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Family help?


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#1 Mama Kel

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Posted 04 September 2011 - 10:18 PM

So my brother is heavily addicted to pain killers (oxycoton, vicodin, morphene etc). He's been on & off for about 6 years now. He lives far away so I don't see him more than once a year. I am the only person in our family that he can 'lean' on.

I keep telling him that he needs rehab. But he never goes. He detoxes himself & is 'good for a while (3 days, 2 weeks, 1 year once) but ALWAYS goes back.

I don't send him money, I don't sugar coat conversations, but I still can't help but feel I am enabling in some way?:undecided:

Any advice or words from anyone who has been through something like this would be appreciated. <3 Not sure what to do anymore :sad:

#2 Tim the Beek

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Posted 05 September 2011 - 02:45 PM

Sounds like you're doing all you can.

Hang in there...

So my brother is heavily addicted to pain killers (oxycoton, vicodin, morphene etc). He's been on & off for about 6 years now. He lives far away so I don't see him more than once a year. I am the only person in our family that he can 'lean' on.

I keep telling him that he needs rehab. But he never goes. He detoxes himself & is 'good for a while (3 days, 2 weeks, 1 year once) but ALWAYS goes back.

I don't send him money, I don't sugar coat conversations, but I still can't help but feel I am enabling in some way?:undecided:

Any advice or words from anyone who has been through something like this would be appreciated. <3 Not sure what to do anymore :sad:



#3 Karen

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Posted 05 September 2011 - 02:58 PM

You are doing all the right things by being honest and not funding his addiction. Keeping the lines of communication open is a good thing, unless he is manipulating and creating a toxic situation for you. If you feel comfortable talking to him with honesty and love and don't feel like his addiction is holding you hostage then i don't see any reason not to talk to him?

Every addict has a different bottom. Hopefully he finds his soon so he can start the journey to getting well

((MamaKel)) :heart:

#4 Mama Kel

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Posted 05 September 2011 - 03:00 PM

He finally called my parents last night. Our plan is to bring him home & put him in a rehab here. Hopefully he'll still agree in a day or 2 :undecided:

#5 In A Silent Way

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Posted 05 September 2011 - 04:26 PM

You can always tell an addict, but you can't tell him much.

Pray or meditate, and hope for the best.

#6 Mama Kel

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Posted 05 September 2011 - 05:19 PM

He's booked on a flight home tonight. Hope he gets on it <3

#7 Karen

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Posted 05 September 2011 - 06:33 PM

Best of luck to your brother and your family too :heart:

#8 Tooozday

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Posted 06 September 2011 - 07:47 PM

Wishing you and your family much love, healing, and light - it can be done.:heart:

#9 TEO

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Posted 06 September 2011 - 10:01 PM

Love, light & prayers :heart:

#10 Mama Kel

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Posted 07 September 2011 - 12:45 AM

Thanks. He's in ny at my parents. My other brother flies in from Sydney on thurs & we go up Friday.

Thanks all for your kind words & thoughts <3

#11 kramer

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Posted 07 September 2011 - 04:34 PM

<3

#12 Mama Kel

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Posted 10 September 2011 - 08:12 PM

anyone know about rehabs in toga, albany or pok area please?????

#13 deadphan

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Posted 11 September 2011 - 03:17 AM

I went to Tully Hill just south of Syracuse. Life changing experience. I know some folks who've gone to Conifer Park in Schenectady (I think?) and had good things to say. A lot of it boils down to the addict, they'll get out of it what they put in. Best of luck to you. :heart:

#14 In A Silent Way

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Posted 11 September 2011 - 03:44 AM

I sure hope he gets it. :heart:

#15 Mama Kel

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Posted 12 September 2011 - 11:54 PM

He has an appointment w/ Conifer park on Thursday

#16 Karen

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Posted 13 September 2011 - 12:33 AM

great news! (((getting it)))

#17 musicmomma

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Posted 13 September 2011 - 10:30 AM

i hope things work out kel. :heart:

#18 Mama Kel

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Posted 13 September 2011 - 11:56 AM

Thanks guys. we'll see. The better he gets, the less willing he is to go for treatment. And my parents aren't helping. Yeah they flew him here but after 1 week, they're already saying things like "well there isn't much we can do" and complaining about THEIR lack of SOCIAL LIFE because of this :rolleyes: :bang:

#19 TEO

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Posted 13 September 2011 - 01:37 PM

:heart::heart::heart:

#20 roo

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Posted 13 September 2011 - 01:49 PM

Thanks guys. we'll see. The better he gets, the less willing he is to go for treatment. And my parents aren't helping. Yeah they flew him here but after 1 week, they're already saying things like "well there isn't much we can do" and complaining about THEIR lack of SOCIAL LIFE because of this :rolleyes: :bang:


it took me 15 years to fuck myself up. If i believed after a week i didnt need help anymore then it would be over for me. Even now after four months i still call my sponsor EVERY day atleast once. I hope for his sake he doesnt really believe that.:undecided: your parents may be enablers..:dunno:

is he going to any meetings now ,while he waits for this other place?

#21 Karen

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Posted 13 September 2011 - 03:00 PM

That's the nature of the disease Kel.... a few days clean and the 'built in forgetters' kick in and suddenly the addict starts to believe that they are ok and they have control of their use. It's a vicious cycle. They will remind him of that in his intake interview (if he goes).

Any chance of getting that moved up?

#22 roo

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Posted 13 September 2011 - 03:04 PM

That's the nature of the disease Kel.... a few days clean and the 'built in forgetters' kick in and suddenly the addict starts to believe that they are ok and they have control of their use. It's a vicious cycle. They will remind him of that in his intake interview (if he goes).

Any chance of getting that moved up?


not so much that they can control their use but that they are cured and could handle one beer or one pill like "normal people."

at the least if the intake cant be moved up he should be going to meetings.

#23 Karen

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Posted 13 September 2011 - 03:06 PM

excellent point roo

#24 Mama Kel

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Posted 14 September 2011 - 01:14 AM

My other brother (1 year sober sat) has been taking him to meetings daily. My parents are TOTAL enablers. They are alcoholics themselves & know that they'll have to deal with their own shit by helping him deal with his. For instance, they told me they took everything out of the house before he came (any pills, alcohol etc) however my dad has been drinking wine every night :bang: WTF?! while popping his ambien :rolleyes:

He had a really rough day today, which I hate to say, but I think it's a good thing. I think he needs a slap in the face to remind him that he still needs help.

#25 roo

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Posted 16 September 2011 - 04:49 PM

is there an update?

#26 Mama Kel

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Posted 21 September 2011 - 12:55 AM

Still sober, still going to NA meetings daily. Applied for medicaid so he can't do much else until that goes through. been sober for 2 weeks now, so it's a start :smile:

#27 TEO

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Posted 21 September 2011 - 03:07 PM

:clapping: :heart:

#28 kramer

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Posted 21 September 2011 - 06:42 PM

2 weeks is a great start!!!!!!! <3

#29 Karen

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Posted 21 September 2011 - 09:09 PM

2 weeks is a great start!!!!!!! <3



This.

:smile: