Ultimately, I know each person has to commit to their own sobriety. But as I watch some people struggle, I wonder how much harder it might be for those who are not only unready but unwilling.
Thoughts appreciated, thanks.
Reluctant sobriety - can it work?
Started by
Tooozday
, Mar 03 2012 02:21 AM
46 replies to this topic
#1
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- VibeTribe
- 324 posts
Posted 03 March 2012 - 02:21 AM
Has anyone seen a person get clean and dry out against their will? More to the point, has anyone seen someone STAY sober afterwards? I am thinking of such things as court-ordered 12 step programs, or other "forcible treatment" - can this work?
Ultimately, I know each person has to commit to their own sobriety. But as I watch some people struggle, I wonder how much harder it might be for those who are not only unready but unwilling.
Thoughts appreciated, thanks.
Ultimately, I know each person has to commit to their own sobriety. But as I watch some people struggle, I wonder how much harder it might be for those who are not only unready but unwilling.
Thoughts appreciated, thanks.
#2
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- VibeTribe
- 1,869 posts
- LocationFoxboro MA
Posted 03 March 2012 - 02:37 AM
Not possible in my opinion. I've known a few people that even went to jail because of drinking related issues and within days they sourced a steady diet of jailhouse booze. I could go on and on about forced rehab, family members begging.....a drunk has to have it it his/her heart/soul to make the first step. Even with the willpower to make that first step, the odds will push the drunk back down the stairs....sad and such is life.
On a side note, I gave up drinking cold turkey for a few years after my first child was born. Drinking almost a case of beer on a good/bad day to no booze at all was an easy task for me. Fast forward a few boring years and I took up drinking again but not a case a day.
On a side note, I gave up drinking cold turkey for a few years after my first child was born. Drinking almost a case of beer on a good/bad day to no booze at all was an easy task for me. Fast forward a few boring years and I took up drinking again but not a case a day.
#4
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- VibeTribe
- 3,527 posts
Posted 03 March 2012 - 03:17 AM
Has anyone seen a person get clean and dry out against their will? More to the point, has anyone seen someone STAY sober afterwards? I am thinking of such things as court-ordered 12 step programs, or other "forcible treatment" - can this work?
Ultimately, I know each person has to commit to their own sobriety. But as I watch some people struggle, I wonder how much harder it might be for those who are not only unready but unwilling.
Thoughts appreciated, thanks.
only speaking from my personal experience.. No. I wasn't ready or willing so it didnt happen for me. It didnt happen for me because i wasnt willing. i wasnt willing because i wasnt ready. i wasnt ready until i personally wanted it. When someone is ready they will know before you do.
#5
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- VibeTribe
- 319 posts
Posted 03 March 2012 - 07:08 AM
I was sent to an IOP by my union and was not happy at all about it. I was pissed at the world and did not wnt to be there. I stayed because if I left, I was on the hook for the bill! It was the best thing that ever happened to me. I began to understand things about addiction and learned that actions against my will were just what the doctor ordered. I believe it CAN happen however unlikely.
#6
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- VibeTribe
- 324 posts
Posted 03 March 2012 - 05:52 PM
Thank you for your perspectives and input. I appreciate it. I've got a young relative who's in some substance trouble and his parents are in disagreement about the best way to help him. I've only seen it from the POV of the one who's being told that their choices are not very wise.
#13
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- VibeTribe
- 18,067 posts
Posted 08 March 2012 - 09:41 PM
I am (sadly) not inexperienced with the deep addict... buried a few friends here and there... a few success stories along the way... I have my demons but was wise in my mid-twenties when I pledged to *at least* not add any new monkeys to the zoo so to speak, a back can only bear so much weight. (even if they are effectivly once daily maintenance things... ) :sigh:
So she just calls and misses me and wants to see me after work.
this will end with a plea for money. I'd buy the girl anything in the world.... but....
sorry to jump in on this thread... she indicates she wants to get clean... but... procrastination is something; in this regard; I've seen go on till the last shovelful hits the box if u get my jist.
I suppose *she* is willing but her body is not.
I told her we could get married and my insurance is the best there is; thus the best treatment. see. I'm stupid in love with her.
#15
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- VibeTribe
- 8,718 posts
Posted 09 March 2012 - 02:15 AM
:sigh:
So she just calls and misses me and wants to see me after work.
this will end with a plea for money. I'd buy the girl anything in the world.... but....
sorry to jump in on this thread... she indicates she wants to get clean... but... procrastination is something; in this regard; I've seen go on till the last shovelful hits the box if u get my jist.
I suppose *she* is willing but her body is not.
I told her we could get married and my insurance is the best there is; thus the best treatment. see. I'm stupid in love with her.
I can really identify with the helplessness you are feeling. My ex is an addict and I went through the agony of loving an active addict for many years...tried everything to help him. Driving around looking for him all the time, going into dangerous places to try and drag him home, losing sleep, and much, much, more. He went to so many rehabs, but always to please/appease or was forced, and would relapse each time, shortly after getting out. The insanity reached the point that I chose not to be in his life anymore and I moved on. I knew it was time for me to let go when I started saying him "You know how I can tell when you are lying to me? Your lips are moving."
When I was in the relationship, there were few things anyone could say to give me comfort or to help me let go. Like the addict who isn't ready to get well, I could not release him when I was ready to.
((UC))
#16
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- VibeTribe
- 18,067 posts
Posted 09 March 2012 - 02:20 PM
yep.
she called this morning, needed to get well... was waiting for me at the office. In tears, saying how she sick life like this; me saying then lets bring you TONIGHT... which I guaranfuckintee is not going to happen.
(enter tommorrow; rinse: repeat :LOOP:)
she called this morning, needed to get well... was waiting for me at the office. In tears, saying how she sick life like this; me saying then lets bring you TONIGHT... which I guaranfuckintee is not going to happen.
(enter tommorrow; rinse: repeat :LOOP:)
#17
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- VibeTribe
- 18,067 posts
Posted 09 March 2012 - 02:31 PM
When I was in the relationship, there were few things anyone could say to give me comfort or to help me let go. Like the addict who isn't ready to get well, I could not release him when I was ready to.
((UC))
I've known this girl for not that long - we met thru mutual friends and it wasnt long before I realized she was tethered.
She disappeared for a bit (attempt at detox/rehab I'd later know) months went by; then she called out of the blue and wanted to hang out - she was in good spirits; fun, we had an amazing time... but the magnets draw too strong it seems.
it's like everyday I try and convince myself that it will be the day she declares she is ready to try again...
#18
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- VibeTribe
- 12,846 posts
Posted 09 March 2012 - 02:46 PM
UC, the only unsolicited advice I can give you is, the next time that happens, tell her, "no, but I'll take you to get some help right now." If she says yes, call in to work and take her to a hospital. If she says no, tell her not to contact you until she's ready to say yes. And stick to that.
I realize that's much easier said than done, bu it's the best thing for her, and for you.
Fact: Being dopesick has probably never killed anyone. Being high has.
Don't know if you've ever been to Naranon or Alanon, but they might give you some tools, and help you to feel that you're not alone in what you're dealing with...
I realize that's much easier said than done, bu it's the best thing for her, and for you.
Fact: Being dopesick has probably never killed anyone. Being high has.
Don't know if you've ever been to Naranon or Alanon, but they might give you some tools, and help you to feel that you're not alone in what you're dealing with...
#19
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- VibeTribe
- 8,718 posts
Posted 09 March 2012 - 03:44 PM
UC, the only unsolicited advice I can give you is, the next time that happens, tell her, "no, but I'll take you to get some help right now." If she says yes, call in to work and take her to a hospital. If she says no, tell her not to contact you until she's ready to say yes. And stick to that.
I realize that's much easier said than done, bu it's the best thing for her, and for you.
Fact: Being dopesick has probably never killed anyone. Being high has.
Don't know if you've ever been to Naranon or Alanon, but they might give you some tools, and help you to feel that you're not alone in what you're dealing with...
This. All of it.
#20
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- VibeTribe
- 18,067 posts
Posted 09 March 2012 - 03:50 PM
UC, the only unsolicited advice I can give you is, the next time that happens, tell her, "no, but I'll take you to get some help right now." If she says yes, call in to work and take her to a hospital. If she says no, tell her not to contact you until she's ready to say yes. And stick to that.
I realize that's much easier said than done, bu it's the best thing for her, and for you.
Fact: Being dopesick has probably never killed anyone. Being high has.
Don't know if you've ever been to Naranon or Alanon, but they might give you some tools, and help you to feel that you're not alone in what you're dealing with...
I already know what will happen, But I'm with you.
I need to prepare to never see her again, like; today.
I know. Love isn't smart.
#32
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- VibeTribe
- 18,067 posts
Posted 13 March 2012 - 09:28 PM
First of all, I apologize for jumping on this thread... with my own bs. sorry.
this girl just called me... "that's it... I'm tired. My sister is coming and I'm going to Detox, do you want to see me before I go... I may go to directly to jail after that" (blew off some court shit). \
I hope she's serious. I'm going to see her, but she asks me for a dime for one last whatever and I walk.
this girl just called me... "that's it... I'm tired. My sister is coming and I'm going to Detox, do you want to see me before I go... I may go to directly to jail after that" (blew off some court shit). \
I hope she's serious. I'm going to see her, but she asks me for a dime for one last whatever and I walk.
#34
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- VibeTribe
- 324 posts
Posted 14 March 2012 - 11:48 AM
First of all, I apologize for jumping on this thread... with my own bs. sorry.
this girl just called me... "that's it... I'm tired. My sister is coming and I'm going to Detox, do you want to see me before I go... I may go to directly to jail after that" (blew off some court shit). \
I hope she's serious. I'm going to see her, but she asks me for a dime for one last whatever and I walk.
Thread not derailed. I hope she finds what she needs and peace to you.
#47
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- VibeTribe
- 18,067 posts
Posted 11 December 2012 - 04:17 PM
update: since April much changed in *my* life and I had ~primarily~ broken ties with AMD, but the good news is she is currently with family... they will not allow me or ANYONE from her "past" to speak with her.... which sucks cuz I tried to keep her safe in the ways I knew how and knew some of the things I did were enabling but they also kept her out of certain forms of danger.... hard to explain.
Anyway, I'll prolly never see or speak to her again but it's pleasing to know it won't be because she was found cold in a bathroom with a spike or in a dumpster after some trick.
Anyway, I'll prolly never see or speak to her again but it's pleasing to know it won't be because she was found cold in a bathroom with a spike or in a dumpster after some trick.
