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Alcohol / Drugs ,but a symptom of the problem.


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#1 roo

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Posted 15 February 2013 - 07:59 PM

I Drank alcoholicly as a bandaid to the Hole in my soul ,to cover up the mess that was my life ,to push down the pain of life ,to mask my Insecurities my Fears and Hurts (which were the size of Mighty Oaks!)
At some point i took to alcohol as a Coping mechanism to deal with Everything. I was pre genetic to an Addictive Personality ,Once exposed to alcohol it was out of my hands. Hence why i made the decision to turn it over.
Stuff i buried deep down since i was thirteen is just coming up now.
An example of the emotional stuff i never dealt with throughout my life are the first real heartbreak at seventeen!! Or Having Real Relationships with new people based on trust an honesty rather than whatcha got and what can you do for me? Rather what do you need and what can i do for you?
Through the years i was and am blessed to have made some of these friends (most of them are here! Lol) but again and always i dont know what i did to deserve the unconditional love and support and am just grateful they all saw something in me.
Another example is learning how to Live. Not survive but Live. Work ,Get a Paycheck. Pay bills (i didnt capitalize bills because they suck but hey! Thats ok!! They are supposed to and its ok.) ask me that 21 months ago and i woulda said "fuck that ,the world should be paying me just for being here! Sheesh what an asshole ,right!?

Anywho i digress.. My point was is that Alcohol being just a symptom of the problem then what was the problem?.. Me. I was and am the problem. The selfishness ,the self-centeredness ,the arrogance ,the bad attitude and outlook upon life and myself in general.
Now that the alcohol is out of me i need to fix me. I am. One day at a time. One new friend at a time. One Amend ,Apology ,or just a hey i missed you to an old friend. I can do this because i turn it over daily to something / someone bigger than myself. He's cool too because in my mind he surfs like me!! I'm sure of it! Why else would he /she /it have created the most awesome waves during sunrise!!?
I also can do this because i can see clearly through bright eyes that arent filtered through whiskey.
And i can hear you now that my ears arent filled with whiskey and everyone sounds like the Peanuts teacher.
And i can bang into work at 6:45 am because im not just walkin through the door from who the hell knows where i was because i didnt and im not waking up on the train tracks because subconsciously i was trying to kill myself or in a jail cell.. Well because my new lifestyle allows me not to worry about the cops lol

Life is good. Life is fun again. It has meaning and substance. A direction.. Not sure where its going but not the gutter jail or a waste is a good thing! And most importantly about that is i am not scared of the unknown!

Even music is good again :)

#2 Jabadoodle

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Posted 15 February 2013 - 08:23 PM

:clapping:  Brave & Inspirational, Thanks Roo!



#3 roo

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Posted 15 February 2013 - 08:26 PM

Thanks Brother

#4 Tim the Beek

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Posted 15 February 2013 - 08:54 PM

Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.

 

So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making...

 

Glad you've found a better way. :)



#5 Royal

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Posted 15 February 2013 - 10:35 PM

thanks for sharing roo :)

#6 In A Silent Way

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Posted 16 February 2013 - 01:30 AM

:boogie:

#7 TEO

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Posted 16 February 2013 - 04:37 PM

YAY     :heart:



#8 TEO

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Posted 16 February 2013 - 04:39 PM

Yes, I have more work to do on my subconscious stuff.



#9 Mr Bo Berry

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Posted 18 February 2013 - 02:40 AM

Good stuff Roo. Looking forward to spending time with you at Vibes. Things are getting better here in the Bo Berry household too!

#10 roo

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Posted 18 February 2013 - 05:48 PM

I find that happening in All aspects of my life Mr. BoBerry!! As i change myself for the better everything around me gets better!

#11 In A Silent Way

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Posted 13 March 2013 - 10:22 PM

733761_581029195242102_1071928360_n.jpg



#12 Tim the Beek

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Posted 14 March 2013 - 11:57 AM

:lol:



#13 sums

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Posted 14 March 2013 - 12:12 PM

thanks for sharing that, roo :)



#14 TakeAStepBack

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Posted 14 March 2013 - 01:53 PM

:)



#15 kenbud

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Posted 16 March 2013 - 10:26 AM

awesome to hear!



#16 roo

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Posted 17 March 2013 - 02:40 PM

733761_581029195242102_1071928360_n.jpg

So you had a good meeting then!? Ha

#17 In A Silent Way

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Posted 18 March 2013 - 03:48 AM

Acceptance was the solution.

#18 roo

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Posted 20 March 2013 - 09:33 PM

Sometimes i hear peoples "burning desires" and feel that very same way. Especially from people that have been around.

Its not a chance to spew bullshit ,A good sponsor would lean in your ear and say stfu.

#19 TEO

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Posted 20 March 2013 - 11:33 PM

NAY   :grin:



#20 roo

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Posted 22 March 2013 - 09:47 PM

NAY :grin:

(((NAAAYYY)))







;) sorta

#21 TEO

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Posted 23 March 2013 - 03:12 PM

Love   :smile:  :heart:



#22 roo

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Posted 22 July 2013 - 01:19 PM

Finally being able to admit "my feelings are hurt."

Just being able to acknowledge i HAVE feelings! Woah someones onto something here

#23 sarah b.

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Posted 22 July 2013 - 06:14 PM

I hear you. Takes guts to say that. I'm not worried about you reliving certain parts of your past in your present. Sometimes it takes time for people to get it. Keep moving forward, anyway. :)

#24 Goddi

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Posted 23 July 2013 - 03:09 PM

I have no problems today, just solutions i don't want to accept. If i ask 3 people for advice for a problem i think i have, but i fail to try the advice i have been given and continue asking for help. Well then i am not looking for the solution, i am just looking for attention. Poor me, poor me, pour me another. The power behind me is much bigger than any problem in front of me.