Issues with dysfunctional parents
Posted 15 March 2012 - 11:14 PM
I haven't talked to my dad in about 2 years (his personality is a lot for me to handle). He lies about stupid things, blame shifts, cuts me off in the middle of sentences/no listening skills, complains about money/"woe is me" complex. Overall pretty miserable guy and I don't really like him as a person. at all.
My mom just told me he and his wife split up. Dad's about 68 yrs old. Now, I guess he's down in Va. alone.
I just can't help but feel sorry for him. I don't know how to reach out. It's so awkward and fake at this point.
But I know if he dies and I haven't made an attempt, I will be the one to carry it.
Where do you start
Posted 15 March 2012 - 11:51 PM
Posted 15 March 2012 - 11:55 PM
Posted 16 March 2012 - 01:03 AM
Reaching out via a letter maybe? Or a card saying 'thinking of you' or something?
Posted 16 March 2012 - 05:42 PM
Posted 31 March 2012 - 04:45 AM
a card is a good place to start
Posted 08 April 2012 - 04:11 PM
i honestly just have to look at it this way i wouldnt be the person i am today otherwise, i was lucky enough to have a supportive father that didnt drop me. Do right by yourself and for the people who lift you up!
i understand it make you crazy cause you want something that your father prob just cant give you...no one can answer this but you!
thank you for sharing your story! i send nothing but positive vibes your way!
Posted 17 April 2012 - 12:23 AM
i didn't talk to my mom for about 8 years. after my dad died last year, i wrote her a letter. i started out just really simple, how dad felt about her, what my kids were doing, etc.
after a couple of letters i told her we needed to talk about the past, about what she did that made me stop talking to her. she said it was in the past and "let's keep it there"
so we just write back and forth. it's ok. it's better than nothing, i guess.
it's a totally different kind of dysfunction than you and your dad, kris. my dad was actually more like your dad and he hurt me a lot with a lot of the things he said but we also had an unconditional love thing going so we could hang. i couldn't hang with him more than a couple of days though... as much as i loved him.
i really enjoyed when my dad and i got e-mail because he had to listen, couldn't cut me off, etc. and writing is "safe". no one right there to hurt you.
Posted 10 June 2012 - 02:03 PM
But I called him last week. Hardest thing I've ever done. I swallowed the horrible abusive memories of my childhood, and for the first time, called him out on it.
What I thought would be a screaming match, actually turned out to be quite cathartic. He didn't yell. For the first time he listened, and he actually heard what I had to say.
We, as children, remember more than our parents do, and rarely do the ever realize the impact of their actions.
And while it will still take me a loooooong time to
Not resent my father for the hell he put me through, and the animosity will take years to fade, picking up that phone and telling him exactly how his actions turned me into the person I am today, it was worth it.
Baby steps, love.
Posted 09 July 2012 - 02:03 AM
I did reach out to my dad. I sent him a card about two weeks ago. I gave him my e-mail addy in case he wanted to stay in touch. He did e-mail me with some life updates and said he was happy that I reached out. I followed up with an e-mail including some pictures of things happening in my life.
While I can't really handle him face to face, I think e-mail exchanges are a way to stay in touch. Don't think it will ever be an authentic relationship, but I'm guessing my dad doesn't even know what that looks like, so I'll embrace what he has to offer all the while guarding my own well-being.
Posted 10 July 2012 - 03:46 AM