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Lying Help


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#1 Mama Kel

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Posted 17 February 2013 - 10:37 PM

OK so going through this again. She is almost 8 & lies about EVERY STUPID THING!!!! But she is also getting into things like a friggin 2 year old! :bang:  I feel like I need to baby proof again. This child never did this stuff as a toddler/preschooler. Crazy!

 

Yes I know 'this too shall pass' but in the meantime, any words of encouragement, advice would be appreciated from those of you who have - been there, done that!



#2 Ginger Snap

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Posted 18 February 2013 - 12:28 AM

When I first read this thread title I was like,"opps, she's at it again!" :lol: Did you see my post in the anything but babies thread? I deal with the same thing with my boy. And he really is a good boy, I know he acts on the world appropriately, and everyone tells me what a great kid he is- but when I call him on anything- ANYTHING small as it may be, he never takes responsibility and comes with any lame ass answer he can to thwart the truth instead of just owning it and then we can move on. So then it becomes about not telling the truth of the thing rather than just learning from the damn mistake and moving on. It's really frustrating because it's stupid little shit like saying when I complain the toilet seat is up telling me he didn't even use the bathroom! Yeah- like Abby did it. :lol: It would be one thing if he argued with me on it's merit- but it's just stupid excuses. :lol: i don't have any grand words of wisdom except that I'm hoping that eventually he will understand that in the grand scheme of things, it's easier, and it's in his best interest, and ULTIMATELY in his own interest to tell the truth. If not- hey- 1 out of 2 ain't bad. :lol:



#3 TEO

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Posted 18 February 2013 - 11:08 PM

Being that I never had to deal with this, I wonder is it possible to question them as to why not tell the truth/reality of what happened rather than having the untruth uncovered thereby causing potential problems based on the misinformation?  Asking in terms the particular child would understand?



#4 Mama Kel

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Posted 19 February 2013 - 01:10 AM

I have had discussions like this Teo. She just says I don't know. I think it's an in the moment, don't want to get in trouble, gut reaction type thing? She's really a good kid. And I'm working on my reactions to things. I don't want them to feel like they have to lie b/c I get so mad. Especially in later years with real problems.

 

I've also been having discussions with her to think about what she does before she does it. Ask yourself if you would do this if mom was standing here, if a friend was standing here. Saying I won't always be with her & she has to start making good & safe decisions without me being there and/or 'getting caught' by me.



#5 Wende

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Posted 19 February 2013 - 03:39 PM

Ahhhhhhhhhhh......first, I want to say, I HATE WHEN PEOPLE SAY "This too shall pass"  ...biggest pet peeves ever!  Stfu, I know it'll pass...  ugh.

 

ANYWAY!

 

I have been dealing with lying my entire son's life.  And now that he is (almost) an adult. His lying now, only affects his own life, so he's learning on his own.   I realized he lied, because of the way I responded to him.  They lie because....perhaps they know you will be disappointed?  They lie, because they know you'll yell?  They lie because you don't respond enough (get away with it)?  They lie because they are testing their strengths and intelligence....Liars are smart people.  They lie because, you lie?!  All sorts of reasons.  It's important to not make too much drama over it.

Try not to react.  Try very hard and let natural consequence take place?!   I know it worries you....don't let it.  Just don't react poorly.  If they lie about something that hurts someone else, then they need to understand that is wrong but try not to make too big a deal.  This is where they need to know love for others.  and yup, I'm going to say it......if you are raising them correctly, this will pass.  :lol:  

 

Be sure YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND do not make up anything.  Make sure everything you say is as truthful as you can.  You have a smarty pants on your hands that will pick up on all of this.

 

That's all I got~  <3  Parenting aint easy~



#6 Erinisme

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Posted 19 February 2013 - 04:43 PM

What I use with my students is truth little bit (or no) trouble, lie LOT OF TROUBLE. 

 

I remind them that it's hard to be brave to tell the truth esp when you think you're going to get in trouble, but it's always best to tell the truth.

 

And when I catch them in a lie I make them look me in the eye and tell me again. If they lie even over something stupid there is a consequence...usually eating snack at the island of no friends.  If they tell the truth the consequence is usually very light...like an apology.

 

It takes some time but it really helps.



#7 sums

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Posted 19 February 2013 - 04:49 PM

"boy who cried wolf" story. 



#8 Mama Kel

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Posted 21 February 2013 - 04:44 PM

"boy who cried wolf" story. 

 

Yup I'm thinking this & she is realizing the natural consequences - that being I can't trust her as I once did because of her lying. Seems to have made a dent. It's slowing down.

 

I am working on my reactions to things too. I do realize this plays a part. Plus I'd like to try to work on open communication now so that when I have teenagers, they know they can come to me with anything. I'd hate for them to grow up like I did feeling like I could never go to my parents for anything. Still feel that way sadly. So do my brothers so they come to me instead.

 

Thanks for the input :)



#9 Ginger Snap

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Posted 22 February 2013 - 12:55 AM

I don't know if this exactly applies, but I know Jerry isn't always honest in the day to day, but I really believe and experience that when it comes to the bigger things- cops, drugs, sex, certainly rock and roll, dealing with teachers and detention, how to be a good friend, dealing with his feelings about his father- he comes to me. We talk about stuff. There's a reason I know he was using the wrong size condom- but get him to cop to not washing the bathroom floor....I'm just saying. keep doing what you're doing. It will be fine. 



#10 Ginger Snap

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Posted 22 February 2013 - 01:56 AM

Continue to be there, provide your love and supervision, show through example, learn from mistakes, listen to that desire for growth, and then jump off with that- the truth will come at its own pace. 



#11 Wende

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Posted 22 February 2013 - 02:42 AM

I don't know you face to face, but I can assure you that your kids are going to be amazing, productive, caring people out there in the world.  <3



#12 Ginger Snap

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Posted 22 February 2013 - 05:54 AM

I thank you for saying so and i thank you for the connection i feel you put out to me. It"s everything. So much power. don't make me say it. don't make me fucking say it. shit, I'm going to say it. Love. <3

 

My last text was "If this was cool with you, don't write back." :funny1: Phew! An easy one! 



#13 Ginger Snap

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Posted 22 February 2013 - 06:05 AM

I just want to thank whoever it was that came in here and snuck my computer, installing a button that will wipe out whatever- I don't know whatever I feel like saying when it's the time of night that I probably shouldn't but I'm going to do it anyway. Gee. thanks. real fun for me. 



#14 Ginger Snap

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Posted 22 February 2013 - 06:07 AM

Wendy I had thiss of sweet and connective response to you and some body came in and wiped it all out. now someone is playingwith me. do it again, do it again. 



#15 Ginger Snap

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Posted 22 February 2013 - 06:08 AM

We all have our own particular challenges. :funny1:



#16 Mama Kel

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Posted 22 February 2013 - 06:12 PM

I'm so confused :dunno: :lol:



#17 Wende

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Posted 22 February 2013 - 06:53 PM

Me too actually.  :lol:



#18 cj

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Posted 23 February 2013 - 03:44 AM

jeremy is lying constantly these days, big things and little things.  there is some grounding, sound advice in this thread, and i thank you ladies for it. :)



#19 Mama Kel

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Posted 24 February 2013 - 02:06 AM

we just found her hiding a lighter :bang:



#20 Wende

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Posted 24 February 2013 - 05:52 AM

Try so hard to not respond.  If it's always a big deal, they will continue to do it.  I know it's hard to make sense of that.  OY! 

 

Parenting aint easy!  :lol:



#21 Mama Kel

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Posted 24 February 2013 - 03:03 PM

I know. That's the advice I give all the parents I work with. Easier said than done :undecided:



#22 Wende

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Posted 24 February 2013 - 03:18 PM

It sure is. 

 

I responded HORRIBLY to my oldest.  Freaking out horribly.  It made for a real rough living situation for a long time. 

We are now JUST healing from all of that and he's almost 18.  <3



#23 Mama Kel

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Posted 24 February 2013 - 08:06 PM

that's definitely what I tend to do but over the years I've been working on it. I know if I freak out, they will never come to me about anything!!! It's tough though & mine are still little!