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Spoiler Alert: TtB's Review of the last 10 minutes of Sharknado


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#1 Tim the Beek

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Posted 26 January 2014 - 10:38 PM

  • (As conveyed to china cat via FB messaging)


    So, after they sent a humvee full of grill gas tank bombs into the *final* shark filled tornado, a huge great white swallowed one of the guys who was on Beverly Hills 90210 whole.

    It was fortunate for him that he was holding a chain saw, and was able to cut his way out.

     
    1544986_10203097174497051_480861884_n.jp

  • 90210 guy was also able to pull out the big boobed girl who'd been swallowed by the same shark while she was in a helicopter throwing propane bombs into the other two shark filled tornados.

    She was kind of dead, but 90210 guy's helicopter pilot son gave her mouth to mouth, and she finally told him her real name. I think chopper boy and big bombed girl might have sex later.

     
  • I think 90210 guy and his ex wife might have sex too.

    Even though both 90210 guy and bomb boobed girl are both covered in blood and shark gastric juices.

    There's no accounting for what people find sexy is I guess what the message of this movie is.

 



#2 nikkiblue

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Posted 26 January 2014 - 10:44 PM

I thought that movie was well written. 



#3 Tim the Beek

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Posted 26 January 2014 - 10:44 PM

I thought that movie was well written. 


Just like my review.



#4 nikkiblue

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Posted 26 January 2014 - 10:46 PM


Just like my review.

 

don't be ridiculous.  They did NOT have sex inside the whale.  Thats just too far fetched.  You perv. 



#5 Tim the Beek

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Posted 26 January 2014 - 10:49 PM

don't be ridiculous.  They did NOT have sex inside the whale.  Thats just too far fetched. 

 

I guess, considering how plausible the rest of the story line of this fine film was, your argument may have some validity, Ms. Blew.
 

 

You perv.

 

Well, duh.



#6 Tim the Beek

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Posted 26 January 2014 - 10:51 PM

I stand by my comments of the thematic elements and the messages of acceptance and deep social commentary the film evokes though.



#7 Sensei Miller

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Posted 26 January 2014 - 11:19 PM

I can't believe I still haven't seen this. Especially now.

#8 Tim the Beek

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Posted 26 January 2014 - 11:52 PM

I can't believe I still haven't seen this. Especially now.


You probably should, as I only watched the first 5 minutes and the last 10.

Once I got to the 5 minute mark, I knew the depth of the rest would be far beyond my ability to comprehend. But I wanted to know how it ended.



#9 Tim the Beek

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Posted 26 January 2014 - 11:56 PM

Oh, and one last thought.

If this doesn't speak to the ache of being in a new place and a new culture, yearning for acceptance and understanding, then nothing does.

1010785_10203097056214094_2030957679_n.j



#10 Tim the Beek

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Posted 26 January 2014 - 11:59 PM

Having just (mostly) relocated to a new place, where they call everything by words which are strange and foreign to me, I truly can relate to the life forms in the photo above.

Plus the relief of knowing you're back south of the tower, of course.



#11 tyedyedee

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Posted 27 January 2014 - 12:12 AM

:shocked:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

reason #5698905 i never see movies anymore :plain:

:lol:



#12 Tim the Beek

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Posted 27 January 2014 - 12:45 AM

I can't promise anything, but there's a chance that some time in the future, I'll be posting a review of the last ten minutes of the Rutger Hauer masterpiece, Hobo With A Shotgun.



#13 Tim the Beek

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Posted 27 January 2014 - 12:58 AM

Or, Kate's Addiction, described thusly:
 

 

A psychotic woman becomes dangerously jealous when her best friend begins dating a handsome man. She will stop at nothing to keep the two apart, even if it means destroying their relationship or even murdering one of them.

 

Although the story sounds very, very derivative of some of Ginger Snap's hijinks when china cat and I began dating.



#14 china cat

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Posted 27 January 2014 - 12:59 AM

this thread :lol:

 

i freakin adore you



#15 Tim the Beek

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Posted 27 January 2014 - 01:16 AM

<3



#16 Tim the Beek

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Posted 27 January 2014 - 01:31 PM

There's also the possibility of a review of the last ten minutes of Nightmare at Bitter Creek.
 

 

Four vacationing women back-packing in the Sierra mountains unwittingly stumble upon a hideout, and are terrorized by a ruthless group of Neo-Nazis in a deadly game of cat and mouse. With only an alcoholic ex-cowboy as a guide, the women must struggle for their lives when it becomes apparent that their trackers have no intention of letting them leave the mountain alive.

 

It appears to contain some themes of premodern feminism, the ugliness of racism and the heartbreak of substance abuse with a nod to some rodents' rights issues, which are woefully underaddressed in these United States.

Plus, it's got the Bionic Woman in it, without bionics. And Joanna Cassidy.



#17 Sensei Miller

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Posted 27 January 2014 - 01:46 PM

Too many masterpieces, too little time!

Have you seen "The Train" (2008, Thora Birch)? I'd like to get your perspective on that.

#18 u.s.blues

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Posted 27 January 2014 - 02:16 PM

I stand by my comments of the thematic elements and the messages of acceptance and deep social commentary the film evokes though.

 

:lol: thanks for the review.  having not viewed the movie yet, i can almost see these images you mention.  themes of death and rebirth, being born again out of the sharks belly like a baby.  a modern day jonah story perhaps.  all the blood symbolizing fertility and mortality.  and sex, obviously sex. :lol:



#19 Tim the Beek

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Posted 27 January 2014 - 02:39 PM

 a modern day jonah story perhaps. 


Excellent insight. With some distinctively American twists though. Steve Sanders does not rely on the hand of God to guide the whale to shore. He cuts his way out with a chainsaw. Plus boobs.

 

 all the blood symbolizing fertility and mortality.


There's a term of art those of us in this field use to describe this very juxtaposition in a film such as this. Fartality.



#20 u.s.blues

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Posted 27 January 2014 - 02:42 PM

:lol:



#21 Tim the Beek

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Posted 27 January 2014 - 02:59 PM

Too many masterpieces, too little time!

Have you seen "The Train" (2008, Thora Birch)? I'd like to get your perspective on that.


I have not, but WOW! I will be sure to view this with a clear head and a notebook.
 

 

Touring Eastern Europe with her college wrestling team, Alex (Thora Birch) attends a debauched late-night party that causes Alex and several teammates to miss their train to Odessa. Her coach is furious, but a mysterious woman offers the coach and wrestlers a ride on an alternative train. The coach agrees, and the athletes, exhausted and hung over, gratefully climb aboard. But the train harbors a deadly secret, and for Alex and her fellow passengers, a blood-soaked nightmare is just beginning.


No doubt a tale of reconciliation of nations in Post Communist Europe. Probably has some elements of Greek mythology which come into play as well, is my guess. Movies with young women wrestling usually do. It's a thing.
 

I expect that the tag line, "Next Stop: Hell," is a twist, and that an undercurrent of redemption and resurrection is at play what's sure to be a 94 minute philosophical whirlwind.

Plus boobs?

details_thora-birch.jpg


 



#22 concert andy

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Posted 27 January 2014 - 03:02 PM

Thank you for the reminder of what a terrible awesome movie this was.

 

 

 

Also, be prepared for Sharknado 2 coming to TVs July 2014.



#23 JBetty

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Posted 27 January 2014 - 03:25 PM

Wait...  what kind of chainsaw was it?



#24 Tim the Beek

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Posted 27 January 2014 - 03:33 PM

The chainsaw eschewed labeling.

This fit in well with the Lone Rangeresque subtext of anonymous heroism.

You may think that was written in jest. Stihl and all, I'm not Poulan your leg here.



#25 TEO

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Posted 27 January 2014 - 03:34 PM

Has TtB jumped the shark?



#26 Tim the Beek

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Posted 27 January 2014 - 03:38 PM

:lol: :lol: :lol:

If he hasn't yet, he surely will.

It's a thing.



#27 TEO

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Posted 27 January 2014 - 03:51 PM

:lol:



#28 JBetty

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Posted 27 January 2014 - 03:55 PM

Oh Deere.  Is there an Echo in here Mr. McCullogh?



#29 Tim the Beek

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Posted 27 January 2014 - 04:08 PM

Connecticut-Huskies.gif



#30 JBetty

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Posted 27 January 2014 - 04:20 PM

varna'd



#31 CTMuleman

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Posted 27 January 2014 - 05:02 PM

Waiting for your review of Ghost Shark  :moose:

 

 

After seeing some of ghost shark, I thought Sharknado deserved an award nomination!  :eek:



#32 Tim the Beek

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Posted 27 January 2014 - 05:08 PM

Waiting for your review of Ghost Shark  :moose:

 

 

After seeing some of ghost shark, I thought Sharknado deserved an award nomination!  :eek:



Ooooh, I'm glad I started this thread.

I have several thought provoking hours ahead of me at some point which I hadn't anticipated.

You guys rock!



#33 JBetty

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Posted 28 January 2014 - 03:02 PM


 

Also, be prepared for Sharknado 2 coming to TVs July 2014.

 

 

I, for one, am looking forward to this.

Fer realz.   

I :heart: schlocky movies.



#34 Kuzsin

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Posted 28 January 2014 - 11:21 PM

....:rips up script that i've been working on for ten years:......



#35 capt_morgan

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Posted 28 January 2014 - 11:34 PM

did they really have sexytime in the shark?



#36 Col_Sandoz

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Posted 28 January 2014 - 11:40 PM

most definitely ....Sharks have innies not outies :)

#37 Tim the Beek

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Posted 29 January 2014 - 01:19 PM

did they really have sexytime in the shark?

 

Nope. Never suggested they did. That was Nik's interpretation. :lol:

Like I said, the chick was dead. Inshark necrophilia ain't ready for primetime.



#38 Java Time

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Posted 29 January 2014 - 01:42 PM

Where's PETA when you need them?!? :joker:


I, for one, will not condone the acts of the movie makers...

Putting sharks in tornadoes...

People having sex in sharks and rather than exiting the shark the same way they went in what do they do???

They cut open the sharks for an easy cost effective way to get their b- grade actors out of the sharks...

Despicable I tell ya...despicable :nulo:

#39 Tim the Beek

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Posted 29 January 2014 - 02:01 PM

Where's PETA when you need them?!? :joker:


I, for one, will not condone the acts of the movie makers...

Putting sharks in tornadoes...

People having sex in sharks and rather than exiting the shark the same way they went in what do they do???

They cut open the sharks for an easy cost effective way to get their b- grade actors out of the sharks...

Despicable I tell ya...despicable :nulo:


Let me share a little experience from earlier in my life. Maybe after reading it you won't be such a prissy little wuss.

Eleven hundred men went into the water. Vessel went down in twelve minutes. Didn't see the first shark for about a half an hour. Tiger. Thirteen footer. You know how you know that when you're in the water, Java? You tell by lookin' from the dorsal to the tail. What we didn't know... was our bomb mission had been so secret, no distress signal had been sent. Huh huh. They didn't even list us overdue for a week. Very first light, Java. The sharks come cruisin'. So we formed ourselves into tight groups. You know it's... kinda like ol' squares in battle like a, you see on a calendar, like the battle of Waterloo. And the idea was, the shark comes to the nearest man and that man, he'd start poundin' and hollerin' and screamin' and sometimes the shark would go away. Sometimes he wouldn't go away. Sometimes that shark, he looks right into you. Right into your eyes. You know the thing about a shark, he's got...lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eye. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be livin'. Until he bites ya and those black eyes roll over white. And then, ah then you hear that terrible high pitch screamin' and the ocean turns red and spite of all the poundin' and the hollerin' they all come in and rip you to pieces.
Y'know by the end of that first dawn, lost a hundred men! I don't know how many sharks, maybe a thousand! I don't know how many men, they averaged six an hour. On Thursday mornin' Java, I bumped into a friend of mine, Herbie Robinson from Cleveland. Baseball player, boson's mate. I thought he was asleep, reached over to wake him up. Bobbed up and down in the water, just like a kinda top. Up ended. Well... he'd been bitten in half below the waist. Noon the fifth day, Mr. Time, a Lockheed Ventura saw us, he swung in low and he saw us. He's a young pilot, a lot younger than Mr. Time, anyway he saw us and come in low. And three hours later a big fat PBY comes down and start to pick us up. You know that was the time I was most frightened? Waitin' for my turn. I'll never put on a lifejacket again. So, eleven hundred men went in the water, three hundred and sixteen men come out, the sharks took the rest, June the 29, 1945. Anyway, we delivered the bomb.



#40 JBetty

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Posted 29 January 2014 - 02:41 PM

Here's just some of the exciting action you missed, TtB.

 

 

 



#41 Tim the Beek

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Posted 29 January 2014 - 02:56 PM

Wow. I may have to go back and watch the whole thing. It appears there are some subtleties I denied myself.



#42 jme

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Posted 29 January 2014 - 04:20 PM

real life CATNADO:  http://www.bbc.co.uk...ngland-25902371

 

Shirley Blay, who keeps horses at the Jolly Blossom Stables on Station Road, Chobham, told BBC Surrey:

 

"It was a mini-tornado, I can't describe it as anything less. It started with very heavy rain, hailstones and very strong wind and all of a sudden, the wind was very, very strong, to the point of lifting roofs."

 

Stable roofs were shaking and lifting and my granddaughter went to make a feed up for the pony and the shed she was in lifted. "She jumped out of it and it just shattered, it was thrown backwards and broke into four pieces.

 

We've got four feral cats in the yard and they were being lifted off the ground - about 6ft off the ground - they just went round like a big paper bag. She said the people and animals who were caught up in the storm were uninjured."



#43 JBetty

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Posted 29 January 2014 - 04:38 PM

Y'all can laugh all you like at Sharknado, but it actually does have some scientific merit.

Yes you read that correctly.  SCIENTIFIC MERIT!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Real-life Sharknado: 5 actual instances of animal tornadoes
Could a sharknado actually happen? Reports of real-life animal tornadoes are not unheard of around the globe.
 
tornado_0.jpg

Photo: NOAA

The SyFy Channel has built a reputation for taking the creature/horror genre to its (il)logical extreme, and the recent release of the movie "Sharknado" is certainly no exception. The antics in the film, which involve tornadoes filled with man-eating sharks, might seem beyond ridiculous. (And well, for the most part, they are.) But the film's central premise — that a tornado could pluck creatures from the sea and deposit them on land — actually has some scientific merit.
 
In fact, there are numerous accounts throughout history of animals raining from the sky, most likely the result of getting sucked up by a tornado. Although no shark tornadoes have ever been reported, tornadoes and waterspouts have been known to lift animals like fish, frogs and even alligators and drop them ashore, often still alive and kicking. (Yes, you read that right: alligators.)
 
Here are five documented instances of real-life animal tornadoes, including the gatornado.
 
Fish
One of the most likely animals to get sucked up into a waterspout are small fish. Most recently, residents of Agusan del Sur in the Philippines were left dumbfounded after dozens of 3-inch mudfish began raining from the sky. A couple of years earlier, a similar event occurred in Lajamanu, Australia, when perch began falling from the clouds by the hundreds. Many of them were still alive and flopping after they landed. Fishnadoes usually involve smaller species or younger fish, simply because larger specimens are too heavy to get sucked into a spout. But that doesn't mean that man-eating sharknadoes aren't beyond the realm of possibility...
 
Frogs
Rains of frogs are another relatively frequent form of animal tornado, and have been documented as far back as the third century AD. The Greek author Athenaeus, quoting the historian Heraclides Lembus, wrote of such an account: "In Paconia and Dardania it has, they say, before now rained frogs… So great has been the number of these frogs that the houses and the roads have been full of them." More recently, in 2005, afrognado was reported in the Serbian town of Odzaci.
 
Jellyfish
This one might almost be on par with the sharknado on the horror scale: a tornado filled with stinging, venomous jellyfish. The jellyfishnado actually happened, though. Or at least, that's according to a report in 1894 out of Bath, England. Jellyfish, roughly the size of a shilling, apparently rained by the thousands.
 
Worms
Though not as horrifying as a sharknado or jellyfishnado, the wormnado might be the squirmiest, most disgusting animal tornado of them all. Yes, the sky actually rained worms in Jennings, La., in July 2007, shortly after a waterspout was reported 5 miles from town. The worms reportedly came down in slithering, tangled clumps.
 
Alligators
This story might be the closest thing to a real-life sharknado. According to a report from 1887 in the New York Times: "Dr. J. L. Smith, of Silverton Township, while opening up a new turpentine farm, noticed something fall to the ground and commence to crawl toward the tent where he was sitting. On examining the object he found it to be an alligator."
 
Smith went on to find himself surrounded by eight alligators in total, which had apparently been dropped from the sky by a distant waterspout. If his account is to be believed, then this was history's first and only documented case of a genuine, no joke, gatornado.


#44 Java Time

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Posted 30 January 2014 - 12:38 AM


Let me share a little experience from earlier in my life. Maybe after reading it you won't be such a prissy little wuss.

Eleven hundred men went into the water. Vessel went down in twelve minutes. Didn't see the first shark for about a half an hour. Tiger. Thirteen footer. You know how you know that when you're in the water, Java? You tell by lookin' from the dorsal to the tail. What we didn't know... was our bomb mission had been so secret, no distress signal had been sent. Huh huh. They didn't even list us overdue for a week. Very first light, Java. The sharks come cruisin'. So we formed ourselves into tight groups. You know it's... kinda like ol' squares in battle like a, you see on a calendar, like the battle of Waterloo. And the idea was, the shark comes to the nearest man and that man, he'd start poundin' and hollerin' and screamin' and sometimes the shark would go away. Sometimes he wouldn't go away. Sometimes that shark, he looks right into you. Right into your eyes. You know the thing about a shark, he's got...lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eye. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be livin'. Until he bites ya and those black eyes roll over white. And then, ah then you hear that terrible high pitch screamin' and the ocean turns red and spite of all the poundin' and the hollerin' they all come in and rip you to pieces.
Y'know by the end of that first dawn, lost a hundred men! I don't know how many sharks, maybe a thousand! I don't know how many men, they averaged six an hour. On Thursday mornin' Java, I bumped into a friend of mine, Herbie Robinson from Cleveland. Baseball player, boson's mate. I thought he was asleep, reached over to wake him up. Bobbed up and down in the water, just like a kinda top. Up ended. Well... he'd been bitten in half below the waist. Noon the fifth day, Mr. Time, a Lockheed Ventura saw us, he swung in low and he saw us. He's a young pilot, a lot younger than Mr. Time, anyway he saw us and come in low. And three hours later a big fat PBY comes down and start to pick us up. You know that was the time I was most frightened? Waitin' for my turn. I'll never put on a lifejacket again. So, eleven hundred men went in the water, three hundred and sixteen men come out, the sharks took the rest, June the 29, 1945. Anyway, we delivered the bomb.

jaws'd....

 

by the by there Quint...it's boatswain's mate not boson's mate....that would prolly be an oboe :coffee:



#45 nikkiblue

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Posted 30 January 2014 - 05:17 AM

So, When I was a little girl, we used to have a pond in front of our house that had frogs. 

So, one day I caught a frog, and I hugged him so tightly, I squeezed the guts right out of his mouth.  and I killed him.  

:( 



#46 Java Time

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Posted 30 January 2014 - 05:33 AM

So, When I was a little girl, we used to have a pond in front of our house that had frogs. So, one day I caught a frog, and I hugged him so tightly, I squeezed the guts right out of his mouth.  and I killed him.  :( 


Oh great. Lenny :undecided: you just unleashed the terror of Frognado....

Let's see em try and have sex inside of a frog... those, those pervy have sex in shark fuckers :joker:

Nice job ...how can we ever thank you
:rolleyes:


#47 Java Time

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Posted 30 January 2014 - 05:37 AM

Note to self... Don't let Nikki blue watch my frogs

#48 capt_morgan

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Posted 30 January 2014 - 07:08 AM

she loved him too much...thats what happens....ur eyeballs pop out



#49 Java Time

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Posted 30 January 2014 - 12:51 PM

Good to see chivalry is not dead! :heart:









:barf:

#50 Tim the Beek

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Posted 30 January 2014 - 12:57 PM

So, When I was a little girl, we used to have a pond in front of our house that had frogs. 

So, one day I caught a frog, and I hugged him so tightly, I squeezed the guts right out of his mouth.  and I killed him. 

 

 

Nik. <3

Lessons learned as kids are tough ones sometimes.