Friends have kids...you don't...

[Patchoulia]

I don't want kids. I've never wanted kids. I don't particularly like kids (there are exceptions).

Most of my friends are currently reproducing. My best friend just had a baby. He might be the cutest baby boy I've ever seen.

I've *never* wanted kids. Even as a kid, a teenager. When I envisioned my life, kids of my own were never a part of that. I always assumed I'd be the "cool aunt" to my friends' kids.

Now that everyone I know is procreating, no, I don't want kids of my own (blech!), I just don't know what to do!

I was talking to my bff tonight....she gave birth in Januaryl..

I'm never sure if I'm talking enough about the baby or not enough about the baby...I'm sure she wants a respite from all that, for a minute, but, at the same time, I don't want to appear uninterested in her main activity, i.e. the child who's feeding on her boob.

Can someone who's been through this advise a never-never-mother on how to behave?

[Wende]

I think just you being aware is pretty damn neat. I would say, tell them? Be like, "Ok, so, I love you and your new addition, (sort of) I'm just real awkward when it comes to them, for I don't really like kids, IDK, it's just who I am..so I'm sorry if, well, you know? I'm not very interested in them." :lol:

[Spiderweb]

Just be the friend you've always been. I enjoy my no kids talk w/ my friends w/o kids.

[bsktcase]

I'm kind of in the same boat as far as I don't know if I'm giving enough attention to their kids. But I think if I had a kid and had people walking up to me everyday to play with him, talk to him, tell him how cute he is....it would be a nice change for someone to ask me how I was doing and take a genuine interest in ME and have an adult conversation.

[Drop_o_Rain]

Julia....
this is where and when the friendships will change....
and it truly depends on the person(s) involved.

I love my son more than anyone in the entire world, but I also never imagined myself with children. I find it easier than some of my friends to imagine my life with JD grown up and out of the house. I don't care if people want to talk about him or not.
When he was an infant, I found that every minute of my time was taken by him and sometimes it was a relief to talk to people who didn't want to know about his poop or his recent growth spurt.... but again, that is ME.
Some people will find offense to this.... and others want the adult talk.

I think that you have to feel each friendship out and see how much they are talking about the child... ask about other things, see if they keep going back to the baby....

Some people will assume that you have NO clue how much their lives have changed, and others will assume that you have no idea what you are missing now that they have reproduced and find it so rewarding... others will assume that you don't want to hang out with them anymore and others will not want to hang out with you.

I am glad that there are people on this earth who don't want children. I am glad that there are people who do. I need them both in my life.

Good luck with sorting this all out.

[little frog]

i remember LOVING the very few people who remembered that i wasn't JUST a mommy and talked to me about real world stuff.

baby this and baby that can get irritating.

[Patchoulia]

Thanks ladies!! :)

I think I'm on the right track.

[TEO]

Everyone I work with knows I do not like kids, yet I still smile and chat when the one girl stops by with her now 1 year old. No, I have never held it.

I have found as long as they don't think I hate their children, people are good with it. If they want to talk children, I let them bring it up, other than asking how the family is doing. *Yes there are exceptions for children who put tiaras on my head. :wink:

[fire_rocket]

Thanks ladies!! :)

I think I'm on the right track.

I think so too. :wink: I wouldn't even worry about it- if she wants to talk about her kid let her, but you certainly don't need to bring it up. :)

[cj]

and julia, if they have been your friends for any length of time, they likely know this about you already. acknowledge their kids and continue on with your relationships. they may evolve because yes, life does change after kids, and us parents of small children are not as likely to have time/money/inclination/energy to go out to a bar to hear a band or to a restaurant or whatever. if you are feeling awkward, just talk to your friend about it. i am sure if all parties are willing, friendships will continue. :heart:

[Nevrmore]

i remember LOVING the very few people who remembered that i wasn't JUST a mommy and talked to me about real world stuff.

baby this and baby that can get irritating.


soooooooooooooooooooooooo true!

[shelby]

I completely understand what your talking about...although I like children, and hope to someday be a parent - thats not where we are right now.
EVERY single female friend I have, is a mother. It can prove to be difficult to talk about ANYTHING other then their children. I don't even know HOW many times in the past 9 months (my best-friend turned mommy) that our conversations turned to feeding/changing/sleeping patterns of said baby.
I will always continue to keep friendships alive...I'm just not in the same place as my friends and also feel kinda awkward.
Good Luck :)