1031 replies to this topic

[cdrhead]

I have only been single for a few years now but looking back even when I was married (15 years) I didn't have any female friends. I can say for sure that my marriage ended when my wife started spending time with other men. When I say friends I mean a person that you spend time with , just you and them. I have many women friends...like I said..... I value any relationship I am in (I would never discount that completely) but I don't spend time with them alone unless I want to have sex with them. Maybe it's just my personality......I'm cagey with friendship to start with (male or female) because I have no time for assholes.

As for past lovers I don't take them into account ...been there done that.I always aim to remain friends . I consider myself lucky that my ex-wife and I are on good terms.

Maybe when I'm a little older and have a lover I will look at it differently. Or maybe the putter will just stop working and sex will be the last thing I think about


http://www.psycholog...be-just-friends
"Within these boundaries of gender generalizations, the vast majority of post-pubescent, heterosexual men will invariably have a sexual desirability "reflex" upon seeing a female of reproductive age. Thus the immediate discrimination that a male will make when encountering a female is whether or not he'd like to have sex with her. While some women might acknowledge this sexual "reflex" too, it is likely that they can quickly get past it and focus on the non-sexual aspects of the male with whom they're relating."

[cdrhead]

So here is a question for the ladies ?

When does it get too weird for you if you know a male friend of yours wants you in sexual way ? and I mean a friend that you spend time with alone.....Would it get too weird...say if he never actually made advances but told you he wanted you in that way ? What would you do ? I ask this assuming since you are "friends" that you don't want him in that way

[Geminimoon]

That can be very tricky.....

I would approach it in a gentlemanly way. Maybe tell her you are interested in more than a friendship and let her figure out what she wants. But if she isn't don't push the issue.

You can still keep the current relationship you have without damaging it. If you make comments here and there after a refusal it will make her uncomfortable and push away.

Good luck!

[cdrhead]

I already mAde my play and got shot down.....so I won't be mentioning it again. I have to move on and when I meet someone else the relationship I had with her will never be the same. It won't matter at that point.....it will just be different.

[Geminimoon]

sorry to hear

I hope you find the perfect woman soon

[little frog]

we were friends a long time before i figured out he was interested in more than friendship. He just kept asking me to go to shows with him, for over a year. I always said yes and since i enjoyed his company the transition was pretty smooth once i figured out he like me. Friendship is a fine way to begin.

[JBetty]

we were friends a long time before i figured out he was interested in more than friendship. He just kept asking me to go to shows with him, for over a year. I always said yes and since i enjoyed his company the transition was pretty smooth once i figured out he like me. Friendship is a fine way to begin.

It's so much better making a lover out of a friend, than a friend out of a lover.

[cdrhead]

I'm glad you guys are happy Allison. I remember thinking... when I noticed you guys at shows

[cdrhead]

How can you have anything without friendship ? ......is what was said to me and I totally agree with that.I said we will always be friends....

[Jersey Thug]

we were friends a long time before i figured out he was interested in more than friendship. He just kept asking me to go to shows with him, for over a year. I always said yes and since i enjoyed his company the transition was pretty smooth once i figured out he like me. Friendship is a fine way to begin.

indeed

[TEO]

Hooray for perfect matches! :heart:

[Geminimoon]

Hooray for perfect matches! :heart:

Well said

[Jwheelz]

we were friends a long time before i figured out he was interested in more than friendship. He just kept asking me to go to shows with him, for over a year. I always said yes and since i enjoyed his company the transition was pretty smooth once i figured out he like me. Friendship is a fine way to begin.

It's so much better making a lover out of a friend, than a friend out of a lover.

I think that would be the way to go about it, friends first... at least for someone like me... I mean everyone's different but me personally I'd rather have friends at the moment than anything more anyway...

Oh and Allison, I'm happy for you and Chris, you guys looked happy together

[Joe]

So here is a question for the ladies ?

When does it get too weird for you if you know a male friend of yours wants you in sexual way ? and I mean a friend that you spend time with alone.....Would it get too weird...say if he never actually made advances but told you he wanted you in that way ? What would you do ? I ask this assuming since you are "friends" that you don't want him in that way

I know your asking the ladies, but I have a little experience with this. I dated a friend for over 2 years. We were more acquiescence while she was with her ex but from the moment we 1st met we both knew there was chemistry between us. And one day when the time was right I asked her out on a date. Surprising she was game. Unfortunately after 2 years of dating and being in love with each other we had some major issues that personally I knew had to be resolved before we moved forward. So I broke off the relationship. We still talk but her current boyfriend is very jealous and knowing our past I am apparently a threat to him???? I would really like to meet another girl where it just works on all levels again. Which is why I'm keeping my doors open with online besides in person interactions.

How can you have anything without friendship ? ......is what was said to me and I totally agree with that.I said we will always be friends....

I think that's the #1 key, even when meeting random girls from online. I look at the connection in life that could potentially become a strong friendship. Unfortunately with this online thing its always a gamble.

[cdrhead]

So last night I tried to spend all my time with female friends I had a really good time.....got to chat over a beer with the single girl I'm working on a date with. She's busy this weekend....

I danced most of the night with that other girl ....drank a beer together and had some nice conversation....not much seems to has changed there. Went for a walk with another lady I'm just getting to know during set break and had some fun laughs on the sidewalk all on account of some english dude talking about vaginas

Good times wfiwtf

[TEO]

Are you still in love with your past girlfriend?
Could this be why you are finding it so difficult to find a match?

[cdrhead]

Past girlfriend.....are you serious ?

[JBetty]

So last night I tried to spend all my time with female friends I had a really good time.....got to chat over a beer with the single girl I'm working on a date with. She's busy this weekend....

I danced most of the night with that other girl ....drank a beer together and had some nice conversation....not much seems to has changed there. Went for a walk with another lady I'm just getting to know during set break and had some fun laughs on the sidewalk all on account of some english dude talking about vaginas

Good times wfiwtf

Did any of these ladies have the nickname Betty?

[cdrhead]

Prolly not ...but I don't know for sure ?

[JBetty]

Then I'm just going to have to show up next week and see if you're hitting on any of my friends.

Make sure you're doing it right, ya know!

[cdrhead]

Well they aren't playing there next week so.....

[JBetty]

I thought it's a regular Wednesday gig.

[TEO]

Are you still in love with your past girlfriend?
Could this be why you are finding it so difficult to find a match?

Yes, this was directed to Joe, however you hit post before I did.

[cdrhead]

Ha ....good thing I kept my mouth shut

[TEO]

[unbroken_chain]

....if they were female, I had sex with them.

not that there is anything wrong with that.

[cdrhead]

siihb

[cdrhead]

....it's all the ones that have turned me down that keep things real

[Joe]

Are you still in love with your past girlfriend?
Could this be why you are finding it so difficult to find a match?

Actually No I'm not. I've moved past it many years ago. I miss certain aspects of that relationship but in all it's for the better I'm not with her.

My issue is that I find it hard to find a person that just understands me and has the some what of the same mentality about life. My other problem is I am picky. The girl I was just previously in a relationship with was very close to all the pieces I was looking for, which to me meant I found a keeper. We were a great balance until she pushed me away due to personal reasons. As you can piece together I didn't end things with her. I am over her, disappointed it didn't work out but hey that's life. I wish the best for her in life. (On a side note It took me over a year of searching to find the last girl I was with.)

[TEO]

You'll find the her for you.

[vinandtonic]

You'll find the her for you.

yes, you will

[Joe]

So all this banter I've had and I think I just found a potential winner. This girl contacted me from green singles about a week ago that sparked my interest. Green singles is actually where I met my last girlfriend Pam. Anyways well from what I read and through email communication this girl seemed to align with who I have been looking for. Yesterday (Sunday) I planned a date with her for lunch then an activity. Well all I can say is the date lasted for over 6hrs. Everything aligned, with 100% chemistry. She was everything and more. Top it off she txt me after the date to make plans for thursday to see me, I think this has a chance.

I haven't been this excited about a girl in a long time. What I know about her so far, she definitely has potential. What I can tell through conversation she feels the same way about me also. I'm not getting a head of myself but it was really nice. If it doesn't work out then so be it. I would be a bit disappointed but I'll be able to say I gave her a good try.

[Jwheelz]

Nice! Good luck man

[cdrhead]

That's awesome Joe Keep your head straight and most of all......have fun

[TEO]

[motti]

sigh, was supposed to have a date saturday night, she seemed very interested, she cancelled, said she had a cold. since then she has stopped returning my contact.
this one was cute and smart and seemed like we had some good chemistry over the phone.
I hate internet dating, but i like being single less...

[TEO]

[Joe]

That's awesome Joe Keep your head straight and most of all......have fun

So I got the whole friends speech yesterday but still wants to go out with me tonight for sushi and beers. So I am just going to go with the flow, hangout with her, and I'm definitely not paying for her dinner tonight. I have to say I am a bit disappointed and I let her know that. Regardless potential friends is also good, especially since we got a long so well. In all I don't know where this girls mind is. I also don't really know her situation and past. Who knows something still may work out between us. In the mean I am still going to be dating other girls and keep searching.

I definitely got over excited about this girl which is really not like me at all. I guess this is the first girl I really felt that instant connection with since I was with Pam, which is why I acted that way.

[unbroken_chain]

wtf. as in, you can fuck me and stuff but don't get too clingy, friends... or.... torturous days and nights?

[TEO]

Good to have that chat up front.

[motti]

well we went out last night, first date, and It was very very very good, worth the wait, i like her :-)

[TEO]

[Joe]

We wound up hanging out last night we went for sushi and then we to a beer tasting thing. When the bill came she was very insistent on paying it even though I was more then happy to go dutch. So I let her pay, I guess she wanted to be even with me from the Sunday before. All I can say is we both had a really good time. Even though she said she wants to be friends we still have a lot of chemistry and as the nigh went on we would up getting closer and closer. Soooo who knows what will happen. All I know is we are both enjoying spending time with each other.

wtf. as in, you can fuck me and stuff but don't get too clingy, friends... or.... torturous days and nights?

As in she doesn't know what she wants and is indecisive.

[vinandtonic]

look at it this way, you just met and don't really know each other all that well. maybe she wants to get to know you better first?

best of luck

[Joe]

look at it this way, you just met and don't really know each other all that well. maybe she wants to get to know you better first?

best of luck

I definitely realize this, which is why I'm just going to go with the flow with her.

[Jwheelz]

generally in life with the flow is the best way to go

[motti]

date two was wonderful :-)

[Luna]

date two was wonderful :-)

[motti]

after last night date # i am suspending my dating site accounts, not deleting them but i dont need messages and whatnot as of now :-)

[TEO]

Yay