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I wasn't sure where to put this, and if it's appropriate


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#1 lost-in-boston

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Posted 13 February 2009 - 05:42 PM

I've been smoking since I was 15(not cigs) pretty much every day, w/ the exception of a 2 month period where I didnt bc I had a drug test for a new job.

In the last few months, its been really having a negative effect on my mind. I'm not a burner to the point where I'm not functional, I'll take a hit, clean my house, run some errands, get ready for work...like I said I'm a functional smoker. So lately, its been wreaking havoc on my anxiety and depression. Its crossed my mind randomly to quit a few times in the course of a few months. In the last month its been far worse. I have huge panic attacks when I'm a little blazed, my heart speeds up, my mind races to everythign I've ever fucked up in my life...and everything I never did for myself...and so on and down the slippery slope to panic I slide....

This week I've decided that when my current stash is gone, I'm done. Well its not gone but I think I need to be done...my body/mind wants me to be done...but my addiction is really upset about it.
I'm torn, I dont feel right....I'm dissapointed in myself for not realizing the severity of "casually smoking" 15 fucking years later :plain:

Just need to clear my head I guess...
in a lot of ways. :undecided:


#2 In A Silent Way

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Posted 13 February 2009 - 05:44 PM

When it starts to suck it's time to stop.

#3 BHB

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Posted 13 February 2009 - 09:07 PM

Sorry to hear that tatum.

I can relate. It's confusing too...

I went from smoking almost daily for 8 years and LOVING it to having to stop for the same reasons. I was 27 or 28 I think and it did a 180 on me almost overnight. It took awhile until I realized I just cant smoke anymore.. I fought it, and had many bad highs for awhile before I just accepted it. When you start having anxiety, dont want to talk / introduce yourself to people, have to drink and smoke cigs to come down from the high... it's time to stop.

And especially now, with no tolerance and everyone having such strong shit... forget it. 1 hit and i'm too fucked up to even stand in front of a stage and enjoy music.

Anyways, listen to your body... you may find you prefer a lot of experiences without it. :)

#4 TEO

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Posted 14 February 2009 - 10:24 PM

Also has a negative impact on the ability/depth of focus during meditation.

All best with ease in clearing your head. :heart:

#5 In A Silent Way

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Posted 14 February 2009 - 10:27 PM

Not to mention paranoid revelations, auditory hallucinations, and general disorientation... :eek:

#6 gbumps

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Posted 17 February 2009 - 05:41 PM

When it starts to suck it's time to stop.


.

#7 lost-in-boston

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Posted 18 February 2009 - 02:13 PM

Saturday was my last day. I gave it one more chance to still be fun.
It wasn't.
I was miserable.
I'm done.
I'm smoke free, and have started back w/ my yoga practice, gym schedule and just eating healthier in general.
I guess its silly to fight age :funny1:
thanks for being so understanding here...

I still get annoyed that I can't get that silly high that I used to, but I guess a 15 year run was good enough eh?
Time to grow up.

#8 Jam Fan

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Posted 18 February 2009 - 02:21 PM

:heart:
i hope your friends are helpful with this.
its tough to keep the same circle of friends and change your personal habits.

#9 TEO

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Posted 19 February 2009 - 05:48 AM

The high from a clear sharp mind is much more delightful, and useful.

All best :heart:

#10 Jay

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Posted 19 February 2009 - 07:49 AM

Yeah you'll see its for the best. I remember when discomfort and paranoia set in for me and was so happy when i quit.

#11 lost-in-boston

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Posted 19 February 2009 - 06:10 PM

I'm feeling great actually. I also stopped using splenda (it says side effects could be similar to what I was feeling w/ the gang)
The anxiety is still there a little bit but definitely not to the same extent.
My roomates said that they've gone through this as well.
We all care so much about each other that no matter the decision, no matter if we agree or not, we're there supporting each other :)
I have great womenz in my life.
thanks for all that you've said...
I was so tempted last night to just take one puff, I was laying in bed after a really horrible day and feeling so crappy, but then rememberd how it was making me feel worse..
so I didnt.
Not gonna lie, thats the first time I've EVER stopped myself.

#12 George

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Posted 23 February 2009 - 12:40 AM

If it's not any fun anymore it's time to stop. You're doing the right thing and I'm happy for you.:clapping:

#13 lost-in-boston

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Posted 23 February 2009 - 03:26 PM

Thanks everyone.
1 week and 2 days.
And there was a party on Sat where it was all over the place...I was so uninterested.
Guess this was the right choice for me. :)
I really love all the support here.
:heart:

#14 sums

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Posted 03 March 2009 - 03:32 PM

i'm in the exact same place and have been for close to 20 years. the few times i've tried have been, well, not so fun for many reasons you all already described. i still love the smell and i love being around it and i find myself saying "damn, that smells so good, i wish i could still smoke it!" :lol:

but i can't. i pretty much stopped drinking too. besides, it all interferes with my yoga and where i want to go next with my life (regular meditation and even more regular yoga)

coffee is my last substance abuse problem. my intestines will eventually make me stop that too. but i'm holding on as long as i can ;)

#15 PeaceDude17

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Posted 03 July 2009 - 09:37 AM

Good Luck Lost,
I had to quit smoking canna from anxiety and paranoia problems as well.
I was an every day smoker for 4 years before it began to negatively effect my life and my mind. I was really disappointed when I realized it was time.

My best advice for you- Do not go back! Never go back. No matter how long you wait, no matter how long its been, once the ganj begins to work negatively on the mind, its all over. It will never be good again. Its a sad thing that I've had to realize. I can go 6 months without taking a hit, but then I take one hit thinking it'll be OK, and it isn't.

Read up on "Psychosis" it could very well be what you experiencing.
Good luck on the sober road.

(Sorry I feel like I'm just jumping in here. I haven't posted in so long. I'm sorry if it seems like I'm Hijacking your forum guys)

#16 Stoo

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Posted 06 July 2009 - 08:24 PM

Lost? How you doin?

#17 wheels

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Posted 02 March 2010 - 08:58 PM

Because of the young and really laid back usher in our section at Radio City for Furthur the Wednesday night, folks around me were puffing *** and hash like crazy. Sometimes the thought of a puff or two sounds tempting but my sobriety MUST remain unconditional! I whispered to the kid if I could get away with smoking a half of a Marlboro light. He was totally cool with that and I was greatful. I did the right thing by respecting him and asking. A huge part of my recovery is the ettiquite and honesty part. I wanted to respect him and the venue he worked for. Although a puff or two of some great THC sounds temping, I'm just way to frightened...frightened by the thought and knowledge that it would and could lead me back to the booze. This is a great place to share and I'm still on the right track...still clean & sober since July 6th, 2004. No matter what you decide to do Tatum, you're still full on beautiful inside and out!