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You can't make this up....


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#1 Mind Left Body

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Posted 05 December 2012 - 06:42 PM

http://thedailycrick...rrest-on-rt-95/


Three people remain in custody after being arrested on Saturday morning following a traffic stop in Canton. In what was described by Lt. Paul Sullivan as “the most bizarre traffic stop” that he has seen in his 23 years on the force, Canton police responded to a report of a disabled vehicle traveling on Route 95. They came across the vehicle shortly after 2 a.m. traveling in the high-speed lane on the southbound side.
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Former male model Francis Fasher of Foxboro was arrested and charged with DUI.
“We spotted the green Hyundai Elantra traveling at approximately five miles-per-hour in the passing lane with a huge shower of sparks coming from the rear of the vehicle. As we got closer we noticed that the rear end of the vehicle was dragging on the ground due to the fact that there were no rear tires or axle on the vehicle,” said Lt. Sullivan of the Canton Police. “After the vehicle pulled over, we approached it and found that the driver was not only drinking a can of beer, but that he was not wearing any pants and that he had urinated on himself.”
After not one, but two, brief foot chases, Francis Fasher, 45, of Foxboro, was placed under arrest.
“There were also two female passengers in the back seat,” stated Lt. Sullivan. “One of the females was asleep, partially clad. The other was extremely hysterical. At that time, we believed that she might have been under the influence of PCP, due to the fact that she claimed there were mice biting at her and climbing on her.”
Because of the size of the two women, police were unable to pull the women out of the rear doors of the vehicle. After members of the Canton Rescue Squad cut the roof off the vehicle, and with the help of a crane supplied by Shaugnessy Crane, the women were lifted out of the car. Police estimate the weight of each woman was between 300 and 450 pounds.
Shortly after being extracted from the vehicle, the two women began arguing with each other and blows were thrown. At that point, police arrested 17-year-old Tina “Pebbles” Zonfrelli of Foxboro and 56-year-old Donna Dyers of Lynn.
“We followed the drag marks and found that the axle and tires had separated from the vehicle some four miles back. The axle, wheels and tires were found in the parking lot of the Ancient Mariner Lounge located in Foxboro,” stated Canton police officer James C. West. “At this time we believe that the three individuals had patronized the Mariner Lounge for the better part of the day, and that at closing time, they decided to continue the party at Mr. Fasher’s apartment.”
Upon entering the vehicle, the combined weight of the occupants caused the axle and wheels to separate from the vehicle.
“It is unbelievable that an individual could drive over four miles and not realize that there were no rear tires on the car,” says West.
During the search of the vehicle, police came up with an unexpected find.
“The interior of the vehicle was very messy. There were beer cans, food wrappers, rib bones, and other rubbish in the car. Under the driver’s seat we found a nest of mice. I guess she did see a mouse,” West chuckled.
Police charged Fasher with driving while intoxicated, indecent exposure, urinating in public, disturbing the peace, failure to stay in marked lanes, destruction of public property, assaulting a police officer, driving an unregistered motor vehicle, driving an uninsured motor vehicle, non-payment of child support, public intoxication, evading police, passengers not wearing seat belts, transporting lab animals without proper permits and contributing to the delinquency of a minor.
“We’ve been after this guy for quite some time,” said West. “Mr. Fasher is well known to us. He is a renowned transvestite, and he’s been arrested a number of times for prostitution. In June of 1998, he was arrested six times in one week. In fact, three of those arrests occurred on one day.”
Fasher faces a number of complaints from business owners in Canton and charges have been filed against him by a number of citizens in the community. Four people have filed civil-damage lawsuits against him after their private property was damaged by Fasher. One person has alleged that he had sex with her prize-winning French poodle in her backyard.
Jimmy Chan, owner of Golden China restaurant claims that he assaulted an employee and caused damages to his establishment.
“He drink all morning,” said Chan. “He get crazy. I tell him no more beer for you and he throw Pu-Pu platter at waitress. He a very bad man. He broke very expensive mirror!”
James Marathos, owner of Marathos Carpets, alleges that he found Fasher sleeping in his store when he opened up for business one morning three weeks ago.
“He broke in through the back door and passed out right here,” pointing out the spot, said Marathos. “I threw him out but later I discovered that he had urinated all over our entire Persian rug collection, and I ended up with a cleaning bill for $2,600.
Fisher is scheduled to appear in Norfolk County District Court on Monday morning.

#2 unbroken_chain

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Posted 05 December 2012 - 06:45 PM

I can attest that bitzes from Lynn be nutz, and often rather on the large side.

#3 TakeAStepBack

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Posted 05 December 2012 - 06:48 PM

No signs of a degenerative society here.....

Holy shit!!! :lmao:

#4 georgi

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Posted 05 December 2012 - 06:55 PM

Wait...former male model? :huh:

#5 georgi

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Posted 05 December 2012 - 06:56 PM

I am so fucking confused. I read it like, 4 times. :lol:

#6 unbroken_chain

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Posted 05 December 2012 - 06:56 PM

Upon entering the vehicle, the combined weight of the occupants caused the axle and wheels to separate from the vehicle.

where is the video grab when you really really need it.

#7 TakeAStepBack

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Posted 05 December 2012 - 06:56 PM

Yeah, you know Francis Fasher of Foxboro.

#8 Jwheelz

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Posted 05 December 2012 - 07:03 PM

nans....

#9 Tim the Beek

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Posted 05 December 2012 - 07:04 PM

My first thought was of sadness for these people...my second was, is The Daily Cricket kinda a junior version of The Onion?

#10 Joker

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Posted 05 December 2012 - 07:07 PM

This was from a few years ago. Probably after one of their Full Figure Friday parties

#11 Mind Left Body

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Posted 05 December 2012 - 07:07 PM

I just found it funny. Real or not it gave me a chuckle.

#12 Jwheelz

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Posted 05 December 2012 - 07:08 PM

definitely funny yes.... I :lol: 'd

#13 SunshineDrummer

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Posted 05 December 2012 - 08:45 PM

You made this whole story up, didn't you? :lol:

#14 unbroken_chain

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Posted 05 December 2012 - 09:32 PM

You made this whole story up, didn't you? :lol:


I am beginning to think someone did!! :tapfoot:

#15 Eco

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Posted 06 December 2012 - 12:50 AM

The dude just knows how to party hard, no harm....except "had sex with her prize-winning French poodle"...that's over the top.

#16 Jwheelz

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Posted 06 December 2012 - 12:55 AM

I also think the stereotypical Asian restaurant owner man made it sound a little too fake :lol:

#17 capt_morgan

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Posted 06 December 2012 - 01:00 AM

so this dude was getting a penile implant?

#18 Eco

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Posted 06 December 2012 - 01:51 AM

so this dude was getting a penile implant?


Read it again, it clearly says penile extension so he can hit those fluffy chicks stuck in the backseat.

#19 Ginger Snap

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Posted 06 December 2012 - 02:07 AM

This story doesn't add up. It says they were stopped on the southbound side of 95 by Canton Police, and that the axle and tires were found at the Mariner in Foxboro. I know that bar and have drank there several times. He'd have had to drive 2 miles back to the highway, then hop on 95 north all the way up to 128 and spin around via the Milton off ramp and head back south again. It's way more than 4 miles. And Canton cops don't patrol the interstate, only Staties. This is either BS or really bad reporting.

#20 Ginger Snap

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Posted 06 December 2012 - 02:22 AM

I like this page on the daily cricket website:

"The Daily Cricket was started in 2008 but sat neglected like a redheaded stepchild for 3 years. Then something happened." :lol:

http://thedailycricket.com/about/

#21 Spidergawd

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Posted 06 December 2012 - 01:15 PM

:lmao: LULZ!!

Dude kind of sounds like the man to me.

#22 Spidergawd

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Posted 06 December 2012 - 01:15 PM

How much of a horrific fatass do you have to be the BREAK THE AXLES ON YOUR CAR????