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Reluctant sobriety - can it work?


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#1 Tooozday

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Posted 03 March 2012 - 02:21 AM

Has anyone seen a person get clean and dry out against their will? More to the point, has anyone seen someone STAY sober afterwards? I am thinking of such things as court-ordered 12 step programs, or other "forcible treatment" - can this work?
Ultimately, I know each person has to commit to their own sobriety. But as I watch some people struggle, I wonder how much harder it might be for those who are not only unready but unwilling.

Thoughts appreciated, thanks. :rose:

#2 Eco

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Posted 03 March 2012 - 02:37 AM

Not possible in my opinion. I've known a few people that even went to jail because of drinking related issues and within days they sourced a steady diet of jailhouse booze. I could go on and on about forced rehab, family members begging.....a drunk has to have it it his/her heart/soul to make the first step. Even with the willpower to make that first step, the odds will push the drunk back down the stairs....sad and such is life.

On a side note, I gave up drinking cold turkey for a few years after my first child was born. Drinking almost a case of beer on a good/bad day to no booze at all was an easy task for me. Fast forward a few boring years and I took up drinking again but not a case a day.

#3 MeOmYo

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Posted 03 March 2012 - 02:41 AM

Maybe possible, but highly unlikely IMO. As the old saying goes, "if there's a will, there's a way".

#4 roo

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Posted 03 March 2012 - 03:17 AM

Has anyone seen a person get clean and dry out against their will? More to the point, has anyone seen someone STAY sober afterwards? I am thinking of such things as court-ordered 12 step programs, or other "forcible treatment" - can this work?
Ultimately, I know each person has to commit to their own sobriety. But as I watch some people struggle, I wonder how much harder it might be for those who are not only unready but unwilling.

Thoughts appreciated, thanks. :rose:


only speaking from my personal experience.. No. I wasn't ready or willing so it didnt happen for me. It didnt happen for me because i wasnt willing. i wasnt willing because i wasnt ready. i wasnt ready until i personally wanted it. When someone is ready they will know before you do.

#5 George

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Posted 03 March 2012 - 07:08 AM

I was sent to an IOP by my union and was not happy at all about it. I was pissed at the world and did not wnt to be there. I stayed because if I left, I was on the hook for the bill! It was the best thing that ever happened to me. I began to understand things about addiction and learned that actions against my will were just what the doctor ordered. I believe it CAN happen however unlikely.

#6 Tooozday

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Posted 03 March 2012 - 05:52 PM

Thank you for your perspectives and input. I appreciate it. I've got a young relative who's in some substance trouble and his parents are in disagreement about the best way to help him. I've only seen it from the POV of the one who's being told that their choices are not very wise.

#7 In A Silent Way

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Posted 03 March 2012 - 05:57 PM

He has to want it to get it. Nobody recovers by force.

#8 unbroken_chain

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Posted 08 March 2012 - 03:07 PM

:sad:
This has been one of the most fucked up couple of weeks in that regard. She is so beautiful; so intelligent, and all that but.....
will never stop. I need to accept this and move on. can't watch it.

#9 Tim the Beek

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Posted 08 March 2012 - 03:41 PM

((((UC))))

#10 unbroken_chain

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Posted 08 March 2012 - 04:02 PM

as it is to her, she is to me. :bang:

#11 TEO

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Posted 08 March 2012 - 05:14 PM

Love, Light, Strength, Courage & Inner Peace :heart:

#12 Tooozday

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Posted 08 March 2012 - 06:14 PM

can't watch it.


:heart:

#13 unbroken_chain

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Posted 08 March 2012 - 09:41 PM

:undecided: I am (sadly) not inexperienced with the deep addict... buried a few friends here and there... a few success stories along the way... I have my demons but was wise in my mid-twenties when I pledged to *at least* not add any new monkeys to the zoo so to speak, a back can only bear so much weight. (even if they are effectivly once daily maintenance things... )

:sigh:
So she just calls and misses me and wants to see me after work.

this will end with a plea for money. I'd buy the girl anything in the world.... but.... :bang:

sorry to jump in on this thread... she indicates she wants to get clean... but... procrastination is something; in this regard; I've seen go on till the last shovelful hits the box if u get my jist.
I suppose *she* is willing but her body is not.

I told her we could get married and my insurance is the best there is; thus the best treatment. see. I'm stupid in love with her.

#14 TEO

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Posted 08 March 2012 - 11:00 PM

(((unbroken_chain)))

#15 Karen

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Posted 09 March 2012 - 02:15 AM

:undecided: I am (sadly) not inexperienced with the deep addict... buried a few friends here and there... a few success stories along the way... I have my demons but was wise in my mid-twenties when I pledged to *at least* not add any new monkeys to the zoo so to speak, a back can only bear so much weight. (even if they are effectivly once daily maintenance things... )

:sigh:
So she just calls and misses me and wants to see me after work.

this will end with a plea for money. I'd buy the girl anything in the world.... but.... :bang:

sorry to jump in on this thread... she indicates she wants to get clean... but... procrastination is something; in this regard; I've seen go on till the last shovelful hits the box if u get my jist.
I suppose *she* is willing but her body is not.

I told her we could get married and my insurance is the best there is; thus the best treatment. see. I'm stupid in love with her.


I can really identify with the helplessness you are feeling. My ex is an addict and I went through the agony of loving an active addict for many years...tried everything to help him. Driving around looking for him all the time, going into dangerous places to try and drag him home, losing sleep, and much, much, more. He went to so many rehabs, but always to please/appease or was forced, and would relapse each time, shortly after getting out. The insanity reached the point that I chose not to be in his life anymore and I moved on. I knew it was time for me to let go when I started saying him "You know how I can tell when you are lying to me? Your lips are moving."

When I was in the relationship, there were few things anyone could say to give me comfort or to help me let go. Like the addict who isn't ready to get well, I could not release him when I was ready to. :heart:


((UC))

#16 unbroken_chain

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Posted 09 March 2012 - 02:20 PM

yep.

she called this morning, needed to get well... was waiting for me at the office. In tears, saying how she sick life like this; me saying then lets bring you TONIGHT... which I guaranfuckintee is not going to happen.


(enter tommorrow; rinse: repeat :LOOP:)

#17 unbroken_chain

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Posted 09 March 2012 - 02:31 PM

When I was in the relationship, there were few things anyone could say to give me comfort or to help me let go. Like the addict who isn't ready to get well, I could not release him when I was ready to. :heart:


((UC))



I've known this girl for not that long - we met thru mutual friends and it wasnt long before I realized she was tethered.
She disappeared for a bit (attempt at detox/rehab I'd later know) months went by; then she called out of the blue and wanted to hang out - she was in good spirits; fun, we had an amazing time... but the magnets draw too strong it seems.

it's like everyday I try and convince myself that it will be the day she declares she is ready to try again...

:heart:

#18 Tim the Beek

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Posted 09 March 2012 - 02:46 PM

UC, the only unsolicited advice I can give you is, the next time that happens, tell her, "no, but I'll take you to get some help right now." If she says yes, call in to work and take her to a hospital. If she says no, tell her not to contact you until she's ready to say yes. And stick to that.

I realize that's much easier said than done, bu it's the best thing for her, and for you.

Fact: Being dopesick has probably never killed anyone. Being high has.

Don't know if you've ever been to Naranon or Alanon, but they might give you some tools, and help you to feel that you're not alone in what you're dealing with...

#19 Karen

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Posted 09 March 2012 - 03:44 PM

UC, the only unsolicited advice I can give you is, the next time that happens, tell her, "no, but I'll take you to get some help right now." If she says yes, call in to work and take her to a hospital. If she says no, tell her not to contact you until she's ready to say yes. And stick to that.

I realize that's much easier said than done, bu it's the best thing for her, and for you.

Fact: Being dopesick has probably never killed anyone. Being high has.

Don't know if you've ever been to Naranon or Alanon, but they might give you some tools, and help you to feel that you're not alone in what you're dealing with...


This. All of it.

#20 unbroken_chain

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Posted 09 March 2012 - 03:50 PM

UC, the only unsolicited advice I can give you is, the next time that happens, tell her, "no, but I'll take you to get some help right now." If she says yes, call in to work and take her to a hospital. If she says no, tell her not to contact you until she's ready to say yes. And stick to that.

I realize that's much easier said than done, bu it's the best thing for her, and for you.

Fact: Being dopesick has probably never killed anyone. Being high has.

Don't know if you've ever been to Naranon or Alanon, but they might give you some tools, and help you to feel that you're not alone in what you're dealing with...


:cry1:

I already know what will happen, But I'm with you.
I need to prepare to never see her again, like; today.

#21 TEO

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Posted 09 March 2012 - 05:14 PM

I have to agree with Tim and Karen based on my own experiences.
I think that by not drawing the line sooner I took on the roll of enabler.

All best, and it does get easier to stick to it as time goes by. :heart:

#22 unbroken_chain

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Posted 09 March 2012 - 10:03 PM

ok. She called and wants to stay home tonight. *this means its sleepy time I think.
It also gives me my final opportunity to sit there and beg, cry, plead - who knows... she's been leaning... some days more than others. :smile::cry1:

#23 sarah b.

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Posted 11 March 2012 - 04:29 PM

Ah. You're smarter than this. :carla: I know. Love isn't smart.

#24 unbroken_chain

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Posted 12 March 2012 - 12:34 PM

:heart:

#25 unbroken_chain

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Posted 12 March 2012 - 12:56 PM

:sad: gonna miss that girl...

something something accept the things I cannot change something something

#26 MeOmYo

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Posted 12 March 2012 - 12:59 PM

sometimes making decisions sucks.....

:heart:

#27 Tim the Beek

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Posted 12 March 2012 - 01:49 PM

(((Chris)))

#28 In A Silent Way

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Posted 12 March 2012 - 02:00 PM

Detach with love and save your own sanity.

#29 unbroken_chain

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Posted 12 March 2012 - 03:02 PM

yeah. was a long weekend... once again, 80% awesome mixed with... :bang::bang:

#30 TEO

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Posted 12 March 2012 - 03:17 PM

What needs to be healed is the underlying causes. :heart:

#31 unbroken_chain

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Posted 13 March 2012 - 02:56 PM

already going into withdrawals :lol:
:crazy:

#32 unbroken_chain

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Posted 13 March 2012 - 09:28 PM

First of all, I apologize for jumping on this thread... with my own bs. sorry.
this girl just called me... "that's it... I'm tired. My sister is coming and I'm going to Detox, do you want to see me before I go... I may go to directly to jail after that" (blew off some court shit). \
I hope she's serious. I'm going to see her, but she asks me for a dime for one last whatever and I walk.
:heart:

#33 Eco

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Posted 14 March 2012 - 01:04 AM

Sorry about your shit luck UC! Hopefully she comes out of rehab/jail and you folks can connect again if the connection is right.

#34 Tooozday

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Posted 14 March 2012 - 11:48 AM

First of all, I apologize for jumping on this thread... with my own bs. sorry.
this girl just called me... "that's it... I'm tired. My sister is coming and I'm going to Detox, do you want to see me before I go... I may go to directly to jail after that" (blew off some court shit). \
I hope she's serious. I'm going to see her, but she asks me for a dime for one last whatever and I walk.
:heart:



Thread not derailed. I hope she finds what she needs and peace to you.

#35 TEO

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Posted 15 March 2012 - 01:52 PM

Sorry about your shit luck UC! Hopefully she comes out of rehab/jail and you folks can connect again if the connection is right.


:heart:

#36 Tim the Beek

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Posted 15 March 2012 - 05:33 PM

Far from BS, UC.

Good for your disfunctional second family to know what's up. :funny1:

Hang in there.

Sendin' out vibes for this gal, and everyone else who's living under a yoke...

#37 In A Silent Way

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Posted 15 March 2012 - 05:40 PM

Ser-biz, UC. We're here to help. And if we can't help, we'll entertain you with fool comments. :cheesy:

#38 unbroken_chain

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 07:38 PM

:jail:

oh well... can't run fo'evah.

#39 Karen

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Posted 10 April 2012 - 12:00 AM

How long is she in for?

At least she'll be forced to detox now...

#40 unbroken_chain

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Posted 10 April 2012 - 02:12 PM

:dunno:

It could be... a while.

#41 In A Silent Way

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Posted 10 April 2012 - 02:23 PM

Yikes. Jails, institutions, and death are the default destinations.

I hope things work out for the best. :heart:

#42 unbroken_chain

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Posted 10 April 2012 - 06:53 PM

I'd been pullin back a bit anyway - I "love" her and hope for the best, but I've seen enough, and reached out as far as I could.

#43 Tim the Beek

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Posted 11 April 2012 - 03:15 PM

:( Though it may be the best thing for her...

#44 unbroken_chain

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Posted 12 April 2012 - 02:13 PM

she called, not in jail, they sent her to the womens addiction & treatment center... (although the former may be inevitable at this juncture)

I will send her some butts; and if allowed some of her clothes/comfort wear.

#45 Eco

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Posted 12 April 2012 - 05:32 PM

The treatment center sounds like a much better place for her now. I can't imagine having to detox in jail....

#46 KrisNYG

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Posted 12 April 2012 - 10:22 PM

Hang in there UC. I have been through this and I could not agree more with the advice already given in this thread. :heart:

Toozday, yes I believe it is possible but only in the way George talked about.

#47 unbroken_chain

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Posted 11 December 2012 - 04:17 PM

update: since April much changed in *my* life and I had ~primarily~ broken ties with AMD, but the good news is she is currently with family... they will not allow me or ANYONE from her "past" to speak with her.... which sucks cuz I tried to keep her safe in the ways I knew how and knew some of the things I did were enabling but they also kept her out of certain forms of danger.... hard to explain.

Anyway, I'll prolly never see or speak to her again but it's pleasing to know it won't be because she was found cold in a bathroom with a spike or in a dumpster after some trick.