A buddy of mine asked, elsewhere. I didn't just want to say, "It's how I roll," (I know it's not always easy or healthy to do proximately, and I'm very human, sometimes.) so I rambled for a while before deciding that it's a really good question that I should give some more thought to, and I said I'd ask elsewhere online.
This place is full of brilliant people, so, please, if you have any ideas, I'd love to hear them and share them via PM with a friend. Thanks. Funny/not-serious answers are fine, too. (And, please, no references to this on my fb wall. Thanks.)
Hey, there! "What is unconditional love?"
Started by
sarah b.
, Feb 28 2013 02:32 AM
119 replies to this topic
#5
-
- VibeTribe
- 8,706 posts
Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:47 AM
Unconditional love is seeing the forest for the trees, being patient when you are feeling not-so-patient, being forgiving and not resentful, and loving each and every day with a new and renewed committment.
Unconditional love....I has it for my husband, and he for me. (and I has it for my sister too)
#7
-
- VibeTribe
- 3,683 posts
- LocationBoston MA
Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:15 AM
Hey Sarah 
I wrote something in high-school psyc class about unconditional love. I really wish I could find it 'cause I remember a few people I showed it to thought it was quite good, so much so that when I went to college and showed it to a classmate she gave me some unconditional love.
What I have to say now is the same sentiment but I don't think nearly as poetic as I was back then. This is one time when the name of the thing is very straightforward and telling. It's loving someone (or something or everything) without putting conditions on it.
I think we see this most with parents toward their children. That is not to say that all parents are this way nor to say that it can only be between parents and children. But that if you are looking for examples of it, the easiest and most common place to find it is with parents to their children.
They love them even when they are mean or selfish or hurtful. They love them when they do well in school and when they don't. They love them even if they choose a lifestyle that the parent doesn't agree with or understand. A parent will often (sometimes?) even love a child that has turned into a thieving lying drug addict. A parent can even love a child that is a murderer.
Technically I guess one could say that there is a condition: That the thing the parent loves is their child. But since that can't be changed, it's effectivly unconditional.
I'm not religious and I don't know about religions in much depth, but it's my understanding that the Christian ones (and others?) say that god loves unconditionally. God may punish you or send you to hell, but he still loves you. And doesn't religion ask it's followers to do the same? To love everyone, regardless of what they do? It may not often get practiced that way, but I think that's the ideal. Yes?
Then there is loving a particular person unconditionally. I think that does start to introduce some nuance into the meaning. If I say I love my wife unconditionally, what does that mean? To me I think it means that I love her no matter what she does. I might not like everything she does all the time. I might need to protect myself from emotional or other harm. But I still love her.
But then the question arises: Could she do ANYTHING and I'd still love her? Could she murder someone? I think what people mean might be something like: I know that person. I believe I've seen and know their sole. There is nothing they could do that I wouldn't love. ~ i.e: This person is so good (to my values) that they are not capable of doing something so bad that I would't love them. But is that "unconditional"?
If I can love my wife no matter what she might do (not just what I have come to believe she is capable of), then shouldn't I be able to love anyone and everyone, no matter what they might do?
Personally, I like myself best when I can feel unconditional love for others. I think I used to be more practiced at it then I have been in quite a while -- though I do feel like I'm inching my way back there. I think I also used to love myself much less conditionally than I do now.
Typed all that quick and didn't re-read so hope it makes sense. Guess you struck a nerve of something so thanks for the question.
#9
-
- VibeTribe
- 3,683 posts
- LocationBoston MA
Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:18 AM
I've never been in love. I wouldnt know.
Hey Ryan. I don't think you have to be in love for someone to love you unconditionally. It doesn't have to be romantic love. ~ I really don't think you have to be in love to feel unconditional love for others. You probably do for your cat and for you family, and your family (and many here) surely do for you.
#13
-
- VibeTribe
- 12,071 posts
Posted 28 February 2013 - 04:56 AM
to my personal experience, truly unconditional love doesn't exist between humans. we're too fallible, and our belief structure too rigid to allow for it. but luckily, there are those whose values and beliefs match ours so nicely that we can comfortably maintain the sensation of unconditional love, secure in the knowledge that it's unlikely to ever be challenged.
example: i love my husband far more than i've loved anyone else in my lifetime, more than i ever thought it was possible to love another human being based on all experience that came before him (familial, romantic, whatever). but...are there things he could conceivably do to kill that love over time, or even in one fell swoop? yes, without a doubt.
now would he ever actually DO any of those things? not in any scenario i could imagine. not given what i know of him. not given what i know of US, or of his history. but still, the possibility exists that one day, something previously inconceivable to me could happen to bring that about. i imagine it happens to people every day who never saw it coming. i'd be pretty foolish to think "not me, no, never ever".
in fact, the harder thing might be if he were to do something to hurt me badly, but i still had love in my heart for him that made it difficult to distance myself even if that was in my own best interest. that happens a lot, too. i guess that's unconditional love, but is it healthy? i don't think so.
then there is that whole "detach, with love" thing and while that is all well and good in theory, if you are truly better off without contact with another person you purport to love...what sort of love is that? unconditional, yes...except for that one teeeeensy little condition that i never want to see your face again because you make me feel ___________ and i no longer have a place for that in my life.
as much as i love love, in all its forms, i guess i just don't buy into the idea of truly unconditional love. but i love the love i'm in 
#14
-
- VibeTribe
- 12,071 posts
Posted 28 February 2013 - 04:57 AM
or, to quote Gary, who phrased it far more succinctly:
I think what people mean might be something like: I know that person. I believe I've seen and know their sole [sic]. There is nothing they could do that I wouldn't love. ~ i.e: This person is so good (to my values) that they are not capable of doing something so bad that I would't love them. But is that "unconditional"?
#16
-
- VibeGuide
-
- 27 posts
VibeGuide
Posted 28 February 2013 - 11:02 AM
unconditional love is the way a dog loves its owner
yup.
in the human realm it's the ability to love, forgive and move forward with the same, unadulterated feeling one has for the other, without skipping a beat, regardless of circumstances. unconditionally.
#17
-
- VibeTribe
- 17,194 posts
Posted 28 February 2013 - 12:34 PM
I think ots true that you have to love yourself unconditionally first, then extend that outside of yourself to family, friends, pets, lovers, etc. loving yourself at al times is the foundation the way i see it.
If you find yourself having trouble experiencing unconditional love for someone, you would benefit from examining yourself first. Cliche, yes...but i think its accurate. Loving another unconditionally when they are being less than lovable requires empathy and understanding, and that requires that you know and love yourself.
If you find yourself having trouble experiencing unconditional love for someone, you would benefit from examining yourself first. Cliche, yes...but i think its accurate. Loving another unconditionally when they are being less than lovable requires empathy and understanding, and that requires that you know and love yourself.
#20
-
- VibeGuide
-
- 27 posts
VibeGuide
Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:53 PM
I think ots true that you have to love yourself unconditionally first, then extend that outside of yourself to family, friends, pets, lovers, etc. loving yourself at al times is the foundation the way i see it.
If you find yourself having trouble experiencing unconditional love for someone, you would benefit from examining yourself first. Cliche, yes...but i think its accurate. Loving another unconditionally when they are being less than lovable requires empathy and understanding, and that requires that you know and love yourself.
i think that's a very insightful comment.
#25
-
- VibeTribe
- 17,194 posts
Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:00 PM
i think that's a very insightful comment.
I truly believe that with enough understanding and empathy for another, one can forgive and love anyone, no matter their offense. It is dependent upon (conditional) on how much you love yourself...
#26
-
- VibeGuide
-
- 27 posts
VibeGuide
Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:03 PM
I truly believe that with enough understanding and empathy for another, one can forgive and love anyone, no matter their offense. It is dependent upon (conditional) on how much you love yourself...
there are some acts so heinous it's impossible for me to do more than accept rather than forgive. but in those instances, for me, acceptance is a form of forgiveness.
#30
-
- VibeGuide
-
- 15,799 posts
VibeGuide
Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:51 PM
The inherent nature of our being is love & joy.
Unconditional love is more a state of being like being compassionate rather than something directed towards a particular object.
Unconditional implies without restrictions, boundaries, parameters, it is not dependent on any circumstances, it is. It is beyond the legions of egos that trap us in a world of conditions.
#31
-
- VibeTribe
- 17,194 posts
Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:54 PM
The inherent nature of our being is love & joy.
Unconditional love is more a state of being like being compassionate rather than something directed towards a particular object.
Unconditional implies without restrictions, boundaries, parameters, it is not dependent on any circumstances, it is. It is beyond the legions of egos that trap us in a world of conditions.
In other words, the base of reality is love....whether you feel it unconditionally is CONDITIONAL on if you feel deep love for yourself...because really, that's all there is. You are either connected to the ground (love) or you are not.
#34
-
- VibeTribe
- 4,209 posts
Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:10 PM
I'm not so sure unconditional love isn't just a myth.
Even children and dogs, the closest two example people give, love only conditionally.
Stop feeding them, or giving them attention, or loving them back, and they will go elsewhere for those things. Its called survival.
Its all conditional on order to survive.
I guess in some cases, maybe in the love of a child by its mother, where they love unconditionally no matter what hedious crime the child commits. But then again that may be just an obsession, or at the least a lesser degree of love, maternal only.
Great topic. I think about it often, perhaps I'm always searching for it myself. Not so sure though.
#43
-
- VibeTribe
- 3,683 posts
- LocationBoston MA
Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:48 PM
then there is that whole "detach, with love" thing and while that is all well and good in theory, if you are truly better off without contact with another person you purport to love...what sort of love is that? unconditional, yes...except for that one teeeeensy little condition that i never want to see your face again because you make me feel ___________ and i no longer have a place for that in my life.
as much as i love love, in all its forms, i guess i just don't buy into the idea of truly unconditional love. but i love the love i'm in
I like how you gave a real example of what I was trying to say.
"What sort of love is that?" Yes. Right. Here we are talking about "unconditional" love -- but we haven't really said what we mean by "love".
I do though thing one can have "detached love". It's not love in the sense that you described for Jason, but it's a love.
#44
-
- VibeTribe
- 3,683 posts
- LocationBoston MA
Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:50 PM
The inherent nature of our being is love & joy.
I'm not sure that is true for all. Maybe it is, but I think there are some people for which that may not be true.
Unconditional love is more a state of being like being compassionate rather than something directed towards a particular object.
Yes. I like that.
#45
-
- VibeTribe
- 3,683 posts
- LocationBoston MA
Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:53 PM
I think the unconditional love is there, however most of us have too much shit piled on top of it to really see or feel it.
Which brings us back around to loving yourself. When you love yourself completely, you probably don't have many (any?) piles of shit left.
#47
-
- VibeTribe
- 3,683 posts
- LocationBoston MA
Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:58 PM
I think ots true that you have to love yourself unconditionally first, then extend that outside of yourself to family, friends, pets, lovers, etc. loving yourself at al times is the foundation the way i see it.
If you find yourself having trouble experiencing unconditional love for someone, you would benefit from examining yourself first. Cliche, yes...but i think its accurate. Loving another unconditionally when they are being less than lovable requires empathy and understanding, and that requires that you know and love yourself.
Very much.
I truly believe that with enough understanding and empathy for another, one can forgive and love anyone, no matter their offense. It is dependent upon (conditional) on how much you love yourself...
I like this too, Hoagie. I agree with Adam that forgiveness might never come for some acts, but think that there can be love in acceptance.
thats kind of weird that unconditional love depends entirely on how you feel toward yourself. Is it really "unconditional" from this perspective?
From a semantic standpoint...being able to love unconditionally may be dependent upon a
certain "condition" (self love) within. But just because the word used is "condition" -- I don't
think it's the same type of "condition" that has been meant in the rest of this thread.
#50
-
- VibeTribe
- 8,027 posts
- Locationthe Island
Posted 28 February 2013 - 04:11 PM
I guess an example could be my step-nieces.....
I do not consider them step anything....they are my nieces and I love them just as much as my other nieces and nephews...same holds true for my step dad and his family...
I do not consider them step anything....they are my nieces and I love them just as much as my other nieces and nephews...same holds true for my step dad and his family...
