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I need a hug

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#1 Ravn

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Posted 26 May 2011 - 09:44 PM

I am going to sound like a spoiled ungrateful brat. But I am tired. I feel like the middle of a sandwich. I take care of my family, and then I take care of my parents (mostly my Mom). Mom has early onset Alz. She also has a myriad of other health issues. Right now she is dealing with a super bad bout of planters faceitis. I took her to the Dr yesterday, I took her to the podiatrist today, then to her GP, then picked the kids up from school, Mike from work, then Mom back to the GP (for shots for the pain). I have to take her back to the pod. tomorrow so he can explain what her surgery is going to be like, then pick the kids up at 1030 (last day of school) then pick Mike up from work at 3pm. Her foot surgery is next Weds at 830am, I have to have her there at 730.

My Dad is being an asshole. He's being mean to her, and acting like she's over reacting. Sure, sometimes she does. I understand that. But this PF is apparently from what I've read EXTREMLY painful. Plus, she's fall prone because of the ALZ, so walking with the giant boot, even with a walker is tricky. Also, my Mom is very short. 5ft1 on a good day in shoes and about 185lbs. I am almost 6ft2. Bending over to help her up and then sit her down is KILLING my back. Bending over to let her hang on me to walk in places her walker doesn't fit is AGONIZING. I have BEGGED my Dad to buy her a wheelchair. I am to the point that when we have some extra cash on hand in July, I am buying one for her.

I get that he's scared and worried, but I am at my breaking point with his attitude. I can't ask Mel to help. She has a new baby, and I refuse to let her take a new (preemie) baby into a Dr's office with germy people. Plus, she's going back to work after Memorial Day.

In conclusion, I'm exhausted, frustrated, sad, scared, angry and having severe back pain. My house looks like shit, I'm not cooking like I should be, and I'm snappy and grumpy with my family. And I feel small and selfish for complaining.

#2 In A Silent Way

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Posted 27 May 2011 - 01:54 AM


#3 trippingypsy

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Posted 27 May 2011 - 02:06 AM

it does feel good to vent:flowers:

#4 Depends

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Posted 27 May 2011 - 03:10 AM


#5 sarah b.

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Posted 27 May 2011 - 08:06 AM

Hang in there, mama. :heart: They don't call it the sandwich generation for nothing. Tell dad to fuck off or get out and keep mom in a lifejacket in a swimming pool until her surgery and recovery are complete. And let the kids help you more. W/shoes and cooking. It's never too early to deprive a kid of a normal childhood. :cheesy: Don't worry, they'll get their kid time in, one way or another, eventually, and it'll teach them independence and resilience and prepare them for life as a member of community within society.

I love you. You're going to get through this. :heart: (don't mistake any of the above for me telling you what to do. I was just rambling.) And just 'cause you love people doesn't mean you have to like them all the time. Shit happens. Your dad is teaching you how not to do something, right now; learn from it, and don't pass the shitty part on to your kids. You get to break the cycle. :jam:

#6 MeOmYo

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Posted 27 May 2011 - 01:36 PM

I had planters faceitis last year that came outta nowhere. It sucks and hurts bad.


#7 mountain mama

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Posted 27 May 2011 - 02:02 PM

((((( :ravn: ))))) :heart:

#8 vinandtonic

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Posted 27 May 2011 - 04:10 PM


#9 Ravn

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Posted 28 May 2011 - 03:23 AM

thanks y'all

I think more than anything, maybe I was looking for commiseration. She's going to be 58 in August, this is supposed to be a disease that effects people my Mema's age (83). She should be having the time of her life with the grandkids and things like that. My Dad worked his ass off for years so they could enjoy this part of their lives without having to worry.

She was crying today because she can't remember my nieces name. My kids, she can remember with no problem, but they're 9 and 6. I was talking to my friend Kurt about it, and he said to have a bracelet made with all the kids names on it for her, so if she can't remember, she can look down and see Addelyn's name. (he's wicked smart)

SIL had the day off from work today, so she took Mom to the pod. It also helps that she's a paramedic, so she can translate from Dr. to normal person. We're also going to see if their insurance (Tricare Prime) will cover a wheelchair or power scooter.

After I got Mike from work today, Dad had to run me by the Dr's office for a pain shot for my back. It's wearing off a bit now, so I'm going to take one of the pills she gave me and crash. I hope this is coherent and not a lot of babble.

#10 kramer

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Posted 30 May 2011 - 11:48 PM

dont feel bad about venting here. i can't commiserate but i can sympathize.. so sorry you are stuck in this sandwich! :( <3

#11 TEO



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Posted 31 May 2011 - 12:33 AM


It is neither small nor selfish to acknowledge how you currently feel. :heart:

#12 thegoodwife

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Posted 05 June 2011 - 12:09 AM

You are dealing with a tremendous amount of physical and emotional stress. I know it's easier said than done, but letting your dad's attitude roll off your back is going to leave you mental room to breathe rather quickly.
Call your local goodwill or savers store for a used wheelchair. you should also leave a telephone message with the local senior citizen center asking for a short term loan of a wheelchair.
I think your perceptions about your dads fears are correct. He is not acting on them appropriately, probably because of his own feeling of inadequacy and possibly his own physical inability to assist you. You know the personality so I don't know if the following psychology would work but you might suggest to him that his emotional support would be more important that any strong arms to hold her up. maybe he'll get the hint and hold his tongue.
In any event, you have an amazing heart. if you need time to breathe, step outside and look up. ask the big Mister for an assist. a hug from heaven will definitely be sent.