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personal epic fails...


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#1 Royal

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Posted 18 November 2013 - 06:22 PM

watching somebody sing the National Anthem before a baseball game...


Royal: Oh Dionne Warwick looks pretty good for her age.

TV Guy: Thanks to Mary J. Blige for that beautiful rendition.

Royal: d'oh

#2 orion

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Posted 18 November 2013 - 06:29 PM

At least it wasn't:

 



Royal: Oh Dionne Warwick looks pretty good for her age.

TV Guy: Thanks to Ryan Montbleau for that beautiful rendition.

Royal: d'oh


#3 TheDHJ

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Posted 18 November 2013 - 08:40 PM

:rotf:

#4 hoagie

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Posted 20 November 2013 - 01:05 PM

yesterday had a few major "fails>

 

got to work yesterday, and nuked my cup of tea in the microwave, but forgot to put water in the cup.  burned the teabag and cup up in the microwave, and now theres a smokey the bear sign hanging over it that says "only you can prevent microwave fires"

 

then I left job 1 to go to job 2, only didnt make it because my car ran outta gas about 1000 ft from the gas station i was heading to.  Had to get out and push it, at which point a random asbury crackhead girl runs out across traffic to help me.  I had her jump in the car to steer and i pushed this huge caddy up the road.  Finally get it to the pump and nfill it, and now the thing wont even start.  I had to push it outta the way again into the back of the lot and wait til my gf got there for a jump.  COuldnt jumpstart my big caddy with her small honda after 30 minutes of trying.  A jamaican cabby with a blazer helped me jump it but he wanted $20.  he did it after i guilt tripped him in front of the other Jamaican lady standing there ,,,

 

got to work an hour and 15 mins late...

 

i hope today is smoother



#5 JBetty

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Posted 20 November 2013 - 02:00 PM

Tried to make a pot of coffee on Sunday, but it came out as just hot water.  :rolleyes:



#6 hoagie

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Posted 20 November 2013 - 02:01 PM

Tried to make a pot of coffee on Sunday, but it came out as just hot water.   :rolleyes:

:lol: this happens often at my place...



#7 JBetty

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Posted 20 November 2013 - 02:08 PM

Bonus - Cleaned out the machine rather nicely.



#8 Lemireacle

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Posted 20 November 2013 - 03:12 PM

now theres a smokey the bear sign hanging over it that says "only you can prevent microwave fires"

 

:lol:



#9 gregoir

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Posted 20 November 2013 - 03:41 PM

I was hanging out with some random dude in front of Red Square one night. We were talking about the state of Camp Bisco.  I said something to the extent of "They could at least book some crappy ass electronic band like Brothers Past instead of all the DJs.  Turns out I was talking to Clay Parnell.



#10 Ginger Snap

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Posted 20 November 2013 - 05:50 PM

One of the worst- I'm still so embarrassed....

 

A couple of years ago I was talking to a friend about another friend's upcoming wedding plans. This other friend still hadn't chosen a location for her wedding yet and I relayed what she said about it almost verbatim to my friend, "Yeah she still hasn't decided where to have it, she doesn't want it to be something cheesy like getting married at the vibes..."

 

It took me 5 minutes before I realized- the friend I told this too actually HAD gotten married at the vibes! Oh Man- total.epic. fail. :blush: :blush: :blush: 



#11 JBetty

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Posted 20 November 2013 - 06:18 PM

One of the worst- I'm still so embarrassed....

 

A couple of years ago I was talking to a friend about another friend's upcoming wedding plans. This other friend still hadn't chosen a location for her wedding yet and I relayed what she said about it almost verbatim to my friend, "Yeah she still hasn't decided where to have it, she doesn't want it to be something cheesy like getting married at the vibes..."

 

It took me 5 minutes before I realized- the friend I told this too actually HAD gotten married at the vibes! Oh Man- total.epic. fail. :blush: :blush: :blush:

 

 

 

 

 

And you know more than a few couples who have gotten married at festivals.   :rolling:



#12 gregoir

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Posted 20 November 2013 - 06:22 PM

And you know more than a few couples who have gotten married at festivals.   :rolling:

 

lolwooks



#13 Ginger Snap

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Posted 20 November 2013 - 06:39 PM

And you know more than a few couples who have gotten married at festivals.   :rolling:

 

Since then yes, but they are all INCREDIBLY cheesy!!! :lmao:



#14 JBetty

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Posted 20 November 2013 - 06:58 PM

I like cheese.  :smile:



#15 Ginger Snap

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Posted 20 November 2013 - 07:00 PM

Oh heck yeah if you don't like cheese I don't like you. :funny1:



#16 Sensei Miller

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Posted 21 November 2013 - 08:41 PM

That reminds me...

 

Once, in college, I went on this whole diatribe about the (then, new) fad of getting tattoos of Chinese and Japanese symbols.  I said it would be funny if everyone who got "Honor, Love, Peace" in Kanji unwittingly walk around advertising "Small Penis, Dumb American."

 

It turns out my good friend had literally just gotten "Honor" and "Strength" Kanji on his arm.

 

Oops.

 

Another time, and I really need to learn how to keep my opinions to myself, I was talking about leather couches with a buddy of mine.  I somehow got on the topic of bonded leather, and said that I think it looks cheap  and that anyone can tell bonded leather from quality hide.

 

A week later I go to his housewarming party, and low and behold...the first piece of furniture I see is a brand new bonded leather sectional taking up the whole living room.  I'm pretty sure he could see me blushing from across the room.



#17 concert andy

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Posted 21 November 2013 - 08:55 PM

That I post here.



#18 kramer

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Posted 22 November 2013 - 03:09 AM

Similar to hoagie's tea fail.. Today as I was leaving work I smelled burning.. Went the the 2nd floor and saw that someone left the coffee pot warmer on and there was just sticky black tar burnt coffee at the bottom of the pot. I turned off the burner, grabbed the pot to run it under hot water and let it soak... But the water from the faucet was ice cold and the pot shattered immediately.. One of the Engineers watched me do it and said "yeah, hot glass and cold water don't mix..." THANKS A LOT DUDE.... I didn't realize the water coming out of the hot water tap would be ice cold.. D'oh!!!!!

#19 Ginger Snap

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Posted 22 November 2013 - 03:32 AM

Similar to hoagie's tea fail.. Today as I was leaving work I smelled burning.. Went the the 2nd floor and saw that someone left the coffee pot warmer on and there was just sticky black tar burnt coffee at the bottom of the pot. I turned off the burner, grabbed the pot to run it under hot water and let it soak... But the water from the faucet was ice cold and the pot shattered immediately.. One of the Engineers watched me do it and said "yeah, hot glass and cold water don't mix..." THANKS A LOT DUDE.... I didn't realize the water coming out of the hot water tap would be ice cold.. D'oh!!!!!

 

Oh man I did that bartending once- wicked busy and couldn't find the ice scoop so I plunged a glass into the ice and it shattered all inside the ice sink. :rolleyes: 



#20 Eddie Z

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Posted 22 November 2013 - 01:00 PM

This is a year ago.   I was invited to a BBQ competition in Mt Holly NJ, to assist with the Texas Smoke BBQ restaurant's Competition team.   My first outing with them, so I wanted to impress.         So we get the booth all set up, and the other guys had to run out to some stores to pick up some additional supplies.   They left me to clean the ribs, which were in Cryovaced bags.    No scissors around, so I try to open the bags with a boning knife.   I slipped and stuck myself good, right in my thumb.     Spent the next 2 hours in the hospital getting 8 stitches.       Dohhh!

 

Another story:   like 12 years ago.    I'm on the Denville Dive & Rescue team at the time.     It's very difficult to break car window glass underwater, so you're supposed to used a spring loaded center punch press.   It's sort of like a heavy duty brass "pen" shaped device, with a spring loaded tip.  You press it against the window and it springs forward with enough concentrated force to shatter the window.      So I get issued one and I can't wait to try it out...so I put a mason jar on the floor of my garage and use the tool on it.    Except a mason jar is not safety glass.   It doesn't shatter into crumbs.     A mason jar just turns into large sharp shards.     12 stitches later.... 



#21 hippieskichick

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Posted 22 November 2013 - 02:08 PM

Coupla weeks ago, the longhair and I ventured down to Woodstock to see Denny Laine jam out and play Abbey Road and some old Wings tunes. 

 

So we see a guy there who's a Jerry G lookalike - fluffy gray hair, glasses, and the Jerry shirt on. We chit chat, I get a pic with him.

 

Fake Jerry - You guys are deadheads, right? 

 

Us longhairs - hellz yeah. 

 

Fake Jerry - You know Donna? 

 

Me - Ugh. I hate Donna. Her voice just grates my nerves.

 

Fake Jerry - I run her website for her. (pulls out his phone, shows us some pics, etc)

 

Me, after taking my foot out of my mouth - Oh, hey, look, there's Donna! She looks great!

 

 

 

I'm with Sensei - I need to learn when to keep opinions to myself! :lol:



#22 GoPlastic

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Posted 22 November 2013 - 03:20 PM

these are priceless.

my best from the past few years has to be from Feesh's surprise 50th birthday party.  i'd been saving a can of rabbit pate brought to me from Spain by the bassist for HELMET, while they were touring there.  a special gift from a special friend, meant it was to be saved for a special occasion.  Feesh's 50th was the perfect event!  of course, i'd never opened a can like this before.  the result?  Kevron racing me to the emergency room, 12 stitches in my right-hand pinky finger, and blood everywhere in the kitchen, including in the pate itself, rendering it useless for human consumption. :lol:

upon returning to the party, just as Feesh was ready to blow out the candles on his cake, he quipped: "hey, you just have to be the center of attention, don't you?" :blush:

now i know that every time Feesh celebrates a birthday ending in 0, i need to get my tetanus shot updated.



#23 JBetty

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Posted 22 November 2013 - 03:40 PM

What happened at his 40th?



#24 GoPlastic

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Posted 22 November 2013 - 03:43 PM

What happened at his 40th?

 

i didn't know Feesh when he hit 40.  i'm going to guess...nothing much?  i just know a tetanus shot lasts ten years, so come his 60th, i'm due.



#25 kramer

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Posted 23 November 2013 - 04:39 PM

Similarly, my 10 year wedding anniversary is my reminder of when I need to renew my tetanus shot. Spent the evening at the ER after all the guests went home due to a really infected rug burn I got at our wedding pre-party the Friday before! Crazy drunken night!

The 2nd part of that epic fail is that I got sun poisoning during our honeymoon as a result of being out in the sun too long, while on some heavy antibiotics for the infected rug burn!

#26 Karen

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Posted 23 November 2013 - 06:17 PM

One of the worst- I'm still so embarrassed....

 

A couple of years ago I was talking to a friend about another friend's upcoming wedding plans. This other friend still hadn't chosen a location for her wedding yet and I relayed what she said about it almost verbatim to my friend, "Yeah she still hasn't decided where to have it, she doesn't want it to be something cheesy like getting married at the vibes..."

 

It took me 5 minutes before I realized- the friend I told this too actually HAD gotten married at the vibes! Oh Man- total.epic. fail. :blush: :blush: :blush:

 

:lol:



#27 Jersey Thug

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Posted 23 November 2013 - 06:49 PM

hi, i'm Jennie and i *really* need to learn to keep my opinions to myself.

 

the first time Kiltboy took me home to meet his mom (i'd already met his dad, we went to see Woodstock the movie together a few weeks earlier) we were driving through his hometown (Lavallette, NJ - a mile or two from where the Jersey Shore was taped, on the same island).

 

i'd lived in several beach towns by this time, but had never been to this one, and i guess it's REALLY hard to grow grass there because everyone landscapes with rock instead of grass or flowers or whatever.  river rock, marble chip, red rocks...all different kinds but almost every home has rock rather than the grass i was used to.  so we're driving down this road and i commented, what's up with all the ROCK everywhere?  is everyone in this town too lazy to mow their lawn, maybe plant some flowers???  i mean, look at THIS HOUSE.  you can't tell where the yard ends and the driveway begins!  *points to the house we're now, gradually, slowing down in front of, then pulling up to the curb...*

 

me, red faced:  this is your parents' house, huh.

 

Kiltboy:  *big grin* YUP!

 

we had to wait a few minutes before i was ready to go in and face his parents :lol:



#28 Ginger Snap

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Posted 23 November 2013 - 06:51 PM

:lmao:



#29 Ginger Snap

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Posted 23 November 2013 - 06:54 PM

Similarly, my 10 year wedding anniversary is my reminder of when I need to renew my tetanus shot. Spent the evening at the ER after all the guests went home due to a really infected rug burn I got at our wedding pre-party the Friday before! Crazy drunken night!

 

 

THIS IS GOLD. :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: 



#30 Karen

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Posted 23 November 2013 - 07:04 PM

Jennie, I also had a 'keep your mouth shut Karen' moment....

 

Upon arriving at our campsite at a festival in PA, I was talking to my friend B and noticed that a gal we know A had just pulled up.  I whispered to B,  'Oh crap, A is here.  She is so over the top sometimes!  Ugh'      A gets out of her car and gives him a big ole kiss.   He looks at me and says 'A is my girlfriend'.

 

Doh!  

 

(They've since broken up and I can now say freely to him what I think)   :lol:



#31 Ginger Snap

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Posted 23 November 2013 - 07:10 PM

:lmao: 



#32 kramer

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Posted 24 November 2013 - 12:46 AM

i think i could probably make 1000 entries to this thread.  :lol:

 

guess i'm just a hot mess.

 

that story reminds me of my first waitressing job... must have been a week or two into the new gig when i saw some kids from my high school sitting at one of the tables in the smoking section.  i walked over to say hi and offered to bring them some drinks, and during the course of casual conversation, i mentioned that the waitress in their section SUCKED... and was such a bitch... (which she was... total coke fiend angry white trash woman who thought she owned the place.. and that's putting it nicely!)

 

fast forward about 10 minutes... i was doing some side work in the dining room when i see their waitress come STORMING across the room screaming "you BITCH!!! you think I'M the bitch???!!!!" and i'm like HOLYFUCK... i turned bright red and my heart stopped... i was like "what are you talking about??" and she proceeded to inform me that one of the guys at the table (the only one I didn't recognize) was her nephew... who apparently ratted me out for talking shit behind her back!

 

GREAT.....

 

we both got pulled into the manager's office immediately and had a stern talking to for screaming in the dining room in front of the customer... i got in trouble for calling her a bitch to a table of customers and she got in trouble for nearly starting a fist fight during dinner service!

 

thankfully i didn't lose my job, and by the end of the summer she came around and told me i wasn't so bad after all, and i thanked her for her forgiveness, and then she started begging me for rides home to her crack house trailer.  hahahahaha

 

oh, life.



#33 Slarti

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Posted 24 November 2013 - 12:54 AM

ten years ago I walked this street, my dreams were riding tall, tonight I would be thankful, for any dream at all, come again. :grin:



#34 Shake Yer Bones

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Posted 29 November 2013 - 03:43 PM

We bought a 2011 Subaru Outback earlier this year and when it came time for an oil change, I crawled under it and got to work. I've done hundreds of oil changes, but never on a Subaru and I thought, "how hard can it be?"

 

I drained the pan but thought the "oil" looked weird. After pouring in the new oil, the dipstick was reading way high. I let it settle; still way high. Turns out, the transmission pan looks an awful lot like an oil pan. And because this is my life, things are never easy. I called around and was told the transmission fluid for this model is only available in big drums, not quart bottles. Only the dealer can get this fluid and on top of that, it has to be pumped in because the filler hole is on the side of the unit. So I have a new Outback in my garage with no transmission fluid and twice the oil. I finally figured out where the oil pan was, so I took care of that but had to have the car towed to the dealer to get the transmission fluid restored. The dealer told me he gets at least 2 cars per month with the same issue, so that made me feel somewhat better. 

 

Turned out to be most expensive oil change in history. SYB definitely failed on this one. 



#35 Slarti

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Posted 29 November 2013 - 11:14 PM

I run vegetable oil instead of power stearing fluid :lol: