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A sensitive debate


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#51 china cat

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Posted 26 December 2012 - 11:01 PM

See in my experience many people I know that sleep around, note I said many not all, do it because they can't deal with their emotions. They do it to validate their looks, self worth etc. They also like to claim what they do is meaningless aka just sex that's why they do it. When it is apparent that is far from the truth.


you may be on to something

#52 Karen

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Posted 26 December 2012 - 11:02 PM

.
Can anyone explain to me why if someone does not live in any sort of religious manner, bears little to no faith in most religions specifically Christian, Catholic, or any of the like, why monogamy in marriage is necessary? What is the major argument? What purpose does it serve?

Are you for monogamy in marriage? Against it? Indifferent? It's each couple's own business?


My husband and I do not live in any sort of religious manner and we have a monogamous marriage. Our reason is that we chose each other as life partners and that includes being monogamous.... I mean, it's not like when we chose to marry we said 'shall we be monogamous?' The whole point of us getting married was to commit to one another for life as partners in all things. That's just us. I am not against non-monagamous marriage and if you can't do it,good for you. I have however, witnessed the collapse of many marriages when folks thought that swinging would work. It didn't.

#53 Ginger Snap

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Posted 26 December 2012 - 11:03 PM

People do all kinds of things to validate their self worth. I remember denying all kinds of needs and wants for the sake of being a good wife, a proper wife, because if I couldn't be that, what the hell good was I?

#54 Java Time

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Posted 26 December 2012 - 11:06 PM

Exactly! America is one of the few nations that still upholds a general societal regard towards monogamy and yet we have a 50% divorce rate! Then further more recent polls show that roughly on average about 38% of married couples actually consider themselves happy that number declining steadily the longer the marriage lasts. Eventually leading to what is called "grey divorce" where older couples separate from each other after decades of marriage. I wonder why still we choose to uphold the idea of monogamy so sacred, seemingly without any real explanation from most people. I get a lot of "because it should be that way" Well who says? What if you don't say? Why do people even say to begin with?



divorce rate is high in the U.S. because we are spoiled Americans who can't understand compromise...also folks tend to get married for the wrong reasons...

if you want multiple partners or are too immature to work issues out with one partner...then don't get married...that's easy.

I honestly don't understand the debate to begin with...instead of mocking marriage laws/rules or whatever fancy name you want to give it...blaming religion or society...JUST DON'T GET MARRIED!!!

#55 Java Time

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Posted 26 December 2012 - 11:08 PM

My husband and I do not live in any sort of religious manner and we have a monogamous marriage. Our reason is that we chose each other as life partners and that includes being monogamous.... I mean, it's not like when we chose to marry we said 'shall we be monogamous?' The whole point of us getting married was to commit to one another for life as partners in all things. That's just us. I am not against non-monagamous marriage and if you can't do it,good for you. I have however, witnessed the collapse of many marriages when folks thought that swinging would work. It didn't.



thank you voice of reason :smile:

#56 Spidergawd

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Posted 26 December 2012 - 11:13 PM

I already have a Rolls Royce. Why on earth would I waste time fiddling with a bunch of stupid Fords??


Also, el oh fuckin el at "Clamintine"! And thus is born a new nickname... :rolling:

#57 china cat

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Posted 26 December 2012 - 11:15 PM

I already have a Rolls Royce. Why on earth would I waste time fiddling with a bunch of stupid Fords??


Also, el oh fuckin el at "Clamintine"! And thus is born a new nickname... :rolling:


and China Clam? :rolling:

#58 Tim the Beek

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Posted 26 December 2012 - 11:15 PM

:mrgreen:

#59 u.s.blues

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Posted 26 December 2012 - 11:17 PM

i think it is up to the couple to decide what is right for them provided everyone is in equal agreement, and if so, then yes a marriage does not have to be monogamous. personally though, i couldn't picture being in anything other than a monogamous committed relationship.

#60 china cat

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Posted 26 December 2012 - 11:17 PM

If there's ever an answer, it's more clam

#61 Tim the Beek

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Posted 26 December 2012 - 11:18 PM

If there's ever an answer, it's more clam


:lol:

Not according to some in this thread!

#62 Spidergawd

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Posted 26 December 2012 - 11:21 PM

Posted Image

#63 Wende

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Posted 26 December 2012 - 11:21 PM

I'm glad to be in a monogamous relationship. It keeps me focused and secure in which in return gives me strength to concur the world.
I don't think my children would benefit from their parents being sexually active with many other people.
This is what works in my life and I am pretty damn thankful for it.
I'm not searching anymore. THere is so much more to everything.....than sex.
~Contentness <3

#64 Jwheelz

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Posted 26 December 2012 - 11:25 PM

I like the core belief section towards the middle of this writing that talks about dealing with jealousy in open relationships.

http://www.cat-and-d...a/jealousy.html


I like this article...I think it says a lot of insightful things that also apply to monogamous relationships, especially that core belief section

#65 Jwheelz

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Posted 26 December 2012 - 11:27 PM

clearly I should read the entire article before posting my opinion on it :lol:

Definitely not entirely applicable to monogamous relationships :lol:

#66 gregoir

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Posted 26 December 2012 - 11:41 PM

divorce rate is high in the U.S. because we are spoiled Americans who can't understand compromise...also folks tend to get married for the wrong reasons...

if you want multiple partners or are too immature to work issues out with one partner...then don't get married...that's easy.

I honestly don't understand the debate to begin with...instead of mocking marriage laws/rules or whatever fancy name you want to give it...blaming religion or society...JUST DON'T GET MARRIED!!!


Holy shit we agree on something besides music and partying :panic: :rolling:

#67 little frog

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Posted 26 December 2012 - 11:41 PM

Exactly! America is one of the few nations that still upholds a general societal regard towards monogamy and yet we have a 50% divorce rate!


I'm interested in this statement .. what other countries are you speaking of that do not "upholds a general societal regard towards monogamy" ?

I have no problem with another couples interest in an open marriage, even though I do have strong spiritual beliefs. I wouldn't judge them at all. However I don't see this working with many couples, as it definitely undermines the security part of being in a marriage. I do know couples that thought this was a good idea, and in the end one of them just wasn't as committed to the relationship as the other and were really just keeping their options open.

Even in cultures that support multi partners, marriage is usually in the picture, as in one person is married to many people. We see that usually with multi wives, but I've read about cultures where the woman has multi husbands, but again, there is a secure arrangement/committment involved.

I think the bigger picture is not in our religious convictions, but in our mammal insticts. To be part of a tribe or 'pack' brings security. If the tribe is infiltrated then security is jeopardized. Being in a modern society does not nullify our survival instincts, although we like to believe we are above all of that.

Marriage is a pact of sorts so I guess the question is, what sort of pact are you entering, and why enter one at all if you are not interested in being in one? What is your motive for entering the pact? Single is a perfectly viable option where you can have as many partners as you want.

#68 gregoir

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Posted 26 December 2012 - 11:44 PM

Yeah I actually can't think of any country, I realize there are some. Where the norm is that marriage is not monogomous :dunno:

#69 TheDHJ

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Posted 26 December 2012 - 11:54 PM

Yeah I actually can't think of any country, I realize there are some. Where the norm is that marriage is not monogomous :dunno:


In the Arab world, polygamous marriages are the norm in those places that practice sharia law. Men are legally allowed to take up to 4 wives. One such example is Saudi Arabia.

#70 gregoir

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Posted 27 December 2012 - 12:00 AM

In the Arab world, polygamous marriages are the norm in those places that practice sharia law. Men are legally allowed to take up to 4 wives. One such example is Saudi Arabia.


They are obviously more emotionally mature in Saudi Arabia.

#71 Indigo Adventurer

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Posted 27 December 2012 - 12:03 AM

See in my experience many people I know that sleep around, note I said many not all, do it because they can't deal with their emotions. They do it to validate their looks, self worth etc. They also like to claim what they do is meaningless aka just sex that's why they do it. When it is apparent that is far from the truth.

I would have(cautiously) considered nonmonogamy but I'm beyond blissed in my current relationship, which makes nonmonogamy seem absurd at this point. absolutely not an ounce of desire for anyone other than my man.

I know people in open marriages - it's complicated. She goes outside of the marriage, he does not, (though he does have permission). He is hurt by her behavior but accepts it's this or divorce. Not sure I could be him and not sure I could be her (knowing I was hurting my partner and friend).

But I think people should be free to have whatever type of relationship they so choose. Just be honest and open with all parties and show consideration for one another.

~Clammy

Both really good points! I agree some people need to feel to feel worth something so they seek the attention sexually and that is not healthy. Those are the people that tend to also cling to jealousy once the roles are reversed. Aside from emotional train wrecks on a crash course for relationship disaster there are healthy well rounded people that simply hate getting in trouble for being themselves. What if someone just believes that everyone can love everyone and it's all a matter of perspective? That there isn't one person for each individual but rather parts of people that mesh with other people at different ages and stages? What if they believe marriage is about telling the world you have found someone who understands you and you understand them and you want the rest of the world to know that this person holds dear what is dear to you. Someone to speak for you when you cannot speak yourself any longer. Someone to advocate for when they need it. What if there was one person you held higher than all the rest but didn't feel possessed by that person? That they encouraged you to fulfil your desires and you theirs, regardless of whether those desires are with you or someone else? Is that possible? Can that open mindedness be strengthening to a relationship?

What about when the divide is between the persons involved rather than the relationship against the world as I said earlier? Who should have to sacrifice when one believes in monogamy and the other doesn't?

Is there a compromise? I love how many perspectives I am getting here! This is great! Man I have needed some good discussion with real sentences and not empty justifications.

#72 china cat

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Posted 27 December 2012 - 12:09 AM

Both really good points! I agree some people need to feel to feel worth something so they seek the attention sexually and that is not healthy. Those are the people that tend to also cling to jealousy once the roles are reversed. Aside from emotional train wrecks on a crash course for relationship disaster there are healthy well rounded people that simply hate getting in trouble for being themselves. What if someone just believes that everyone can love everyone and it's all a matter of perspective? That there isn't one person for each individual but rather parts of people that mesh with other people at different ages and stages? What if they believe marriage is about telling the world you have found someone who understands you and you understand them and you want the rest of the world to know that this person holds dear what is dear to you. Someone to speak for you when you cannot speak yourself any longer. Someone to advocate for when they need it. What if there was one person you held higher than all the rest but didn't feel possessed by that person? That they encouraged you to fulfil your desires and you theirs, regardless of whether those desires are with you or someone else? Is that possible? Can that open mindedness be strengthening to a relationship?

What about when the divide is between the persons involved rather than the relationship against the world as I said earlier? Who should have to sacrifice when one believes in monogamy and the other doesn't?

Is there a compromise? I love how many perspectives I am getting here! This is great! Man I have needed some good discussion with real sentences and not empty justifications.


my guess is these two probably aren't suited for each other. Should have been discussed before marriage and abide by what was discussed.

But if I have to choose who should sacrifice, I'd say the one who wants to look outside the marriage.

#73 little frog

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Posted 27 December 2012 - 12:11 AM

i'm not being sarcastic when i say, the above relationship you describe sounds like a co-dependant relationship. One person supporting another person's need to sleep with many people. Is this fulfilling for both parties? If it is, then it's perfect. If it is not, then one person is suffering not getting what they need from the relationship.

#74 Tim the Beek

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Posted 27 December 2012 - 12:11 AM

my guess is these two probably aren't suited for each other. Should have been discussed before marriage and abide by what was discussed.

But if I have to choose who should sacrifice, I'd say the one who wants to look outside the marriage.


What Clammy said.

#75 Karen

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Posted 27 December 2012 - 12:16 AM

Both really good points! I agree some people need to feel to feel worth something so they seek the attention sexually and that is not healthy. Those are the people that tend to also cling to jealousy once the roles are reversed. Aside from emotional train wrecks on a crash course for relationship disaster there are healthy well rounded people that simply hate getting in trouble for being themselves. What if someone just believes that everyone can love everyone and it's all a matter of perspective? That there isn't one person for each individual but rather parts of people that mesh with other people at different ages and stages? What if they believe marriage is about telling the world you have found someone who understands you and you understand them and you want the rest of the world to know that this person holds dear what is dear to you. Someone to speak for you when you cannot speak yourself any longer. Someone to advocate for when they need it. What if there was one person you held higher than all the rest but didn't feel possessed by that person? That they encouraged you to fulfil your desires and you theirs, regardless of whether those desires are with you or someone else? Is that possible? Can that open mindedness be strengthening to a relationship?

What about when the divide is between the persons involved rather than the relationship against the world as I said earlier? Who should have to sacrifice when one believes in monogamy and the other doesn't?

Is there a compromise? I love how many perspectives I am getting here! This is great! Man I have needed some good discussion with real sentences and not empty justifications.


I believe this is possible and not really that complicated. It's about agreement. Like China said, whether or not a couple chooses monogamy should be discussed prior to committing to a marriage. If, however along the way, one person or the other decides that monogamy is no longer what he/she wants, but wants the marriage too, I think it's unrealistic to expect that their partner comply just because they are feeling open minded.

#76 gregoir

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Posted 27 December 2012 - 12:25 AM

Both really good points! I agree some people need to feel to feel worth something so they seek the attention sexually and that is not healthy. Those are the people that tend to also cling to jealousy once the roles are reversed. Aside from emotional train wrecks on a crash course for relationship disaster there are healthy well rounded people that simply hate getting in trouble for being themselves. What if someone just believes that everyone can love everyone and it's all a matter of perspective? That there isn't one person for each individual but rather parts of people that mesh with other people at different ages and stages? What if they believe marriage is about telling the world you have found someone who understands you and you understand them and you want the rest of the world to know that this person holds dear what is dear to you. Someone to speak for you when you cannot speak yourself any longer. Someone to advocate for when they need it. What if there was one person you held higher than all the rest but didn't feel possessed by that person? That they encouraged you to fulfil your desires and you theirs, regardless of whether those desires are with you or someone else? Is that possible? Can that open mindedness be strengthening to a relationship?

What about when the divide is between the persons involved rather than the relationship against the world as I said earlier? Who should have to sacrifice when one believes in monogamy and the other doesn't?

Is there a compromise? I love how many perspectives I am getting here! This is great! Man I have needed some good discussion with real sentences and not empty justifications.


In my opinion it's not a marriage if its not about commitment. It's just something cheap like maybe a tax break. It's amazing how hard some people are fighting in this country to simply be able to get married and legally make that committment to another person and others choose to shit all over it. IF you are single do whatever the hell you want. That's a benefit of being single. Yes besides being the headiest person on this board I a also one of the prudest :pimp:

#77 Jwheelz

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Posted 27 December 2012 - 12:37 AM

In my opinion it's not a marriage if its not about commitment. It's just something cheap like maybe a tax break. It's amazing how hard some people are fighting in this country to simply be able to get married and legally make that committment to another person and others choose to shit all over it. IF you are single do whatever the hell you want. That's a benefit of being single. Yes besides being the headiest person on this board I a also one of the prudest :gregoir:


I totally understand that perspective.

But I also think that different people have a different idea of what commitment means. For some people commitment means exclusivity forever, for others it just means they are each other's primary partner...so you can be committed to someone but still be involved in other ways with other people that maybe aren't at the same level of that primary commitment... if you are one of those people who is so inclined of course...

There's lots of different ways for everyone to carry out their lives and relationships, I'm definitely of the school that says that everyone has to figure out what works best for them and the people in their own lives.

#78 gregoir

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Posted 27 December 2012 - 12:39 AM

I totally understand that perspective.

But I also think that different people have a different idea of what commitment means. For some people commitment means exclusivity forever, for others it just means they are each other's primary partner...so you can be committed to someone but still be involved in other ways with other people that maybe aren't at the same level of that primary commitment... if you are one of those people who is so inclined of course...

There's lots of different ways for everyone to carry out their lives and relationships, I'm definitely of the school that says that everyone has to figure out what works best for them and the people in their own lives.


So they should probably man up then when making said commitment in front of their friends and family. Mom and dad thanks for paying for this wedding. Thanks to all the people that spent money to see us commit our love and fidelity to each other. I'm only half into it though.

I don't like fibbers.

#79 gregoir

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Posted 27 December 2012 - 12:41 AM

I will say I found great amusement in the boardie that was married and thought it was a good idea to put In An Open Relationship as their marital staus. :rolling:

#80 Indigo Adventurer

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Posted 27 December 2012 - 12:43 AM

So if one wants it and the other doesn't that is an instant fail-marriage?

#81 Jwheelz

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Posted 27 December 2012 - 12:45 AM

That they encouraged you to fulfil your desires and you theirs, regardless of whether those desires are with you or someone else? Is that possible? Can that open mindedness be strengthening to a relationship?

What about when the divide is between the persons involved rather than the relationship against the world as I said earlier? Who should have to sacrifice when one believes in monogamy and the other doesn't?

Is there a compromise? I love how many perspectives I am getting here! This is great! Man I have needed some good discussion with real sentences and not empty justifications.


I think that type and degree of open-mindedness can be a source of strength, for some people... I think a lot of people truly don't want to go through the turmoil and difficulty of exploring something like that. I think it takes a very particular mindset and a particular perspective to want these things. Many people go through life without having any kind of relationship stability to begin with and I think when they find that it's something that they want to hold on to and not risk losing. For those who want to try something different though I think it's a potentially very revealing path to walk down.

When there is a divide I think it may be a sign of incompatibility, if someone's desire for monogamy versus non-monogamy changes that can be a shift in the couple's basic compatibility... if a divide of this type exists I think who sacrifices what is a matter up for discussion... but entering into that type of discussion both people have to be aware that could result in the end of the relationship if one person can't truly accept the other person's desires...

#82 Jwheelz

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Posted 27 December 2012 - 12:47 AM

So if one wants it and the other doesn't that is an instant fail-marriage?


It depends on the level of comfort each person has... some people are okay with the other person exploring that part of themselves elsewhere but don't want to do it themselves... there might be a middle ground but it really depends on the strength of the underlying relationship and the willingness of people to push their personal boundaries IMO

#83 gregoir

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Posted 27 December 2012 - 12:50 AM

So if one wants it and the other doesn't that is an instant fail-marriage?


What vows were made? Marriage in my mind is about a committed relationship for life or as long as two people can make it last. I have no problem with divorce. You can be in a relationship and fuck around all you want. But if you get up in front of your family and friends and committ yourself to one person, then go off and fuck whoever you want you are a liar in my opinion.

#84 Indigo Adventurer

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Posted 27 December 2012 - 12:51 AM

So they should probably man up then when making said commitment in front of their friends and family. Mom and dad thanks for paying for this wedding. Thanks to all the people that spent money to see us commit our love and fidelity to each other. I'm only half into it though.

I don't like fibbers.


I find this amusing my wedding cost about maybe a grand total and was very small. I never understood why people spend so much money on weddings. I mean it's nice to be all special for a day but I never understood the whole idea of weddings the way America does them.... such a waste. Also I'm not referring to someone who is half-heartedly into the marriage.

okay let's get a little more graphic. Say someone actually gets turned on by the idea of their spouse with other people? What if it becomes an erotic thing. Does that change the sanctions of the marriage? Or say that someonee really really wants blowjobs and the other doesn't give them does that mean they live their life wanting something simply because someone else says they can't have it? Wouldn't you want your significant other to be happy even it is something you cannot or will not provide? How does that change the situation if it does at all?

So many angles, so little time....

#85 gregoir

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Posted 27 December 2012 - 12:54 AM

there really aren't angles. I wouldn't marry anyone that I didn't want to be committed to for life. and I wouldn't want anyone to marry me unless they felt the same way. I am your old fashioned run if the mill heady as fuck man :pimp:

#86 Ginger Snap

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Posted 27 December 2012 - 12:55 AM

What vows were made? Marriage in my mind is about a committed relationship for life or as long as two people can make it last. I have no problem with divorce. You can be in a relationship and fuck around all you want. But if you get up in front of your family and friends and committ yourself to one person, then go off and fuck whoever you want you are a liar in my opinion.


You sound like a close minded conservative judging people on what goes on in their personal relationships. I don't believe in god does that mean I cant get married either because REALLY marriage is about joining two people before god. :rolleyes:

#87 Indigo Adventurer

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Posted 27 December 2012 - 12:57 AM

I will add the two people that sparked this debate between my friend and I are very involved, not at all a flimsy thing. Both are very committed to each other and love each other dearly. It is a situation of one wanting to expand more than the other. I personally if it's not obvious by this point lean towards the open minded friend who wants to be free to be themselves but have their best friend there to share it all with them. I believe without being yourself you can't commit to being an "us" and usually people become a watered down version of themselves in relationships and wake up years later to find themselves unhappy because they aren't honoring their true self. Is the physical really what defines their relationship? can there still be a relationship when the physical isn't confined to one person anymore?

#88 china cat

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Posted 27 December 2012 - 01:03 AM

What vows were made? Marriage in my mind is about a committed relationship for life or as long as two people can make it last. I have no problem with divorce. You can be in a relationship and fuck around all you want. But if you get up in front of your family and friends and committ yourself to one person, then go off and fuck whoever you want you are a liar in my opinion.


Don't vows commit you until death? So, how is divorce ok?

#89 china cat

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Posted 27 December 2012 - 01:19 AM

Life is complicated, people are complicated, relationships are complicated. it's really none of my business what others do in their relationships--why do I care what individuals agree to/struggle with inside their personal relationships?

Jealousy exists in monogamous relationships, as does desire to control the other, as does insecurity, as does lying and cheating... open marriages may navigate these issues with more honesty and awareness?

For me, monogamy is satisfying, supportive, and feels really safe. I think when you've truly found your spiritual life partner and best friend (with chemistry to boot), you just lose curiosity and desire for others. What you've got is so rewarding, you just can't imagine needing more or sharing what you have.

polygamy works for some, monogamy works for some, swinging works for some... marriage works for some though clearly not for the majority (who, ultimately, leave their marriages or stay together in misery), hell, platonic marriages work for some...

whatever, just talk about these issues in advance so you can make healthy decisions about who to share your time and body with.

#90 Jwheelz

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Posted 27 December 2012 - 01:23 AM

Life is complicated, people are complicated, relationships are complicated. it's really none of my business what others do in their relationships--why do I care what individuals agree to/struggle with inside their personal relationships?

Jealousy exists in monogamous relationships, as does desire to control the other, as does insecurity, as does lying and cheating... open marriages may navigate these issues with more honesty and awareness?

For me, monogamy is satisfying, supportive, and feels really safe. I think when you've truly found your spiritual life partner and best friend (with chemistry to boot), you just lose curiosity and desire for others. What you've got is so rewarding, you just can't imagine needing more or sharing what you have.

polygamy works for some, monogamy works for some, swinging works for some... marriage works for some though clearly not for the majority (who, ultimately, leave their marriages or stay together in misery), hell, platonic marriages work for some...

whatever, just talk about these issues in advance so you can make healthy decisions about who to share your time and body with.


This!

Especially the bold part! :mrgreen:

#91 Indigo Adventurer

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Posted 27 December 2012 - 01:35 AM

wow I am so glad this caught on so well. All lots of great points. I think I am just happy to see someone happy and to me the trust and faith in the person is more important to me than that the person only ever be with me and no one else. I don't need to be the only person for someone in order for my relationship to feel valid. That being said I think there is a lot to be said about integrity. How do you set the standards when it comes to the integrity of a relationship. What sets it apart from being single? I believe it is simply choosing to be with another person in more than the physical. I would rather the important things like family and health and building a life be reserved for that special someone and keep the physical just that-physical. If all the things that really really matter in life are reserved for someone special than what difference does that physical piece make? Does it really determine the integrity of the marriage?

#92 Indigo Adventurer

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Posted 27 December 2012 - 01:59 AM

Well everyone left the erotic part for dead huh? No one can speak for whether it changes when it becomes about sexual wellness and desire? Everyone seems to bring it down to whether it compromises the feelings each has for the other or the level of commitment to the relationship, what if each are committed just want different things sexually? What if that happens after they've been married a while? Do you let the marriage fail because the two are obviously not right for each other? Do you live miserably sacrificing yourself and what you really want simply because what you want is different than what the other wants? Or do you try to work through it and let the other fulfil their desires and know that when it comes down to it they love you more for letting them be themselves and fulfil those urges despite it all? If you let the marriage fail simply because the desires are differing from what they were when you first got married then isn't that the same as "not understanding compromise" just with another perspective?

#93 Spidergawd

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Posted 27 December 2012 - 02:04 AM

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#94 Ginger Snap

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Posted 27 December 2012 - 02:09 AM

these are not the hippies you're looking for. :lol:

#95 Indigo Adventurer

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Posted 27 December 2012 - 02:30 AM

these are not the hippies you're looking for. :lol:


Who isn't finding the hippies they're looking for?

#96 little frog

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Posted 27 December 2012 - 02:32 AM

i wonder why you keep separating intimacy from the marriage as if it's not really part of the committment.

#97 concert andy

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Posted 27 December 2012 - 02:33 AM

:popcorn1:

#98 Tad Dense

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Posted 27 December 2012 - 02:44 AM

OK I get it.


I just want you to know

I'm here for you ladies...I care :angel:

#99 Tad Dense

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Posted 27 December 2012 - 02:50 AM

If you don't want to be in a monogamous then don't get married...stay single and swing!

In my experiece most of the people that don't beleive in monogomy are also ugly. What's up with that? :dunno:

I guess ugos need lots o love.:pimp:


Hey fellas what's with all the rich leather talk...I don't get it :dunno:

:lol:

#100 Indigo Adventurer

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Posted 27 December 2012 - 03:04 AM

i wonder why you keep separating intimacy from the marriage as if it's not really part of the committment.


That is my point- does it have to be? Why is it so important to be part of the commitment? Can healthy relationships function if that isn't a part of their relationship? Why is that particular commitment so important to the stability of a relationship? I did get some points earlier about just having the ability to choose not to give in to desires in order to show the other person they are more important than those desires. A very good point. But still, I believe each person should still retain their right to be themselves even in marriage or relationships. And sexual desire is a part of ones self. If the desire doesn't coincide does that end the relationship? Or is that something that should be worked through. I feel like marriage is so important and so is self fulfilment that both should be able to coexist through honesty and trust. There can be no cheating if there is no jealousy because there is absolute trust and faith in each other.