When alcoholic friends veer off the path of sobriety.
Posted 06 August 2012 - 02:20 PM
WTF, makes them think that 10 years or so down the road of their sobriety that they are still not argumentative and unpleasant drunks?
It starts with one, then a couple, then next thing you know they have become someone with whom you do not want to speak, much less spend time.
What to do? Express my feelings on this? If yes in what manner? Or hold my tongue and fade away?
I haven't had to deal with this type of situation in at least 15 - 20 years and find myself torn with how to proceed.
Posted 06 August 2012 - 02:46 PM
If they only drink every once in a while...maybe tell them that you only want to see them when they're sober? In a much nicer way of course.
I'm sorry that sucks.
I've actually known a few people who were bad drunks and went the sobriety route go back to drinking when they're older and handle it totally different. Let's say one was a vodka drunk in his/her drinking years and now will have 2-3 glasses of wine with dinner. They won't go back to hard liquor or even really ever get loaded, jsut a few glasses to unwind and enjoy with a meal or friends.
Posted 06 August 2012 - 02:53 PM
For example, I have learned that arguing with someone who is intoxicated is like beating my head against a brick wall. Yet, until recently, I would always dive right into the arguments, because that was what the other person seemed to want. In Al-Anon I discovered that I don't have to react just because I have been provoked, and that I don't have to take harsh words to heart. I can remember that they are coming from someone who may be in pain, and try to show a little compassion. I certainly don't have to allow them to provoke me into doing anything I don't want to do.
Detachment with love means that I stop depending upon what others do, say, or feel to determine my own well-being or to make my decisions.
Posted 06 August 2012 - 07:40 PM
This is met with various reactions, but the point is usually made clear. If that fails, I physically pull them aside when they piss off someone else and tell them, directly, that they need to do some work on themselves before they lose what they have.
I believe it's an obligation to try to help before I detach. People are always asking for help, they just do it in different ways.