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Bitchy Bookkeeper


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#101 jme

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 07:30 PM

Oh, I know.. I'm just feeling particularly evil today. :lol:

#102 TEO

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 07:31 PM

Using the wrong size paper clip is my personal favorite.

After the 3rd or 4th time, I told her if she didn't like it to put the right size on and there will be no more discussions about paper clip size.
Once in a while I'll throw the wrong size paper clip on her papers just to see if she says anything again.
So far, she hasn't.


:spank:

Do you use the wrong size staples as well? :nikkiblue:

#103 JBetty

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 07:32 PM

No, but I like to empty other people's staplers just for the lulz.

#104 TEO

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 07:33 PM

:facepalm:

#105 JBetty

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 07:37 PM

:lol:

#106 JBetty

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 07:37 PM

Trust me, this could wreck someone's car, a la the Seinfeld BO stink episode. I find it's better (at least it was with my prior stink-stuff experience) to douse a paper towel with it and hide it in the car.



How long does the stench last?

#107 SunshineDrummer

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 08:01 PM

Trust me, this could wreck someone's car, a la the Seinfeld BO stink episode. I find it's better (at least it was with my prior stink-stuff experience) to douse a paper towel with it and hide it in the car.


So... a rag doused with this stuff and hidden somewhere like the back of a desk drawer or file cabinet drawer would also be a good choice for delivery? (hypothetically speaking, of course. ;) )

#108 JBetty

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 08:38 PM

Wish I had the ballz to actually do this.

#109 hoagie

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 10:15 PM

No, but I like to empty other people's staplers just for the lulz.


Hi-OH

#110 SunshineDrummer

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Posted 17 November 2012 - 02:03 AM

Wish I had the ballz to actually do this.


So do I. I have 2 prime targets at work.

#111 sarah b.

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Posted 17 November 2012 - 05:05 AM

Hi. I love you. I'm going to sleep now.

#112 megmyster

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Posted 17 November 2012 - 06:03 AM

This should be called : the chronicles of the bitchy bookkeeper!

#113 hoagie

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Posted 17 November 2012 - 03:02 PM

This should be called : the chronicles of the bitchy bookkeeper!


emphasis on "chronic"

:pimp:

#114 Spidergawd

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Posted 17 November 2012 - 03:31 PM

So... a rag doused with this stuff and hidden somewhere like the back of a desk drawer or file cabinet drawer would also be a good choice for delivery? (hypothetically speaking, of course. ;) )


That's pretty much the perfect warhead. :funny1:

Applied directly, I understand that it doesn't last very long, basically until it evaporates. I'd recommend experimenting though, before going full-on water balloon (see other thread :lol:)

#115 KrisNYG

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Posted 17 November 2012 - 03:51 PM

Alright, alright!

You can get LA in either a spray bottle (for the airborne farty effect) or in one that squirts a very fine stream, for stealthy application to surfaces or directly on victims.

One of my first uses will be to spray down the entry vestibule to some hoity-toity, flowery-smelling store full of snooty soccer moms. Think Yankee Candle or Bath & Body Works. Imagine the lulz as they exit the sickly sweet smelling store with their bag of overpriced candles that smell like old ladies, and walk directly into a cloud of the breath of Satan himself. Oh, the hilarity!

Also recall a testimonial story from a while back where the perp was walking through an upscale mall at xmas time discreetly squirting people on the ass as they passed. Took a moment for the stink to hit them and to realize that everyone around them thinks they shit their pants. :lol:

Gold, Jerry. Gold!


http://youtu.be/CF7OnW4XDck


Wish I had the ballz to actually do this.


Shall I come visit you for lunch soon?

#116 tyedyedee

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Posted 17 November 2012 - 08:52 PM

i have a remote controlled fart machine that would work very nicely in conjunction with the aforementioned liquid ass :devil:
one of the fart noises sounds especially juicy and no one would doubt that someone just sharted :lol:

#117 JBetty

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Posted 19 November 2012 - 02:05 PM

Shall I come visit you for lunch soon?



How does today work for you?

#118 KrisNYG

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Posted 19 November 2012 - 05:20 PM

:lol:

#119 BHB

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Posted 19 November 2012 - 05:33 PM

did we get c-bomb droppage yet?

#120 JBetty

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 07:41 PM

Posted Image

#121 SunshineDrummer

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 07:44 PM

Another fun day in BB land?

#122 JBetty

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 08:01 PM

How could you tell?

#123 August West

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 08:16 PM

bitchy boss makes bitchy bookeeper

i need this like i need a hole in my head

#124 SunshineDrummer

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 08:21 PM

How could you tell?


Wild guess.

#125 JBetty

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 08:43 PM

bitchy boss makes bitchy bookeeper




Nope - bookkeeper is the only bitchy person in this place.
She's been mean to everyone.
It's just my turn, so I shouldn't take it personally.

#126 TEO

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 08:45 PM

Smile a bunch if you can. :smile:

#127 JBetty

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 08:51 PM

I do. I've never been anything but nice and polite and helpful.
But sometimes she's just too much.

Today I parked wrong. AGAIN!
Our parking lot is never even half full.
Even when the semis are picking up shipments.

#128 Chip

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 08:53 PM

If any told me I parked wrong, I wouldn't hesitate telling them to mind their own business, or else.

#129 SunshineDrummer

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 08:55 PM

What does BB consider "wrong" about your parking?

#130 JBetty

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 08:57 PM

OMG where do I start! :rolling:

#131 SunshineDrummer

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 08:58 PM

At the beginning? :D

#132 TEO

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 08:58 PM

Maybe she needs some secs?. :naughty:

#133 SunshineDrummer

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 08:59 PM

But seriously... how does one park "wrong"? As long as you're not taking more than one space, you're probably doing a fine job.

#134 JBetty

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 09:32 PM

I work for a company of about 20 people who have all been here 20+ years.
Although there is no assigned parking in this huge lot where we could fit at least 75 cars, people generally park in the same place or near the same place every day.
There are no painted lines on the pavement, so whoever gets here first kind of sets the parking plan and the others park in generally the same order every day.
Not always, but usually.
When I started working here, I noticed the pattern and started parking in a typically open space, leaving enough room for BB and OA (my office assistant) to park closer to the door than me.
BB is late 60s and OA is early 70s, and they are both nervous nellies when there's snow, so even though I am here earlier than they are, I parked farther away to be nice.
Once in a while the guys who park farther from the door than I do will park closer to the door than usual so only 2.5 cars can fit in the space that BB, OA and I usually occupy.
BB is always late, so guess who gets shut out of a spot?
Of course she blamed it on me since I parked too close for her to fit in, not considering that I couldn't park farther away since someone else parked closer.
And then there's the days when the guy who parks closer to the door than BB does actually parks a little farther away from the door, so he's not parked over the oil tank on days we get delivery.
Which also means there's less room for BB, OA and me.
And BB is always late, so guess who gets shut out of a spot?
Now keep in mind that this is a big lot that will fit at least 75 cars with big semis coming and going who have no problem turning around in the lot.
So one day she comes strolling in around 9am bitching about having to park ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE LOT, which is prolly about 20 feet farther than she usually parks.
She starts bitching about how people can't park right and how if she can't park closer to the building during the winter, she'll just have to quit her job.
(I almost jumped for joy hearing that and started plotting in my head various creative ways of parking to make it so.)
She eventually calms down and goes off to her office, muttering about parking issues under her breath.
Next day she comes in with her Master Parking Plan.
She asked me to start parking in the closest spot to the door available, and then she and OA will just fall in after me and all will be well.
I immediately see the impending flaw in her plan, (problem not solved when others park wrong) but say nothing about that.
Instead I agreed to her plan and told her the reason I parked farther away was because I was being nice to her and OA.
I just got another earful about how that way didn't work and this is the way we'll park from now on.
Fine. I told her I will park according to her Master Parking Plan and that I didn't want to hear another word about parking. Ever Again!
And she hasn't said anything to me since, even when there was no room for her to park and she had to park all the way across the lot a couple weeks later.
But today she started up a conversation with OA about how I parked at a slight diagonal which made it difficult for her to squeeze into "her" spot.
I was just about to tell her to take her bitching out of my office and out of my ear shot when the phone rang, OA answered it and BB walked away.

So there's your answer.
I parked on a slight diagonal (even though there are no lines), there was still plenty of room for her to park, but it still pissed her off.
Aren't you glad you asked?

#135 JBetty

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 09:34 PM

Yeah, I know.

tl;dr :rolling:

#136 TEO

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 09:35 PM

What the heck, were you drunk when you parked? :cheesy:

#137 JBetty

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 09:37 PM

Bath salts

#138 SunshineDrummer

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 09:37 PM

No, I actually did read the whole thing (thanks for the lulz)

I think you should start parking sideways. :lol:

#139 TEO

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 09:40 PM

(((Calgon)))

#140 SunshineDrummer

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 09:41 PM

I think BB really needs to get laid.

#141 TEO

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 09:43 PM

I think BB really needs to get laid.


This.

#142 SunshineDrummer

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 09:45 PM

Of course, a high five to the face with a bag of doorknobs soaked in Liquid Ass could also work. ;)

#143 Depends

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 09:51 PM

get BB a Sqweel for the office Xmas party...

#144 CTMuleman

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 09:54 PM

Sounds like this can all be fixed if I show you how to park straight! :mrgreen:

#145 SunshineDrummer

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 09:58 PM

Sounds like this can all be fixed if I show you how to park straight! :mrgreen:


Uh-oh... :shocked:

#146 CTMuleman

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:01 PM

Uh-oh... :shocked:


:lol:

you haven't seen the way I've been parking lately!

#147 PeaceFrog

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:02 PM

malicious compliance -- very good. I do that sometimes.

parking diagonal on bathsalts? what were you thinking? bad hormone day?

#148 SunshineDrummer

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:03 PM

Are you parking correctly? Or do we need BB to have a chat with you?

#149 CTMuleman

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:07 PM

I'm doing it wrong and JBetty's snickering at it is sufficient thank you very much!

#150 Jwheelz

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 10:35 PM

No, I actually did read the whole thing (thanks for the lulz)

I think you should start parking sideways. :lol:


this :rolling: