounded, and guessing it was too much methadone by accident. One can argue that either way, his addiction did him in, and I wouldn't waste energy arguing. "If the thunder don't get you, then the lightning will." At the same time, reading over his fb posts from his last month or so, it was clear he was working on internal issues; he knew that his drug_use was an attempt to self-medicate something that his meds of choice couldn't effectively tame. So was it drug_addiction? Yes and no. He wasn't well, by the time he was on his way to better, he knew it, and certainly past attempts at self-medication weren't effective. And that sucks. I'm glad he didn't die in pain, and I miss (the healthier) him. :heart:

I don't know of anyone who ever planned on becoming addicted to hard_drugs. Folks from my high school class -- smart, beautiful, sharp, often chronically depressed folks -- who don't want to feel their pain. For that, I can't blame them. Other folks from the same graduating class just keep themselves super-busy, so they don't have time to think. They cope by not coping. People choose different ways of dealing with stuff (I'm sorry; I know I'm just kind of rambling, now; I realize most people understand all of this). There were times when I had to step back, 'cause he wasn't being himself. It was hard. Hard for him, too, I imagine, if he noticed.

I don't know anyone who hasn't had to learn to roll with life's punches. I don't know why opiates really work for some people, and others aren't attracted to them. Me, I don't like needles or putting stuff up my nose. I did a like of American Smarties in 5th grade, in math class, and it tickled my nose and it hurt and it made me sneeze. I never wanted to do that again. Needles that have stuff inside them? I don't like ouch on purpose. Post-surgery, morphine was the biggest waste -- it did nothing for me. Some folks like coffee, some folks like lemonade. Good night.


#252 TEO

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Posted 23 October 2010 - 12:48 PM

:heart: "Stop that train, I'm leaving..." :heart:

(((sarah b.)))

#253 wookie luvvah

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Posted 23 October 2010 - 04:07 PM

but he was trying


He was definitely trying - he was not a quitter - that was apparent. Took a lot of strength to keep moving forward.

This death reminds me of a friend I lost years ago - he reached a push comes to shove point, hospitalized, getting to a better place, following all the recommendations, doing the right stuff - and then one night he went to sleep and then he didn't wake up. While he looked as though he was winning over his demons - in the end those fuckers won.

Much love to his family throughout all of this - Pete sends his love as well.

#254 PeaceFrog

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Posted 23 October 2010 - 04:08 PM

thanks, Sarah.

#255 Cheezdude

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Posted 23 October 2010 - 07:00 PM

Thank you for this Sarah. I never met him, but knew him from the board. He'll be missed.
R.I.P. Nucka (((((((Family and friends)))))))

#256 BHB

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Posted 25 October 2010 - 03:19 AM

wish I had a better pic to share, but its the only i still lhave. from kia's house party 02.

haha.. oh tim. :lol::heart:
Posted Image

#257 sarah b.

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Posted 25 October 2010 - 05:20 AM

It's perfect! :grin: :lol: back in the "don't talk to me on lot" days. :lol:

#258 PieDoh

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Posted 26 October 2010 - 12:43 AM

I was in Tim's "neighborhood" today. Delivered in Salem, Danvers, Saugus...


The trees were in their fall beauty, it was a misty cloudy day...I wondered if he knew what he is "supposed" to be doing in the afterlife....I wondered if he had the focus on life to head towards the light...I hope he does.

:heart:

#259 TigerRose

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Posted 26 October 2010 - 02:08 AM

We had a very nice and honest PM exchange back in July. I had looked forward to meeting him and sorry I'll never get the chance. If there is reincarnation, I hope that through all our collective words he's been able to get closer to his enlightenment. He surely was aware of his demons and battled them courageously with no denial. To be aware is always a first step.

#260 Bob K

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Posted 26 October 2010 - 05:46 PM

This death reminds me of a friend I lost years ago - he reached a push comes to shove point, hospitalized, getting to a better place, following all the recommendations, doing the right stuff - and then one night he went to sleep and then he didn't wake up. While he looked as though he was winning over his demons - in the end those fuckers won.
.


Was your friend's name Jerry Garcia? :((

#261 KindGeeGirl

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Posted 27 October 2010 - 02:49 PM

DAMN :heart: :heart: :heart:

#262 wookie luvvah

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Posted 27 October 2010 - 05:15 PM

Was your friend's name Jerry Garcia? :((


No. His name was Barry. He was a wonderful man, a favorite friend to go on tour with but was morbidly obese (with some other bad habits as well that didn't help). After a month long hospital stay to address the issue, it was only one week at home before his heart gave out. I still believe the hospital encouraged him to loose too much weight too fast once they stabilized him, but it is what it is and another young life lost too soon.

#263 sarah b.

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Posted 27 October 2010 - 06:17 PM

((friends and family of the loved not walking earth))

#264 Bonsai

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Posted 29 October 2010 - 04:42 PM

R.I.P. :heart:

#265 mug

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Posted 30 October 2010 - 03:47 PM

I never met the man, but I read many of his threads. He certainly knew the power of the written word. I can't help but feel his spirit on these boards in recent weeks of his passing.

#266 Karen

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Posted 31 October 2010 - 05:19 AM

He was waiting for a spot to open up at the subox clinic, so he went to see his doctor, who gave him methadone (in the meantime). He'd been doing a lot better, post-rehab, and he was definitely trying and doing better than he had been, say, six months ago.

When THC and I spoke, his parents were awaiting the toxicology report. She's basically done girlfriend duty, even though she's been his ex for a while, through all of this, and she hasn't mentioned the test results since. I'm not going to nudge her; I don't reckon she wants to nudge parents who just lost their only son.

Whatever the cause was, finding out what it was won't bring him back, so I'm inclined to just let it be. If it wasn't a case of him doing the same (pre-rehab) amount of methadone and that being too much and that killed him, then he it's possible he got high and died.

UBC spoke to him on the phone more recently than anyone here (that I'm aware of), and he was tired, but optimistic. So I'm guessing it was a whoops with the methadone.

And f'g sh!t that there wasn't a spot for him at the subox clinic yet, 'cause he might still be alive, if it was methadone that did him in. And f'ing sh!t if he died from doing what methadone subs for, 'cause he'd been doing so well. Will we ever know? I don't know.

I'm going with what I read on his fb profile and how UBC said he sounded, and guessing it was too much methadone by accident. One can argue that either way, his addiction did him in, and I wouldn't waste energy arguing. "If the thunder don't get you, then the lightning will." At the same time, reading over his fb posts from his last month or so, it was clear he was working on internal issues; he knew that his drug_use was an attempt to self-medicate something that his meds of choice couldn't effectively tame. So was it drug_addiction? Yes and no. He wasn't well, by the time he was on his way to better, he knew it, and certainly past attempts at self-medication weren't effective. And that sucks. I'm glad he didn't die in pain, and I miss (the healthier) him. :heart:

I don't know of anyone who ever planned on becoming addicted to hard_drugs. Folks from my high school class -- smart, beautiful, sharp, often chronically depressed folks -- who don't want to feel their pain. For that, I can't blame them. Other folks from the same graduating class just keep themselves super-busy, so they don't have time to think. They cope by not coping. People choose different ways of dealing with stuff (I'm sorry; I know I'm just kind of rambling, now; I realize most people understand all of this). There were times when I had to step back, 'cause he wasn't being himself. It was hard. Hard for him, too, I imagine, if he noticed.

I don't know anyone who hasn't had to learn to roll with life's punches. I don't know why opiates really work for some people, and others aren't attracted to them. Me, I don't like needles or putting stuff up my nose. I did a like of American Smarties in 5th grade, in math class, and it tickled my nose and it hurt and it made me sneeze. I never wanted to do that again. Needles that have stuff inside them? I don't like ouch on purpose. Post-surgery, morphine was the biggest waste -- it did nothing for me. Some folks like coffee, some folks like lemonade. Good night.


((Sarah)) Nucka was blessed to have a friend in you. You have honored his spirit so lovingly, so honestly, so well.

I feel honored to call you a friend. :heart:

May the road rise to meet him, you, his family and his friends.


An Old Irish Blessing

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand

Please replace 'God' for whatever you believe in ....:heart:

#267 sarah b.

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Posted 02 November 2010 - 05:28 AM

thanks, mama. I believe in you. :) And lots of other people, too, myself included.

#268 unbroken_chain

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Posted 02 November 2010 - 01:14 PM

:heart:

#269 i3lkpeter

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Posted 06 November 2010 - 04:37 AM

This shit sux. God speed Nucka. lotrats forever.

#270 crazyredbeard

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Posted 06 November 2010 - 10:51 AM

You know, I hadn't given my full attention to Nucka's passing until now. And as I sit here, my eyes are filling with tears.

Here is to EVERYONE here and gone that has carried the heaviest weights. This reminds me of a song that William Walter sings so I figured I'd post it here.

Listen to it here and think of Nucka. The song is called HOME.

http://www.myspace.com/williamwalterco



May there be a peaceful place for you in Heaven and for all of us who feel displaced, strange, misunderstood...no more pain, no more pain....

"There's a beauty to these stars tonight...on this highway where your soul took flight...I'll say a prayer for you tonight and hope you make it home."

#271 sums

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Posted 06 November 2010 - 06:32 PM

An Old Irish Blessing

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand

Please replace 'God' for whatever you believe in ....:heart:


until we meet again, may the goddess hold you in the hollow of her hand

(i learned it at a hippy herbal gathering ;) )

#272 BHB

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Posted 09 November 2010 - 03:36 AM

:heart:

#273 GDMFSOB

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Posted 14 November 2010 - 05:31 AM

R.I.P. I haven't been on the boards in a couple of years and just decided tonight to see what was up here. This is the first post I've read. I used to run into him at it seems like every show and festival I went to. Great guy. Had some good long late-night talks with him. My deepest sympathies to his family and close friends.

#274 sarah b.

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Posted 14 November 2010 - 10:04 AM

Sucky way to be welcomed home. I'm sorry. ((GDMFSOB)) :heart:

#275 Mind Left Body

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Posted 16 November 2010 - 11:55 AM

OMG!! I haven't been here for a bit but this is terrible to hear. WOW!! RIP Tim.

#276 Mind Left Body

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Posted 16 November 2010 - 05:28 PM

I have been thinking about Tim since I read this. I remember he needed a place to crash in Burlington for a night or two quite some time ago. I gladly had him stay and he was nothing but a gentleman. So sad to hear this.

#277 unbroken_chain

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Posted 17 November 2010 - 03:28 AM

I scroll past the number/listing NUCKA on my cell every day..... can't just delete it. :sad:

#278 sarah b.

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Posted 17 November 2010 - 05:42 AM

I hear ya. I'm sorry this is how you found out, MLB. Glad you got to spend some time with him. :heart:

#279 sums

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Posted 17 November 2010 - 06:38 PM

i'm unsticking this thread, with all due respect :heart:

it doesn't mean we can't bump it....

#280 sarah b.

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Posted 17 November 2010 - 06:45 PM

I was going to say, can you please move it to wharf rats, so it doesn't get lost in a date-based deletion? (that is, if the lower-post boards don't also undergo date-based deletions) (or ... can we just add a Memory Lane forum for folks to post in about their missed loved ones, as well as to remember those among us not walking earth? We'll only see more folks go, as years go by.) (and all the love in the world to Tim, but it was stickied plenty long)

#281 sums

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Posted 17 November 2010 - 06:53 PM

i'll move it to wharf rats :heart:

#282 sarah b.

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Posted 18 November 2010 - 03:09 AM

Thanks, sums. :heart:

#283 sarah b.

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Posted 28 November 2010 - 12:31 AM

Too bad stuff that's locked, like this, will get cut: http://gatheringofth...?t=45835&page=3 I still think of Tim often. I understand why some folks projected stuff at him (I'm not saying it was right, but at least I understand where they were coming from. Tim could be less than warm and fuzzy, sometimes. It's hard to not be compassionate; I felt backed into a corner from which I couldn't fulfill his requests due to his lashing out, sometimes ... and the cat just knocked over my soda, reminding me that I should keep the cap on when I'm not drinking it. sleep sounds very good, right now. much love, all.

#284 TEO

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Posted 28 November 2010 - 03:19 AM

(((sarah.B)))

I've been thinking of him often as well. :heart:

#285 unbroken_chain

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Posted 22 December 2010 - 03:51 PM

Posted Image

:heart: :sad::heart:

#286 sarah b.

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Posted 25 December 2010 - 10:27 PM

((his folks and local friends missing him today))

#287 musicmomma

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Posted 26 December 2010 - 01:06 AM

:heart:

#288 KittyRocks

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Posted 27 December 2010 - 11:26 PM

sending much love to his family, who i am sure still needs it :heart:

#289 dankvibe

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Posted 28 December 2010 - 11:01 PM

first time back in a real long time...randomly thought I'd check in to the "boards" and this is the first thing I read...very sad, hits home as I'm constantly struggling with my own demons and addictions...I met him once or twice long ago on lot and on the board I always respected and laughed at his honesty and way of cutting away the bullshit in what he said/wrote. Him and I had our own dialogue about self medication and the belief of ourselves over our addictions, he was always very understanding and offered his support/experiences as strength to keep fighting. I send my condolences and love to his friends and family. RIP NUCKA

#290 Mutant

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Posted 02 January 2011 - 06:55 AM

Too bad stuff that's locked, like this, will get cut: http://gatheringofth...?t=45835&page=3 I still think of Tim often.


I agree. Is there any way that the locked threads could be moved to the Wharf Rats forum as well.

For a guy I only spent five to ten minutes with in person, I miss Nucka.

#291 sarah b.

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Posted 06 January 2011 - 02:25 AM

It was moved elsewhere, but it has been preserved. ((Mutant))

#292 KittyRocks

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Posted 06 January 2011 - 03:51 AM

i am thankful for this thread, im not even sure why. not thankful for the news it gives us of course, just... thankful there is someplace to remember

and why, still do my eyes get teary? im not sure.

#293 mindbender89

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Posted 14 January 2011 - 08:01 PM

Oh man...the bad news keeps flowin'....2010 really did suck ass.

R.I.P. Stumbles :heart:

#294 sarah b.

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Posted 23 February 2011 - 04:12 AM

I'm still pissed that he's dead. We're all on the way to death, eventually, and I'm glad he's not in pain; it just hurts, sometimes. Even if I do still feel him with me, when I focus. It's hard. (It's not like we ever dated, or anything, we just cared like that. Hard to explain. Doesn't need to be explained. It just was.) Part of me is still beginning to mourn, I guess. I just ... it sucks that a spirit so intense can be so easily swept from earth like that, even if the sweeping was merciful on the torment he carried like an ever-present knapsack. I hate what addiction did to him. And that he had been doing so much better, and then, POOF! He cared. He cares. It just sucks. Except the part about him not hurting, anymore. I'm sure he's finding a way to make himself miserable, every now and then, wherever he is. ((Tim)) :heart: :lol: God, I miss him.

#295 PeaceFrog

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Posted 25 February 2011 - 01:21 AM

I think about him from time to time.
As the adventure continues, the list of loved ones no longer with us grows longer.

Just a fact of life.
I hope everyone who was affected by this has learned and grown by accepting it. If not, then I only can hope for swift healing.

I don't mean to sound like I'm over it. I don't think I'm "over" anyone I've lost in life (living or dead). You just learn to go on without them.

#296 unbroken_chain

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Posted 28 April 2011 - 08:10 PM

christ... I went a while there and... but he's still gone. :undecided:

#297 Misha

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Posted 28 April 2011 - 10:01 PM

I took out our Spring/Summer clothes over the weekend and there was one of Nucka's shirts amongst the clothes that he left in Howie's van. It said Kidz 4 life on the front and I completely broke down and cried:heart:

#298 sarah b.

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Posted 30 April 2011 - 01:00 AM

Oh, wow. :heart: Lucky to have. Steph and I corresponded recently. She's doing really well.

#299 FreeAsABird

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Posted 17 May 2011 - 09:04 PM

first time back in a real long time...randomly thought I'd check in to the "boards" and this is the first thing I read...very sad, hits home as I'm constantly struggling with my own demons and addictions...I met him once or twice long ago on lot and on the board I always respected and laughed at his honesty and way of cutting away the bullshit in what he said/wrote. Him and I had our own dialogue about self medication and the belief of ourselves over our addictions, he was always very understanding and offered his support/experiences as strength to keep fighting. I send my condolences and love to his friends and family. RIP NUCKA


OMG I had no idea...Horrible...Horrible...Horrible... :heart:

#300 bizzle

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Posted 17 May 2011 - 09:59 PM

:heart: