48 replies to this topic

[concert andy]

A heartbreaking letter, allegedly penned by an unsupportive father to his gay son, has gone viral in the blogosphere.
Originally uploaded to Reddit and posted by Athlete Ally founder (and HuffPost Gay Voices blogger) Hudson Taylor on his Facebook profile, the letter is addressed simply to "James," and it reads as follows:

"I hope your telephone call was not to receive my blessing for the degrading of your lifestyle. I have fond memories of our times together, but that is all in the past."

The letter -- since posted by Towleroad, Pink News, The New Civil Rights Movement, Truth Wins Out among other media outlets -- continues:

"You made your choice though wrong it may be. God did not intend for this unnatural lifestyle. If you choose not to attend my funeral, my friends and family will understand."

Reddit user RegBarc, who uploaded the image of the letter, says the letter was written five years ago after he came out as gay to his father. "It's important to know just what this zealotry from Bryan Fischer, Maggie Gallagher, Dan Cathy, et al., does to everyday people," he noted. "I've never done drugs, was an excellent student, an obedient child (far less trouble than many of my classmates), didn't drink until I was 22 because it terrified me, and have had just 1 speeding ticket in my life," he noted. "Yet I am still seemingly deserving of this terrible act of hate and cowardice that one person can place on another."

The letter has drawn an onslaught of responses since it was originally posted. "I actually hope that someday he gets a chance to look deeply in his heart and comes to understand how horribly, terribly he screwed this up," one Reddit user notes. "If so, he'll maybe have a chance to start some personal redemption and healing."

Adds another: "I don't think 'Dad' is the appropriate term for this man. He sullies everything that name stands for. He should have signed it 'Goodbye, Bigot.'"

[Tim the Beek]

Saw this yesterday, and it's heartbreaking.

Certainly more for the son, but also for the father who is so wrapped up in fear, lies and ignorance...

[tiedyesky]

And on the son's birthday.....

People who behave like this "parent" actually make my heart vomit the pain they inflict upon their victims

[elder]

just another sad example of child abuse

and why I have become so anti-religion over the years

My own father, who I know loves me, is very religious. I often wonder how he would feel towards me if he ever knew all of my true beliefs.
For I know that when times get tough or confusing he turns to what the church tells him is right or wrong.

[Java Time]

I still cannot comprehend this kind of response from a "religious" person...especially if he's a Christian. there is nothing written in the New Testament regarding homosexuality as a sin...I'm pretty sure there is no mention of anything regarding same sex relations at all...positive or negative.

just another person using God as an excuse for their own riduculous belief systems and
James is better off being disassociated with the likes of that individual until he wakes up.
.

[concert andy]

I still cannot comprehend this kind of response from a "religious" person...especially if he's a Christian. there is nothing written in the New Testament regarding homosexuality as a sin...I'm pretty sure there is no mention of anything regarding same sex relations at all...positive or negative.

just another person using God as an excuse for their own riduculous belief systems and
James is better off being disassociated with the likes of that individual until he wakes up.
.

While I agree, one does not get to choose their parents.

[tiedyesky]

Religion is a scary thing for me. I got some odd looks in church yesterday for not participating in mass.
Honestly, and not to offend any religion whatsoever, I find "masses" and even the word intimidating, ritualistic, brainwashing nonsense. I view a Christian mass no differently than any other "cult" mass and they are all weird to me. Chanting, candles, incense, crossing yourself.... Nothing I ever wanted for my own children to believe they "NEED" to do to go to heaven or wherever they see fit to belong in the afterlife

[TEO]

I have somewhat of an understanding of such a reaction having witnessed it; from a bit of a distance; on two separate occasions, one with a male child and another with a female child.

I feel for everyone involved and hope that someday they will be able to come together and heal their relationship.

[TEO]

While I agree, one does not get to choose their parents.

In some belief systems we actually do, so that we can have the experiences for the lessons we need to learn in this lifetime.

[elder]

Religion is a scary thing for me. I got some odd looks in church yesterday for not participating in mass.
Honestly, and not to offend any religion whatsoever, I find "masses" and even the word intimidating, ritualistic, brainwashing nonsense. I view a Christian mass no differently than any other "cult" mass and they are all weird to me. Chanting, candles, incense, crossing yourself.... Nothing I ever wanted for my own children to believe they "NEED" to do to go to heaven or wherever they see fit to belong in the afterlife

Yep, me too. And I was raised very strict Catholic.

Today my wife and I debate this weekly. I feel my kids can make up there mind when they are old enough to do so. Starting them down this path now, with the ceremonies and sacraments, its all brainwashing for a child. As they grow they know no other way.

Then when they do, they are (I was) confused. And its hard to make up your own mind at that point.

It breaks my heart when the family does things apart. It breaks my heart when the 3 of them go to mass. I have tried to attend for their sake. For the sake of the family being together. But I will not fake it anymore. To me that is not the right message. Not an example of integrity.

It is a struggle.

[tiedyesky]

I was also. Always found it creepy... do this in memory of me....then bells ring...still freaks me out. And I refuse to EVER kneel to anyone....find it enslaving.
We were told yesterday to bow our heads....native American prayer suggests you look toward the heavens...i just kinda looked around and saw everyone, even non religious folks...doing EXACTLY what the priest asked. Its just really, really, creepy to me.

As for your struggle... I understand. Have had heated debates with in'laws that these are MY children, and if Jesus was 30 when he was baptized, then mature decisions made by their own learnings and trials are also good enough for my own.

I have one who is Lakota. One who is Southern Baptist. And one who is Agnostic. And none of my grandchildren are baptized. My children are grateful that I understand their reasons for wanting our grandchildren choose their own path as well

As for going to church...i compromise. Its marriage and familial respect. I go, and I honor YOUR choice. I support YOUR right to what brings you peace and comfort. But I do my own reflecting, meditation, "prayers" and onbserving while I am there. Its a win/win for me...

[Java Time]

no, unfortunately we don't get to choose our parents...but parents do choose to have children...one's children do not unbecome one's children. "dad" needs to re-read the good book

[BHB]

sad for the son. although might be for the best.

can't say it's very surprising though, i mean i think this kind of thing happens a lot. coming from a family with many "you are disowned" shit. i never got that. just because your family means there was ownership?

blood is blood, but i think you pick your own family based on who you surround yourself with.

[Tim the Beek]

I feel for everyone involved and hope that someday they will be able to come together and heal their relationship.

You haz beautiful heart, Xena.

[Java Time]

Religion is a scary thing for me. I got some odd looks in church yesterday for not participating in mass.
Honestly, and not to offend any religion whatsoever, I find "masses" and even the word intimidating, ritualistic, brainwashing nonsense. I view a Christian mass no differently than any other "cult" mass and they are all weird to me. Chanting, candles, incense, crossing yourself.... Nothing I ever wanted for my own children to believe they "NEED" to do to go to heaven or wherever they see fit to belong in the afterlife

I was very fortunate growing up Methodist and attending a specefic Methodist church (Yay Islip!!!). Reverend Warner was more like a teacher than preacher, so even though it was a chore for me to dressup and go to church (had to wear Sunday's best in those days), I never felt this fear of God stuff...we were taught that God was ever forgiving...it's kinda one of the messages in the New Testament...at least the way I was taught.


our church was/is a very forgiving church where this scenario would not happen...at least the dad could not use it as his excuse

[tiedyesky]

That's how faith should be for all people. I grew up fearing God until i reached a certain age. I was "disowned" by my stepfather when I wouldn't to make my confirmation. I just COULD NOT stand in anyone's holy place and swear to anyone's God that I accepted Catholicism/Christianity for myself because it would have been a profound lie, and i DO believe in God.
But I don't knock anyone's religion ...as I said before...its just not for me.

[concert andy]

sad for the son. although might be for the best.

can't say it's very surprising though, i mean i think this kind of thing happens a lot. coming from a family with many "you are disowned" shit. i never got that. just because your family means there was ownership?

blood is blood, but i think you pick your own family based on who you surround yourself with.

This.

[JBetty]

. And I refuse to EVER kneel to anyone....find it enslaving.

Should we all be feeling very, very sorry for Pete?

[tiedyesky]

Should we all be feeling very, very sorry for Pete?

LOL! Sent you a PM. I'll catch up later

[B. Diddy]

Maybe if the kid chose not to be gay, none of this would ever have happened.

True story.

[melissaphish]

IMO - Organized religion is FUBAR - each and every one of them.

We have a wedding to go to next month and it will be one of those long, drawn out Catholic things with a full mass. I told Jim that under no circumstances was I going to kneel; I assume that many of the other non-Catholics will do the same, but if not, oh well.

[MeOmYo]

if they could leave out god and money, religion would be great for kids. most teach good morals.

some people need something to believe in or be a part of something they believe is bigger than them.

I don't particularly subscribe but they generally teach goodness and I can't be against something that does that.

[Julius]

This is why so many people stay in the closet, at least to their families. I know a whole bunch of people whose families know exactly what is going on but just don't want to hear about it.

Hey, you do what you have to do to get along in your key relationships in life. It seems to be strangely functional, somehow.

[JBetty]

IMO - Organized religion is FUBAR - each and every one of them.

We have a wedding to go to next month and it will be one of those long, drawn out Catholic things with a full mass. I told Jim that under no circumstances was I going to kneel; I assume that many of the other non-Catholics will do the same, but if not, oh well.

I never kneel at Catholic cermonies, though I will stand on occasion.

[Misha]

Sad sad story all around. Has there been any response from his dad since this went so viral?

[Tooozday]

Dad is perhaps eating at Chik-fil-a and hasn't had time for teh internetz.

[Eco]

I sort of fell sorry for the dad. Without a doubt he was raised thinking that garbage, prolly his family and friends all feel the same way.....raised and surrounded with hate and values unbecoming of a Christian. Him embracing his values over a relationship with his own son is just sad. I'm thinking the dad needs to find Jesus :-)

[Tabbooma]

No, you do not have to kneel before god or go up for the communion if one is offered, you can just sit. If the church ceremony is so long and drawn out than why go to the ceremony at all?

IMO - Organized religion is FUBAR - each and every one of them.

We have a wedding to go to next month and it will be one of those long, drawn out Catholic things with a full mass. I told Jim that under no circumstances was I going to kneel; I assume that many of the other non-Catholics will do the same, but if not, oh well.

[Tim the Beek]

I'm thinking the dad needs to find Jesus :-)

Word.

[seany]

I feel for everyone involved and hope that someday they will be able to come together and heal their relationship.

This. And I think that it's highly unfortunate that this letter went "viral." In the short-term the notoriety is likely to strain the relationship further

[seany]

IMO - Organized religion is FUBAR - each and every one of them.

We have a wedding to go to next month and it will be one of those long, drawn out Catholic things with a full mass. I told Jim that under no circumstances was I going to kneel; I assume that many of the other non-Catholics will do the same, but if not, oh well.

Generally, I've always thought that it is almost more respectful to sit in quiet reflection during these rituals. While 1/2 my family is Catholic - and I hate going to those services and will only do so for a wedding or funeral - I never partake in the rituals. I just sit quietly. The only exception that I think I've made to this was to wear a yamulke while in temple at a bah mitzvah for one of my professor's children years ago. While ritualistic, I saw it more as just respect for their beliefs and ways.

[tiedyesky]

No, you do not have to kneel before god or go up for the communion if one is offered, you can just sit. If the church ceremony is so long and drawn out than why go to the ceremony at all?

Respect. Because the ceremony itself is more important than the free drinks and booze later to most couples

[Goose]

I like that meme that's been going around that say's "Having a gay child doesn't mean you failed as a parent, disowning them does"

Also on Reddit there were 2 other alarming threads in the same theme. One was a guy down south who admitted he was atheist in a bar
and was severely beaten by 4 'christian' guys because of it. Another was a guy who's girlfriend of 4 years went to a revival tent in Georgia and
returned and immediately broke up with him because he was wasn't saved and the preacher told her it was her only option - hundreds of similar stories followed.

I'm not gay but I've had problems connecting with my parents on several religious topics. In the past it was almost unheard of to question even
the faith you were raised in, whole families would disown children who left their religions because of conflicting believes. It still goes on in some
religious sects but it's evolving away from that making it more socially acceptable to chose your own religion. Fortunately,
http://www.huffingto..._n_1757453.html

[Phishfolk]

I will kneel/stand/sing out of respect for the people I am there to respect. I will not receive communion out of respect for those people's religion. The only exception was when I received communion at my Nana's and my Grampa's funerals out of respect to them. I also did one of the readings at my Grampa's service...my phone rang in the middle of my reading and almost my whole family burst out laughing because they were sure it was him calling me. I believe if there is an afterlife he made that happen as a signal that he know's I believe in this stuff about as much as him.

[Phishfolk]

I was sitting at my father's (who has been an absent parent for most of my life) bedside as he was about to go into open heart surgery for a triple bypass. He turned to me and told me his only regret was that my sister and me didn't embrace the church. His only regret.

[Joker]

I will kneel/stand/sing out of respect for the people I am there to respect. I will not receive communion out of respect for those people's religion. The only exception was when I received communion at my Nana's and my Grampa's funerals out of respect to them. I also did one of the readings at my Grampa's service...my phone rang in the middle of my reading and almost my whole family burst out laughing because they were sure it was him calling me. I believe if there is an afterlife he made that happen as a signal that he know's I believe in this stuff about as much as him.

You should have answered it with a "sorry grampa I'll have to call you back, I'm in the middle of something"

[JBetty]

I was sitting at my father's (who has been an absent parent for most of my life) bedside as he was about to go into open heart surgery for a triple bypass. He turned to me and told me his only regret was that my sister and me didn't embrace the church. His only regret.

[elder]

I was sitting at my father's (who has been an absent parent for most of my life) bedside as he was about to go into open heart surgery for a triple bypass. He turned to me and told me his only regret was that my sister and me didn't embrace the church. His only regret.

I am pretty sure that one day I will hear this same message, as I've heard it often enough already.
Even as an adult, this affects me. Makes me feel guilty when I know I shouldn't.

I hope to learn and never put my kids through this.

[Feesh]

Accepting that homophobia is a fear reaction to one's own inner desire: Sounds like dear ol' Dad prolly wants to smoke cock.
...prolly.

[Java Time]

Yep, me too. And I was raised very strict Catholic.

Today my wife and I debate this weekly. I feel my kids can make up there mind when they are old enough to do so. Starting them down this path now, with the ceremonies and sacraments, its all brainwashing for a child. As they grow they know no other way.

Then when they do, they are (I was) confused. And its hard to make up your own mind at that point.

It breaks my heart when the family does things apart. It breaks my heart when the 3 of them go to mass. I have tried to attend for their sake. For the sake of the family being together. But I will not fake it anymore. To me that is not the right message. Not an example of integrity.

It is a struggle.

have you tried finding a non denomination specific church for getting the family together?

I'm not trying to push religion I believe in God but don't. find church. a necessity...just curious

[elder]

have you tried finding a non denomination specific church for getting the family together?

I'm not trying to push religion I believe in God but don't. find church. a necessity...just curious

My immediate family, yes. My wife has actually been going to a church of a different denomination lately (my apologies that I can't remember which) and really likes it much better than the catholic church we both grew up in.

I have gone with them and it is better. Much more laid back, less fear god, type stuff.

But I personally do not believe in the one god scenario. I guess I am an atheist, although I hate labels so I don't consider myself anything.

So when it comes to that part of the mass where everyone is praying to god, I am silent. It doesn't seem right to me to say those things.

As for my Dad, he has a hard time, understandably to a degree, wondering why I still don't follow how I was raised. He's to the point where he thinks its just my dissatisfaction with the catholic church, which is much more palatable I guess than I don't believe at all.

As I tell me wife in our weekly discussions, I almost wish I could believe, things would be much easier for me. But I don't know how one can make oneself believe, truly believe, in something that they do not. As I've said before, and this goes back to Wit's thread on Integrity, I could go through the motions (like so many others), but that is not the example I'd like to set.

Today, when my family goes to church on Sunday, I go to the woods. There I pray and give thanks to the earth, to the trees and water, to nature. They are the givers and takers of life. That is my church.

[Java Time]

Thank you for sharing that Mr. Elder. it sounds like you have done your part and IMO your Dad could be happy you are even willing to be open enough to give it a try with your family (I'm not Catholic so I don't know if trying is acceptable enough and nothing personal against your pops).


And your church sounds like it's a very nice church to me

[elder]

Thank you for listening (and not judging)
Its all part of the journey

[Tabbooma]

Yeah no kidding

Respect. Because the ceremony itself is more important than the free drinks and booze later to most couples

[PieDoh]

The father will prolly die and go to HECK 'cause he wrote the name of g-d.....prolly..

[Eco]

I go to the woods. There I pray and give thanks to the earth, to the trees and water, to nature. They are the givers and takers of life. That is my church.

So I'm not the only one!

[TakeAStepBack]

It sounds like the "dad" did James a favor. I haven't spoken to my father in 12 years. Whatever doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger and enhances your perceptions. It's not about James, it's about the "dad". I hope James realizes this fact.

[TEO]

Respect. Because the ceremony itself is more important than the free drinks and booze later to most couples

This. As well as to bear witness to their commitment and participate in their celebration of love as an honored guest.

[TEO]

It sounds like the "dad" did James a favor. I haven't spoken to my father in 12 years. Whatever doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger and enhances your perceptions. It's not about James, it's about the "dad". I hope James realizes this fact.