152 replies to this topic

[Indigo Adventurer]

So a friend and I are having a discussion and I thought the expansiveness of it seemed like something open to mass opinion. I will save my side of it for later but I would like to get some opinion here. Perhaps it might shed some insight into our conversation.

Can anyone explain to me why if someone does not live in any sort of religious manner, bears little to no faith in most religions specifically Christian, Catholic, or any of the like, why monogamy in marriage is necessary? What is the major argument? What purpose does it serve?

Are you for monogamy in marriage? Against it? Indifferent? It's each couple's own business?

Does anyone have a non-monogamous marriage? Care to share some insight?

We have a great debate going and I would love some added points.

[Terrapin Station]

In b4 the move.

[Jwheelz]

I'm guessing this will end up in Love & Sex.. but I'm still going answer the question... personally I don't think there is a specific reason to be monogamous in a marriage... not that I am married or necessarily interested in the idea of marriage to begin with, I'm really not sure about that for me. Ultimately I think a marriage or relationship is whatever the people in it decide it is. As you mentioned, in terms of having a religious structure imposing requirements on what that means I can certainly understand that if someone subscribes to those types of belief systems. But ultimately, relationships are for the benefit of the people involved in them and it doesn't matter what expectations society puts upon those people, because it's not society's choice IMO.

I have more thoughts on this in terms of my personal views but I'm going to wait till the move for that

[syd_25]

I think it's each couples own business.

[Joker]

I'd say it's only necessary if one of the parties believes it's necessary.

I would offer up my other opinions on the subject but I'll have to check with the wife first to see what they are

[JBetty]

Monogamy is a matter of physical health and honesty.
So many diseases can be passed from person to person, and the more partners you have, the more likely you are to catch something nasty.
There is nothing inherently wrong with having multiple partners, as long as each and every person knows you are physically intimate with others so they can make their own choices.

[Tim the Beek]

It may serve to protect the marriage, and to keep partners from hurting one another. In my experience, many people aren't capable of processing the jealousy which is almost certain to arise from time to time in nonmonogamous partnerships.

Been down that path before, and now find myself with someone who is so well matched to me in so many ways that I have no desire to be with anyone else. Surprised the hell out of me when I realized that that had happened.

[Terrapin Station]

Bingo J-Betty.


Or you can wear condoms for the rest of your life.

[Feck]

<< does not live in any sort of religious manner, bears no faith in all religions specifically Christian, Catholic, or any of the like, and does not feel monogamy in marriage is necessary - It's each couple's own business.

[concert andy]

I just stated somewhere else that I am not engaging in this sort of discussions anymore.

[JBetty]

Bingo J-Betty.


Or you can wear condoms for the rest of your life.

Condoms have been known to fail on occasion.

[gregoir]

I am not religious. I also believe that if I am going to spend the time and effort to be with someone we better be fully committed to each other. Even when I am single, which is most of the time, I don't sleep around. I believe that sex is an important thing not something we simply just do.

[Java Time]

If you don't want to be in a monogamous then don't get married...stay single and swing!

[gregoir]

In my experiece most of the people that don't beleive in monogomy are also ugly. What's up with that?

I guess ugos need lots o love.

[TheDHJ]

I'm monogamous because the redhead is all I need.

[Tim the Beek]

In my experiece most of the people that don't beleive in monogomy are also ugly. What's up with that?

I guess ugos need lots o love.

Not true in my experience. Maybe the good lookin' one's are a little subtler about it.

To clarify what I wrote above...as far as I'm concerned, it's none of my business whether anyone other than my partner chooses monogamy or not. Nonmonogamy makes sense to me philosophically, but I've seen the damage that can come out of it it, and, again, have no desire to be with anyone other than my Darling Clamintine.

[JBetty]

In my experiece most of the people that don't beleive in monogomy are also ugly. What's up with that?

I guess ugos need lots o love.

That's a really mean thing to say.

[gregoir]

That's a really mean thing to say.

yup terrible I am sure people are very upset about it.

[JBetty]

[Joker]

have no desire to be with anyone other than my Darling Clamintine.

Something smells fishy

[TakeAStepBack]

That is between the couple. I can see it from both sides.

[Ginger Snap]

I think there are other and have been other cultures that understood that we're really only a partially monogamous species and created spaces within the culture that one could explore and indulge in their sensuality/sexuality without fear of ridicule, judgement, or shame; where sexuality is a part of the whole being rather than a thing to be objectified, or even worse, a sin. Whether a mistress, concubine, courtesans, geisha, etc...sure we know more about men being able to have sexual relations "outside" of marriage, maybe partly because they have typically had more power, but also because we don't really know that much about women's sexuality in our history because they've in effect been written out of it....but I digress.

I like the core belief section towards the middle of this writing that talks about dealing with jealousy in open relationships.

http://www.cat-and-d...a/jealousy.html

Personally I think if someone is in a relationship that they feel they will never want to be with anyone else, than that's fine, that's how they feel and are. There are all kinds of ways of living.

[Indigo Adventurer]

Lot's of insight! and so fast might I add So far I have found that most people cannot process the emotions that arise from being so open. It takes a lot of courage to confront those things within yourself and move past them. There is a lot of fear and insecurity that comes along with that. When something so scary and challenging arises it can be intimidating to push through but I have also seen great rewards from confronting difficult emotions and perceptions within myself. I am left to wonder... would this be any different for someone? Would they come out better shedding those stigmas and constraints and living openly with another of similar mindset? Would it make their relationship stronger? Would it make them stronger as individuals?

Also I am new to forums and such so if there is a better place to post things by all means let me know what I can be doing better here. I would love to also learn all of the annoying nuances in forum based social networking.... I don't want to drive you all insane with ignorance

[Indigo Adventurer]

I think there are other and have been other cultures that understood that we're really only a partially monogamous species and created spaces within the culture that one could explore and indulge in their sensuality/sexuality without fear or ridicule, judgement, or shame; where sexuality is a part of the whole being rather than a thing to be objectified, or even worse, a sin. Whether a mistress, concubine, courtesans, geisha, etc...sure we know more about men being able to have sexual relations "outside" of marriage, maybe partly because they have typically had more power, but also because we don't really know that much about women's sexuality in our history because they've in effect been written out of it....but I digress.

I like the core belief section towards the middle of this writing that talks about dealing with jealousy in open relationships.

http://www.cat-and-d...a/jealousy.html

Personally I think if someone is in a relationship that they feel they will never want to be with anyone else, than that's fine, that's how they feel and are. There are all kinds of ways of living.

well said!

[Tim the Beek]

I don't want to drive you all insane with ignorance

Why not? That's what the rest of us do to each other.

[JBetty]

Why not? That's what the rest of us do to each other.

And we always have the option of leaving the boards forever, if you get really bad.

[Jwheelz]

I left the boards forever for the first time a few weeks ago

[melissaphish]

momogamy is necessary in my marriage - I do not share well.

[Joker]

Also I am new to forums and such so if there is a better place to post things by all means let me know what I can be doing better here. I would love to also learn all of the annoying nuances in forum based social networking.... I don't want to drive you all insane with ignorance

Well, and this is just to be helpful to you, there is the #1s of neub's beubs rule...just saying

[Ginger Snap]

momogamy is necessary in my marriage - I do not share well.

And it has absolutely nothing to do with religion.

[Indigo Adventurer]

momogamy is necessary in my marriage - I do not share well.

But why? Can you explain why it is necessary?

[TheDHJ]

But why? Can you explain why it is necessary?

Must there be a reason?

[Indigo Adventurer]

That was the point of my post- to delve into the reasons why or why not. I am seeking logical explanations as to why or why not one believes it should be one way or another. Or to simply say it shouldn't be specified one way or another and is up to individual choice. Another spin-

what if the discrepancy was not with the relationship defending against societal stigmas but rather a difference of opinions within the relationship? How would that influence the opinion?

[TheDHJ]

Can't it just be that two people feel spiritually entwined and don't need other dicks or puss waved in their faces? Like I said before, maybe you missed it...my redhead gives me all I need. There's no reason to look anywhere else.

[Royal]

I'm monogamous because the redhead is all I need.

You say that, but have you had NikkiBlue approach you with whips and chains?

[TheDHJ]

You say that, but have you had NikkiBlue approach you with whips and chains?

Yes, and I ran away screaming for my momma.

[Ginger Snap]

Lot's of insight! and so fast might I add So far I have found that most people cannot process the emotions that arise from being so open.

It seems to me that most people also cannot process the emotions that arise from being so closed given the 50% divorce rate and the folks that stay in miserable relationships.

[Indigo Adventurer]

It seems to me that most people also cannot process the emotions that arise from being so closed given the 50% divorce rate and the folks that stay in miserable relationships.

Exactly! America is one of the few nations that still upholds a general societal regard towards monogamy and yet we have a 50% divorce rate! Then further more recent polls show that roughly on average about 38% of married couples actually consider themselves happy that number declining steadily the longer the marriage lasts. Eventually leading to what is called "grey divorce" where older couples separate from each other after decades of marriage. I wonder why still we choose to uphold the idea of monogamy so sacred, seemingly without any real explanation from most people. I get a lot of "because it should be that way" Well who says? What if you don't say? Why do people even say to begin with?

[Ginger Snap]

Yeah I don't necessarily think that high divorce rates are all to do with sex- I'm just saying that monogamous folks don't seem to be any better dealing with their emotions which makes it difficult to sustain any healthy relationship.

[Jwheelz]

I have known a number of people over the years who are in very unhappy relationships and rather than try to deal with the underlying issues or make a decision to get out, they remain static and stay in their misery...It's hard to deal with your emotions but I know for me doing so, not even in the context of talking about relationships, has been amazingly freeing. I think fear of what they'll find keeps people from trying to knock down the walls they put up with themselves and with others

[Ginger Snap]

I have known a number of people over the years who are in very unhappy relationships and rather than try to deal with the underlying issues or make a decision to get out, they remain static and stay in their misery...It's hard to deal with your emotions but I know for me doing so, not even in the context of talking about relationships, has been amazingly freeing. I think fear of what they'll find keeps people from trying to knock down the walls they put up with themselves and with others

Fuck me you've been talking to chinabeek haven't you?

[Tim the Beek]

[Jwheelz]

Fuck me you've been talking to chinabeek haven't you?

1st part: Okay ( )

2nd part: yeah, they're just the worst couple ever aren't they?

[Tim the Beek]

I haz new addition to my sig!

[Ginger Snap]

[Jwheelz]

[gregoir]

Lot's of insight! and so fast might I add So far I have found that most people cannot process the emotions that arise from being so open. It takes a lot of courage to confront those things within yourself and move past them. There is a lot of fear and insecurity that comes along with that. When something so scary and challenging arises it can be intimidating to push through but I have also seen great rewards from confronting difficult emotions and perceptions within myself. I am left to wonder... would this be any different for someone? Would they come out better shedding those stigmas and constraints and living openly with another of similar mindset? Would it make their relationship stronger? Would it make them stronger as individuals?

Also I am new to forums and such so if there is a better place to post things by all means let me know what I can be doing better here. I would love to also learn all of the annoying nuances in forum based social networking.... I don't want to drive you all insane with ignorance

See in my experience many people I know that sleep around, note I said many not all, do it because they can't deal with their emotions. They do it to validate their looks, self worth etc. They also like to claim what they do is meaningless aka just sex that's why they do it. When it is apparent that is far from the truth.

[Jwheelz]

I think there is a difference between people that mess around on their partner without that person's consent and people who are not monogamous within the context of loving relationships... I think there is an element of consent involved in general when people are in nonmonogamous relationships... I don't think that kind of behavior is okay without the knowledge of everyone involved IMO

[china cat]

Not true in my experience. Maybe the good lookin' one's are a little subtler about it.

To clarify what I wrote above...as far as I'm concerned, it's none of my business whether anyone other than my partner chooses monogamy or not. Nonmonogamy makes sense to me philosophically, but I've seen the damage that can come out of it it, and, again, have no desire to be with anyone other than my Darling Clamintine.

I would have(cautiously) considered nonmonogamy but I'm beyond blissed in my current relationship, which makes nonmonogamy seem absurd at this point. absolutely not an ounce of desire for anyone other than my man.

I know people in open marriages - it's complicated. She goes outside of the marriage, he does not, (though he does have permission). He is hurt by her behavior but accepts it's this or divorce. Not sure I could be him and not sure I could be her (knowing I was hurting my partner and friend).

But I think people should be free to have whatever type of relationship they so choose. Just be honest and open with all parties and show consideration for one another.

~Clammy

[china cat]

Fuck me you've been talking to chinabeek haven't you?

giggles