15 replies to this topic

[Rionach aka Spec K]

Since my Dad passed, my brothers and sisters are all fighting.
Older sister is mad at me because I'm the Executrix of the estate....I guess she felt she should have been.
Older sister and brother mad at me because I don't want to sell the house ASAP...but, I'm just being practical and realistic. There's 50 years of junk accumulated at that house and it's not going to be easy to clear it all away. I've been going through some it it, bit by bit - selling some stuff, giving away other stuff, throwing out junk....but I'm also not going to dedicate 100% of my free time doing this weekend after weekend.. My brother comes over and tends to the yard and that kind of stuff, but he has not helped clear anything out. Older sister was in town recently and didn't even stop at the house !
Now Thanksgiving is just around the corner and there is no plan. I've asked twice and no response.

[TEO]

(((Rionach aka Spec K)))

This seems to happen all too often in these circumstances. Grief sure can make people act strangely.

[Joker]

That shit sucks. Dealing with the same type of crap here and dad is still with us. Some siblings haven't bothered to stop by and see him in years but have no problem calling asking for his money (sis has PoA)

[concert andy]

This is very common. I have heard similar tales when a parent is dying or recently died.

The what can I get out of this situation. Not the sentiment of let us do the right thing.

[tiedyesky]

Since my Dad passed, my brothers and sisters are all fighting.
Older sister is mad at me because I'm the Executrix of the estate....I guess she felt she should have been.
Older sister and brother mad at me because I don't want to sell the house ASAP...but, I'm just being practical and realistic. There's 50 years of junk accumulated at that house and it's not going to be easy to clear it all away. I've been going through some it it, bit by bit - selling some stuff, giving away other stuff, throwing out junk....but I'm also not going to dedicate 100% of my free time doing this weekend after weekend.. My brother comes over and tends to the yard and that kind of stuff, but he has not helped clear anything out. Older sister was in town recently and didn't even stop at the house !
Now Thanksgiving is just around the corner and there is no plan. I've asked twice and no response.

You're in Boston area right? I haven't met you, but I live in Hartford County. My house is open to you if you need to get away from the stress....Thanksgiving is a huge deal to me...come on down if you want to!!!

[Mind Left Body]

I am sorry to hear this. Family is such an important thing and this type of bickering gets people nowhere and just creates internal family strife. We are only on this planet for so long and have only so many holidays together. I hope everyone comes to some sort of common ground for the sake of the family.

[Jabadoodle]

I'm very sorry Spec K, that sucks in so many ways.


If I can be so presumptuous as to offer advise in a situation where I don't know anyone and that I've never dealt with but only seen my folks deal with...Try to have dialog with each of the siblings. Many times people don't just want "stuff" but they want to be heard. Try to give them a hearing. If what they are saying doesn't make sense or is selfish, hear them out anyway without negative emotions or objections or counter-points. That doesn't mean to agree to whatever they say, but give them a fair hearing.

Also show them the love even if they aren't showing it to you. Be the bigger person.

If any of your dispute is over belongings...here's a thing my Dad did when his mom passed and he was executor: There were four siblings with one already deceased. Starting with the oldest, each sibling got to choose an item they wanted. It could be the bed-frame worth more money or that old pan that grammy had baked & served her signature brownies in so many times over the decades that it had well worn knife marks where the brownie cuts had always been made. For the sibling that was deceased, each of her kids got one of her turns...starting with her eldest on her first turn, etc.

Anyway, I hope you all come through this with love on the other end.

[Jabadoodle]

You're in Boston area right? I haven't met you, but I live in Hartford County. My house is open to you if you need to get away from the stress....Thanksgiving is a huge deal to me...come on down if you want to!!!

Wow. What a wonderful offer.

[KittyRocks]

im sorry k

[Rionach aka Spec K]

Thanks for that offer TieDyeSky - very nice.

I might put together a "misfit" Thanksgiving for some friends...others in my same boat...who have no family to spend the day with. Start the day off with a nice hike, then cocktails outside by the fire while the turkey cooks and then move everything inside to eat etc. Will probably be the most relaxed Thanksgiving ever !

I've heard of this happening in families after the parents die...didn't think it would happen to mine. After the house sells - that'll be it .... very sad.

[Java Time]

[hoagie]

When my geandma passed, my brother, my cousin, and I handled tossin most junk and old furniture into a dumpster, while my mom and her 3 sisters took care of the keepable stuff. My dad handled the house sale. It went really smooth for the mOst part.

I really hope you all get it figured out with the least amount of problems possible

[Rionach aka Spec K]

That's the part I don't get....there's nothing to figure out, really. My mother has been dead for 7 years no one but my younger sister seem interested in her belongings. I'll keep a couple small things, my older sister wants her china and crystal, but other than that everything can be sold, given away or trashed. My father has a bunch of old clothes (suits mostly), but nothing of real value. My sister wants a piece of driftwood he had hanging in his mancave and other than a few knickknacks, his things too can be sold, given away or trashed. Different siblings have expressed interest in different pieces of furniture - all that is fine. The house is to be split equally amonst us all. That's fine. It just seems like the timing of it is what is causing the problems. As I said, my older sister and brother want it to happen immediately. But they just don't get it. I can't clean out the house by myself in a matter of a few weeks or even a few months. They have yet to come forward to remove the belongings they want, which slows down the cleaning out process. Nor have they come forward to help with the cleaning out process. And yet they are mad at me for "slowing down the process..." I just don't get it.

Whatever, I guess I'll just continue on as I have been - cleaning out when I can but not obsessing over it and enjoying being in the house. Sooo many memories there.

[hoagie]

You seem to have the right attitude.

[sarah b.]

Sorry to hear, k, and lots of love, joker. Shit gets weird, sometimes. Death and crises tend to bring out people's true colors.

[tiedyesky]

Thanks for that offer TieDyeSky - very nice.

I might put together a "misfit" Thanksgiving for some friends...others in my same boat...who have no family to spend the day with. Start the day off with a nice hike, then cocktails outside by the fire while the turkey cooks and then move everything inside to eat etc. Will probably be the most relaxed Thanksgiving ever !

I've heard of this happening in families after the parents die...didn't think it would happen to mine. After the house sells - that'll be it .... very sad.

Well, hopefully it won't happen. I hope it all works out...sometimes families just need time.
You know where to find me, offer always open