134 replies to this topic

[YogaMermaid]

SarahB. you are an amazing individual.
Sending all my love to you, forever & always.

[sarah b.]

Thanks. Contemplating that my mom and I now have 8 cats between us. If my grandma dies any time soon, I have no idea what we'll do. No more cats for us. Current crop needs to die off.

*Zachary: one of a litter abandoned at a hair salon; bottle-fed; I was in college when she got him, so he's at least 10.

*Shmutzie: My aunt DJ found her, she was hit by a car, gave her to my mom, also probably 10.

*Motley: the runt of a litter Shmutzie had, born during Vibes in 2000, age 9.

*Vantz: from a litter Roo helped me catch in Westbury in 2004, age 5.

*Tsimmes: from a litter Roo helped me catch in Westbury in 2004, age 5.

*Green Eyes: adopted, had been abused, my mom cat whispered, um 2006? idk

*Bossy: Mike's cat. Best little girl ever. Born in August 2007 (approximate date).

*Booby: Declawed, dumped, deaf; deaf, declawed cats can't live outdoors. He looks like he's about a year old.

[sarah b.]

Mike visited me this morning. in a good way. so close to real. really amazing. it was good.

[sums]

[sarah b.]

Thanks. What I learned is that you get your fully able body back in the afterlife. At least, he certainly did. I hadn't noticed, during prior visits.

[sums]

my few friends that have visited me after were whole and well and smiling and glad to be out of the pain that their bodies had brought them before they departed

Edited by sums, 30 December 2009 - 03:57 PM.

[sarah b.]

neat.

[sarah b.]

sometimes I need to look out for me more. I guess it can be something I need to practice even when I don't think I do, otherwise I might wind up realizing after the fact that I should have. whoops. live, learn, grow. nothing that will really matter, in the long run. I just need to remember, "If I am not for myslef, who will be for me?" better, sometimes. I've become much better at remembering that, in general. Life is certainly a learning adventure, and it does grow on.

[sums]

it is a time

[sarah b.]

Booby is missing. Go home, deaf cat!

[sums]

i hope he finds his way back!

[sarah b.]

me, too. i'm so sad/livid.

[sums]

[sarah b.]

judo tonight in my town. our kids are visiting the local dojo. yay!

[sarah b.]

The Kempo Hakku was a favorite poem of Miyagi Chojun Sensei. It was the 13th article from the ancient Chinese text, The Bubishi. Around 1930, Miyagi Sensei named his method of te, Goju-Ryu, from the third line of this poem.

1. Jinshin wa tenchi ni onaji. -The mind is one with heaven and earth.

2. Ketsumyaku wa nichigetsu ni nitari. -The circulatory rhythm of the body is similar to the cycle of the sun and the moon.

3. Ho wa goju wo tondo su. -The way of inhaling and exhaling is both hard and soft.

4. Mi wa toki ni shitagai hen ni ozu. -Act in accordance with time and change.

5. Te wa ku ni ai sunawachi hairu. -Techniques will occur in the absence of conscious thought.

6. Shintai wa hakarite riho su. -The feet must advance and retreat, separate and meet.

7. Me wa shiho wo miru wa yosu. -The eyes do not miss even the slightest change.

8. Mimi wa yoku happo wo kiku. -The ears listen well in all directions.

[sarah b.]

the bishop in one of mike's cases posted a slanderous blog about him. I found that very upsetting. swapped messages with his ex on fb. got the chords from a tune i'd promised him I'd learn from the guitar player from Donna the Buffalo, last night. Time to find my tuner and start practicing.

[sarah b.]

my bullshit threshhold is way low. some things are more easily resolved by pinning one down and asking why. oh, well. I can't afford to take things I shouldn't too seriously.

[sarah b.]

been brushing up on Chinese medicine a bit. it's cool. my ankle hurts, sometimes. wah. it is what it is.

[Elphaba]

when i do my hip exercises the thing that is bothered the most is the old broken leg part. ))))1997(((( the good news is it did continue to improve for a few years after the injury so you're probably still getting better too.

[sarah b.]

cool; thanks.

[sarah b.]

[ame][/ame]

[sarah b.]

I had a great chat w/my stepmother last night about me and my sister and how learning to remember to implement an external censor is something I've learned to have by seeing what happened when my mom didn't use one, (she was saying she thinks my sister burns out her friends by expressing 100% of all of her feelings, particularly her anger toward her parents). I told her that I've learned to sleep on stuff, to delay my reactions (to see if they're still as strong a little later), to send angry emails to myself instead of the intended recipient, etc. We both realize that what's up w/my sister is different than what's up w/me (i don't let myself feel/express the rage she does. i've seen bad things happen to loved ones who share their rage without thinking about their words, first.)And that for whatever I may have learned, I'm still learning what too much sharing is.

[sarah b.]

spring judo starts tonight. yay.

[sarah b.]

judo was good. maintaining boundaries. la de da. the cat lady harassing me has been bothering me. will have to deal with related feelings. blah. could be worse.
---
monday, 3/8: As I am learning to trust my gut more, sometimes what it says to me makes me sad. I think I prefer not trusting it, sometimes.

[sarah b.]

I'm still getting used to guys being nice. I know I deserve nothing less than that. Mike and I had worked on some of that standards of behavior reacclimation stuff. I've realized that a friend (local) is also helping me get my head on straight with that stuff. We're not dating, or anything, but he's being a good influence. I let him know I appreciate it.

[sarah b.]

If I had an endless supply of money, I'd spend tons of it doing nice things for people. Little things that make a big difference. Stuff to make people's lives a little easier. Maybe some big things, if I could. I'd start college accounts for a bunch of kids I love. That would be cool.

[sums]

that's sweet sarah and yes, guys should be nice. you should settle for nothing less! believe me, i had to learn that one the hard way

[sarah b.]

Thanks, sums. Learning to let guys be nice to me (and not pushing them away for it) is ongoing, but mostly an issue when i'm not interested in a fellow romantically.

I came in here 'cause I thought I had a job lined up, but shit happened and my in left the company, and the company lacks integrity, and all of that sucks big time, especially financially.

The only silver lining I can see is I redid my resume, and it got past HR, and I got a little more experience interviewing.

re: another place I might be able to work -- the supervisor with whom I spoke (who is also a close friend) said someone there would lose have to lose their job, in order to bring me aboard, so I should be prepared to do that person's work and more. I don't want someone else to lose their job so I can work -- not in this economy. I love editing, but I hate writing. And the pay would suck and it wouldn't have benefits. if i'm doing something for shit pay and no benes, it should be something i'll enjoy more. The only pro is I might be able to work in a coaching clause, and there's a certain amount of flexibility in scheduling. I don't know.

other than that, I'm just working through some of the usual. I'm healthier than i've been, sort of. better days ahead. being financially fucked by a recent car accident is a huge weight, and this job not coming through means it's still there. I need to find a quick solution, and I will, somehow. Just not sure how, yet.

[sarah b.]

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what? I guess embed's not working in this thread. whatever. here's a link. lyrics below.


Now that you found yourself losing your mind
Are you here again?
Finding that what you once thought was real is gone
and changing.

Now that you made yourself love me
do you think I can change it in a day?
How can I place you above me?
Am I lying to you when I say
that I believe in you?

Coming to you at night I see my questions
I feel my doubts.
Wishing that maybe in a year or two we could laugh
and let it all out.

Now that you made yourself love me
do you think I can change it in a day?
How can I place you above me?
Am I lying to you when I say
that I believe in you?

(I'm not going to post it anyone someone else. So it can go here. )

[sarah b.]

Here's where I'm going to put the posts from shiva.

[sarah b.]

it might take two

[sarah b.]

or three posts.

[sarah b.]

I sent (dead) Mike's wife, T, a kind word and a link to a nice version of "Franklin's Tower" on youtube for Valentine's Day. She wrote me back with an offer to hang out and listen to "the vault" (the tapes she has of him playing, back before his tumor/surgery and stroke). So sweet. I had popped by her fb page tonight, and noted that she'd made a post about having had a valentine (referring to Mike). They stayed very close friends -- life was just what it was, and living apart was better, but there was still great affinity shared (she took care of his material needs, even when they lived apart).

A couple of months ago, this guy who had been sexually abused as a child left a suicide note, and it was posted online, and I posted a link to it on fb, and she read it, and it hit her probably harder than it hit me, but it explained a whole lot of the sort of things that Mike may not have had the words handy to say while he was walking earth. Anyway, here's the original obit link: http://metatalk.meta...RIP-Bill-Zeller -- there are tons of comments.
Here's the link to Bill Zeller's suicide note (warning, it's not light material): http://www.scribd.co...er-Suicide-Note

... we've kept in touch, every now and then. So sweet for her to offer to share some time in the vault with me. I still think of Mike, but he's still kind of with me. He knew about all the guys with whom I was close. There wasn't anything we didn't discuss. When I'm out near Bridgeport, I stop at the cemetery and hang for a little while, trim the grass around his gravestone. He's a good cookie. So is she. If I met someone I wanted to seriously date, I wouldn't hesitate.

I feel like I should've sent her flowers. That's probably what Mike would've done. I know I'm not Mike. I'm not my grandfather, either, but I get my grandma flowers. And my mom (I got her a weeping pussy willow this year, actually. She liked it.). Mike and T went through a lot, and it was very difficult for both of them. ((T)) ((good cookies)) I need to go to sleep.

[sarah b.]

I didn't post this in the charlie sheen thread, but here it is, 'cause I don't want to waste my time:

Here's a story that's why the ADL still exists: http://www.people.co...0469566,00.html

Saying, "People like you would be dead. Your mothers, your forefathers, would all be f---ing gassed."

During the Thursday night incident that led to arrest of Galliano, 50, and prompted a police probe, the designer allegedly assaulted a woman, pulled her hair and told her she had "a dirty Jew face." He also reportedly hurled racial slurs at her companion, who is of partial Asian ethnicity.

Over the weekend, a second police complaint was lodged against Galliano, when a 48-year old woman came forward, asserting he had subjected her to a similar tirade at the same locale on Oct. 9. Several eyewitnesses from this earlier episode have confirmed to PEOPLE the authenticity of her charge.

That there's some anti-semitic rhetoric. If Galliano said that to someone I know, I'd hope an ADL rep would happen to be around to prevent him from doing something that could get him arrested. It wouldn't be right (I know violence isn't a constructive answer), but I'd understand if someone didn't react politely to that.

[sarah b.]

"You can look at the past, but don't stare at it." -dude at an AA meeting