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Flirty texts or emails? Is this cheating?


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#51 TakeAStepBack

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 12:37 AM

Shew, glad someone caught that. :D

#52 hoagie

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 12:50 AM

Unbelievably, Im with TASB on this one.

If you seriously have an issue with your SO flirting with others, but there's been no reason to not trust them, I dont see how getting bent over something that is fun to do will help your relationship. If anything, good flirting outside the relationship can make it that more hot when you are alone with you SO.

Being jealous never helped ANYTHING...it's just another fearful emotion that will destroy the relationship eventually.

As was mentioned previously, if you have a jealous-type SO, probably a bad move to go harmlessly flirting ith any other person.

If your SO is like KrisNYG, I cant see how she'd mind a little harmless flirting at all.

#53 Tim the Beek

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 12:30 PM

If you seriously have an issue with your SO flirting with others, but there's been no reason to not trust them, I dont see how getting bent over something that is fun to do will help your relationship. If anything, good flirting outside the relationship can make it that more hot when you are alone with you SO.


I don't personally think there's anything wrong with a flirtatious comment on occasion, but this:

You do nothing. Never act on it. Just lots of emails or texts. Could go on for years, but remember never acting on it.

AND your sig other does not know about texts or emails.


suggests a pattern of conduct, and it suggests that it's being hidden. It begins to get into the realm of being a reason for not trusting someone, IMO.

Being jealous never helped ANYTHING...it's just another fearful emotion that will destroy the relationship eventually.


Amen to that. But so will lack of communication.

#54 Wende

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 12:32 PM

Don't worry he only sends me photos but no flirty texts. :gregoir:



That's hot!

And I think I misunderstood this thread.

So, I'm just going to go with "Penis" all the way. :)

#55 Spidergawd

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 01:05 PM

Committed relationship does not = dead. Sorry, if I'm with someone he must be pretty kick ass, to think someone else wouldn't pick up on that is absurd to me.
You either trust someone or you don't. You either have self confidence or you don't. IMO, it's really that simple. If I had a nickel for every time I was flirted with (I work in a lolrestaurant/concert venue/bar some nights) I'd have at least a few mortgage payments. Hell, I volley back pretty damn well too. I would not feel the need to keep it secret nor would I feel the need to make a phone call every time it happened. I was told today via FB PM that I had a fabulous ass. Quite frankly, I'd like to make a billboard out of that one since I always thought I was assless! :lol: If/when it crosses the line is when I'll handle it. I really don't get the secrecy or the need for full disclosure. But that's just me.



YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!!!


How YOU doin'? :devil:

#56 hoagie

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 01:32 PM

Nice ass!





FACE

#57 Spidergawd

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 01:33 PM

Nice shoes!





FACE


:thumbup:

#58 hoagie

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 01:34 PM

Im gonna do some sole searching...

#59 china cat

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 01:39 PM

. I was told today via FB PM that I had a fabulous ass. Quite frankly, I'd like to make a billboard out of that one since I always thought I was assless!


:blush: Sometimes, I picture massaging it with my new Strawberries and cream massage oil.

#60 unbroken_chain

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 02:35 PM

:moose:

#61 TEO

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 02:38 PM

:blush: Sometimes, I picture massaging it with my new Strawberries and cream massage oil.


HOT :crazy:

Very much pro flirting Very much anti deception

The hidden ongoing written affair premise makes me uncomfortable due to the hidden nature.

#62 Joker

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 02:50 PM

I was told today via FB PM that I had a fabulous ass.


Sorry that was auto-corrected what I said was you have a flatulent ass Posted Image

#63 TEO

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 02:51 PM

Oh my! :rotf:

#64 Tim the Beek

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 02:54 PM

HOT :crazy:


Switch it to Twinkie scented massage oil, and I, for one, will offer to shoot the #3s.

Very much pro flirting Very much anti deception


[/thread]

#65 KrisNYG

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 03:55 PM

Unbelievably, Im with TASB on this one.

If you seriously have an issue with your SO flirting with others, but there's been no reason to not trust them, I dont see how getting bent over something that is fun to do will help your relationship. If anything, good flirting outside the relationship can make it that more hot when you are alone with you SO.

Being jealous never helped ANYTHING...it's just another fearful emotion that will destroy the relationship eventually.

As was mentioned previously, if you have a jealous-type SO, probably a bad move to go harmlessly flirting ith any other person.

If your SO is like KrisNYG, I cant see how she'd mind a little harmless flirting at all.


Holy shit! I agree with Hoagie! :shocked:
There is one statement that needs tweaking though. It should read... "As was mentioned previously, if you have a jealous-type SO, probably a good idea to GTFO."

How YOU doin'? :devil:


Very well, and you? :naughty:

:blush: Sometimes, I picture massaging it with my new Strawberries and cream massage oil.


Reow!

HOT :crazy:

Very much pro flirting Very much anti deception

The hidden ongoing written affair premise makes me uncomfortable due to the hidden nature.


Once again, TEO nails it. ( :naughty: )

Sorry that was auto-corrected what I said was you have a flatulent ass Posted Image


:asshole:

Switch it to Twinkie scented massage oil, and I, for one, will offer to shoot the #3s.



[/thread]


<----- likes twinkies. :thup:

Funny side note, the "nice ass" guy took the "compliment" to the inappropriate place and has subsequently been handled. :thup:

#66 Feck

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 07:28 PM

my ex wife was cleaning our dresser drawers when she found 3 golf balls and a box with $2000 in it.

She waited for me to come home from the golf course to ask me why these things were hidden in our dresser drawer.

I said I'm sorry I hid this from you but the truth is every time I cheated on you over the last 30 years I put a golf ball in the drawer.

My wife was very upset at first but after thinking about it said "I guess 3 times in 30 years is really not that bad!

Oh by the way what is the $2000 in the drawer?








Every time I got to a dozen balls I sold them..

#67 Wende

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 09:17 PM

WHOA :lol: :lol:

classic

#68 Jwheelz

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 09:31 PM

Holy shit! I agree with Hoagie! :shocked:
There is one statement that needs tweaking though. It should read... "As was mentioned previously, if you have a jealous-type SO, probably a good idea to GTFO."


I agree with this, if somebody is motivated by jealousy that does not make me happy to be with them... I think some amount of jealousy can naturally arise in some situations, but it has to be dealt with and resolved ultimately in a positive way. This is different than someone being a "jealous type" where there is a constant impulse to hide even innocuous behaviors for fear of inflaming or offending the other person. In my opinion the latter has no place in a healthy relationship. I always amazed when I meet people that are okay with submitting to ridiculous amounts of oversight from their partner because "oh he/she gets jealous."

#69 Julius

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 09:35 PM

Good ass, check!

#70 hoagie

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 10:10 PM

Jealous people have no confidence, or have low self esteem, from my experience.

The whole "i cannot bear to live without you" type of person is equally destructive in my opinion, as one has to be preparedto lose those most dear at any time, because it will eventually happen one way or another.

Hope that wasnt a downer.


#71 Jwheelz

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 10:14 PM

:lol:

#72 Wende

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 10:17 PM

Jealous people have no confidence, or have low self esteem, from my experience.

The whole "i cannot bear to live without you" type of person is equally destructive in my opinion, as one has to be preparedto lose those most dear at any time, because it will eventually happen one way or another.

Hope that wasnt a downer.



You say that now. Just wait until I steal your girl from you......You'll be crying like a little baby you insecure mess you.
Now let's get back to flirting via PM. :lol:

#73 hoagie

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 10:18 PM

Wende and Wendi.

Sounds hot to me :naughty:

#74 KrisNYG

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 10:19 PM

:rolling:

#75 hoagie

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 10:22 PM

Im now conflicted...should i even introduce you two??

:facepalm:

And you, stop rolling around withthat great ass o yours.



#76 Wende

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 10:28 PM

Im now conflicted...should i even introduce you two??

:picardfp:



aww. are you feelin a bit "insecure" :lol:

And yes, you should totally introduce us. I hear she's hot! :)

#77 Jersey Thug

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 10:40 PM

I think some amount of jealousy can naturally arise in some situations, but it has to be dealt with and resolved ultimately in a positive way. This is different than someone being a "jealous type" where there is a constant impulse to hide even innocuous behaviors for fear of inflaming or offending the other person. In my opinion the latter has no place in a healthy relationship. I always amazed when I meet people that are okay with submitting to ridiculous amounts of oversight from their partner because "oh he/she gets jealous."


blech...me too. i've only been in one such relationship, when i was very young, and it didn't last long once all that began. trust is paramount to me.

so, somehow the conversation went from being about someone who was sending flirtatious texts and emails to one person, not their S.O., frequently over a period of years and hides this from their partner (which wouldn't be acceptable behavior in most relationships, i think we can all agree) to a discussion about jealous partners (which we can all agree, is also unacceptable behavior).

jealousy is unattractive and insecurity can kill a relationship for sure, but i'm still curious about where folks draw the line with regard to the subject at hand: long-term flirtation with someone other than your S.O. i know Andy wasn't particularly clear about the type of flirtation he wanted us to consider, but it's an interesting topic nonetheless.

as a group, i think we may be comfortable with certain behaviors amongst friends that more traditional folks would consider acceptable...hell, i KNOW we are :lol: and the rules are different for each relationship. my girlfriends have a lot of leeway, whereas guy friends just know not to go there...it would be too awkward.

i guess the question is, when does innocent, light-hearted flirting cross the line to cheating or betraying your partner? is it only when flirtation turns to openly sexual conversation? or if that's alright, would the line be crossed when talk about sex transitions from "i really like it when he/she..." to "i wish you could/would..."? or is it only when you act upon it? how about sharing compromising photos? what about if you never touch the object of your flirtation in person, but sext or skype regularly?

what about if nothing of that sort ever happens, but you routinely share things (feelings, thoughts, dreams, whatever) with them that you don't share with your partner? or when you compare the two, with your partner always coming out the loser (ie: "i could never talk about this with my husband, but you're so much more adventurous/open/thoughtful/caring"?

where do/would you draw the line?

#78 Tim the Beek

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 11:03 PM

i guess the question is, when does innocent, light-hearted flirting cross the line to cheating or betraying your partner?


The line lies where if I crossed over into something- a pattern, behavior or type of conduct - that I believed, when I looked at it honestly, would make my partner uncomfortable and/or give her reason not to trust me if she knew about it.

#79 Julius

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 11:28 PM

I like where this is going. A much more interesting question (to me anyway) is what constitutes unreasonable jealousy?

There is one member of this community, thankfully sort of on the periphery, who requires constant affirmation from his wife and displays visible jealousy whenever she so much as talks to another man. I have such little respect for that behavior that I've broken off contact with both of them. As far as I'm concerned, if she's willing to tolerate that then she's no friend of mine. As for him, I probably wouldn't save him if he was drowning.

I bet a whole bunch of you can probably guess exactly who I'm talking about and have seen the same thing.

#80 hoagie

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 11:30 PM

aww. are you feelin a bit "insecure" :lol:

And yes, you should totally introduce us. I hear she's hot! :)


You heard right.

:goes to PM:

#81 KrisNYG

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Posted 17 November 2012 - 07:56 AM

Taken from JT... "I guess the question is, when does innocent, light-hearted flirting cross the line to cheating or betraying your partner?"

My take on this snippet is when it makes "the" person in "the" relationship uncomfortable. There will always be primal instincts as well as insecurities in all of us, the line is when fear becomes involved, imo (with what someone may be doing and what the other may find out, or vice versa, and how all will react). Let me be clear, I have ZERO room for disrespect put on myself by others nor will I tolerate it to ones I care about. But I'm a Taurus, we're loyal as the day is long and definitely a different breed. I think that's why we are known for being flirts, we don't understand the harm it may cause! :lol:

#82 hoagie

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Posted 17 November 2012 - 02:46 PM

But I'm a Taurus, we're loyal as the day is long


So your loyalty depends on latitude?

#83 Spidergawd

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Posted 17 November 2012 - 03:40 PM

If you gotta hide it, it's most likely wrong.

And...

There ain't no doubt once the junk comes out.

/thread

:funny1:

#84 KrisNYG

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Posted 17 November 2012 - 09:06 PM

I like where this is going. A much more interesting question (to me anyway) is what constitutes unreasonable jealousy?


Good question! Seemed so simple to answer until I started typing! :lol:

I believe social/romantic jealousy primarily roots from familial relationships. One sibling feels inadequate to another, loss of attention or abandonment from one or both parents (extra emphasis on the opposite sex parent), as well as physical appearance and/or strength comparisons to another. The family unit is where esteem is born. It will either flourish and bring with it self confidence, or it will corrode and seed inferiority. Friendships, cliques, sports/educational rivalry, and hierarchy in the workplace can have a similar effect.

Cultural experiences also play large roles through media, fashion, monetary class, material possession expectations, etc.. That could fall under the definition of envy more so than jealousy, jury's still out on that one for me. :lol:

It seems that men fear the physical betrayal where women fear the emotional, more times than not. Men who exhibit extreme jealousy usually do it because of their animal instinct of being the leader and provider of the family. When that is threatened (real or imagined) they are more apt to become verbally abusive, controlling, and violent. Women seem to fear physical abandonment, loss of the emotional bond and destruction of the family unit. They are more apt to act out with an "I'm going to ruin you" attitude. Women (imo) also seem to be more willing to forgive and repair a relationship after infidelity then men.

In my personal experience, unreasonable jealousy usually comes out when communication breaks down, the physical and emotional element is neglected due to routine, or the relationship is on it's way out due to incompatibility. That's when feelings of suspicion, distrust, fear of being left, or physically being alone can arise. Combine those aspects with a psychologically skewed view of self worth, and kaboom!

And yes, I think I know who you are talking about. I've seen it and it's not pretty.

#85 cassady

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Posted 17 November 2012 - 09:24 PM

i think spending the last 30+ years with lisa jades me a bit with this subject, as well as the term "committed relationship"

just saying............;)

#86 gregoir

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Posted 17 November 2012 - 09:31 PM

Oh we all know you should be committed.

#87 Wende

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Posted 17 November 2012 - 09:37 PM

I know I should be. Oy.

#88 KrisNYG

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Posted 17 November 2012 - 09:39 PM

Oh we all know you should be committed.


:lol:

#89 cassady

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Posted 17 November 2012 - 09:44 PM

a matter of opinion.......:) :heart:

#90 Geminimoon

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Posted 18 November 2012 - 01:38 PM

It all depends on the situation, the people doing it ( are they the flirty type always), are they hiding it, and is that behavior lacking in your relationship?

I believe there is such a thing as harmless flirting.... but i also believe there is a line and it should not be crossed.

#91 Jersey Thug

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Posted 19 November 2012 - 01:44 AM

There ain't no doubt once the junk comes out.

/thread

:funny1:


:lol: :lol: :lol:

#92 TEO

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Posted 20 November 2012 - 09:35 PM

where do/would you draw the line?


When there is deceit of the other parther(s.)