Now its her time to go.... [Archive] - Gathering of The Vibes

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jemita

03-16-2009, 02:47 PM

Not sure if any of you remember, but about a year ago i posted on here about my grandmother suffering from another stroke..... since then, they put her in a home, my grandfather passed, and grandma has still be such a trooper and still truckin..... when i was there in june when grandpa passed, she still looked like herself, yet very thin, and definitely aged.

i just received word that today they will be moving her from the nursing home back up to the ranch, with hospice. I sat here and cried at my desk for a bit. But i did say my goodbyes to grandma in june and im thankful i did. In the past two months she has had sever dementia, not even recognizing her own children. and now its her time to go to.

as much as i feel at peace with grandma leaving us, as much as im trying to celebrate the amazing grandma i had, i cant help but wish i was there holding her hand.

is there ever an easy way to say goodbye to the ones you love most?

little frog

03-16-2009, 03:00 PM

:heart: if there is an easy way, i'd love to know what it is.

((((jema)))) it's hard to say goodbye :heart:

Jersey Thug

03-16-2009, 03:00 PM

bsktcase

03-16-2009, 03:00 PM

:heart:

jemita

03-16-2009, 03:12 PM

it's never easy but the best way i've found is instead of focusing on my loss, to simply be thankful for her long, happy, healthy life, the legacy she will leave behind and all the good times you've shared.

:heart: :heart: :heart:

its so funny how i said those exact same words to my sister who is having a more difficult time than i am with this. also interesting how we can always give better advice for those we love than for ourselves.....

i just kept telling my sis, we should be thankful we had such a great grandma.... thats all i keep thinking is how amazing she was....

my grandmother made wedding quilts for all her grandchildren, and it was tradition that she wouldnt show it to you until your wedding day. well many times throughmy childhood i remember tryin to see it... sneaking into her closet, to telling her i decided to be a nun so can i see my quilt now... and always the same answer NO!

and a few years back, when my ex and i were driving through for my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary, she pulled me into her bedroom, she said "sit on the bed" i was thinking this is weird.... she then turned around with my quilt in hand. and instead of pure delight, of all those years wanting to see it.... i started to cry, this wasnt the way i wanted to receive my quilt.... but grandma said "jema, your grandpa and i dont know how much longer we will be here so i would much rather you have this quilt now and see your beautiful smile, and well brian will be close enough to a husband for now!"

it will be one moment i will cherish in my life, the moment grandma gave me my quilt... my quilt is now in safe keeping at my aunt and uncles house in new jersey, and thinking i need to go out there this weekend and get it, hold it close for her final days.

sure-ur-rightdancer

03-16-2009, 03:43 PM

awwwwww ..... Jema :hug:
she seems like she really touched your life in so many ways.... I think that she would love to know that you are remembering and thinking of her - and remember you never really have to say good- bye just look inside yourself to see all of the things and parts of yourself she has touched

jemita

03-16-2009, 03:44 PM

thanks carla, i wouldnt be the person i am without her, grandpa, mom and my dad... fuck im cryin again! im tryin to turn them into happy tears

SunshineDaydream

03-16-2009, 04:00 PM

Ohhh lovey..I'm sorry you have to go through this while being so far away from your fam :heart: :heart: :heart: I've watched my own grandparents (moms parents) slowly go through similar (especially my Gram too with the dementia) and I've wondered so many times over the years which was worse: to watch the slow, steady decay of their bodies and minds or if we just got a sudden, unexpected phone call.

I'm glad you can find the joy in your memories & you had a chance to say gbye on your own terms...I think in the end, thats what matters most. And I'm sure your grandma would see it the same way. *hugs hugs hugs*

PS-if you're looking for something to take your mind off things, I'll be at BB Kings tonight at 7 seeing a Sly & The Family Stone tribute band AND my friends awesome funk band. Only $10 to come and dance with me! I'm such a cheap date :wink: :dance:

jemita

03-16-2009, 04:39 PM

oh thanks mama, i highly doubt i can, but if things change i will call you! :) thanks mama!!!

and thank the good Lord for facebook, my cousins and i have been able to communicate faster and just express our love and help eachother with words being so far away.....

to get us all from crying i told us all to start telling good stories, and yes we are smiling thinking great thoughts of such an amazing woman! :)

Amethyst

03-16-2009, 04:41 PM

((((Jema))))

musicmomma

03-16-2009, 05:00 PM

{{{jema}}} :heart:

jemita

03-16-2009, 05:31 PM

thanks so much guys... i love the womens circle!!! i just feel i can be totally open here!

and on a side note, my father helps me when i need it most... im sitting here at my desk, in and out of crying, and i happen to stumble upon this picture ive never seen of my dad..... and someway somehow knowing my father is still around me working, comforting his mija... makes me feel better...
http://gatheringofthevibes.com/forum/showthread.php?t=7523

Erinisme

03-16-2009, 06:49 PM

oh Jema, I"m sorry you're going through this, I'm just a phone call away. please call me if you need anything :heart:

mamapajama

03-16-2009, 06:49 PM

Jema,
I think it is absolutely beautiful that she had also made you a quilt.

I lost a dear grandmother 7 years ago...but was just telling Em not 10 minutes ago that the mug she's drinking out of was a gift from her and then Caleb asked a few questions about her. I get to pass her on in so many little ways and she will always be a part of me.

I hope her journey is peaceful.

Karen

03-16-2009, 09:19 PM

I don't think there is any easy way. Your grief is your own individual intimate experience. Words can never express truly how one feels when losing someone they love, no matter what the circumstances are!

May you find peace....at the time that is right for you. :heart:

Spiffy

03-16-2009, 10:21 PM

(((((JEMA))))) I agree 100% with what Karen said. I'm sending you hugs from Jersey.

KindGeeGirl

03-16-2009, 10:26 PM

:heart: :heart: :heart:

jemita

03-17-2009, 03:42 PM

thanks so much for all your love!!! you guys are great!!

thanks for the words, i felt better as the day went on, and just started to pray that she goes peacefully on Gods time.

and can i add this woman, my grandma norreen bower isnt even my blood relative grandmother, she and my grandfather took my father in when he was 17 or 18,Ant from that point on they loved him as their son, as they loved us as their grandchildren. God really does amazing works, as he brought us together and now im so thankful and grateful for such an amazing grandmother and grandfather!!

HoopsTer

03-17-2009, 03:59 PM

:heart: x a billion.

vinandtonic

03-17-2009, 07:38 PM

I wish a peaceful and pain free passing to your grandmother, and lots of hugs and :heart: to you and your family.
No matter how prepared you think you are, you aren't, but take comfort in knowing that you had her around for so long and you had a wonderful relationship.
:heart:

sarah b.

03-18-2009, 02:12 AM

Jema. So much beauty is reflected in you. :heart: :heart: :heart: Happy tears. I feel for you, all of you. :heart:

Luna

03-18-2009, 01:05 PM

nancykind

03-20-2009, 09:47 PM

lots of love and peace of heart vibes to you and your family :heart:

lost-in-boston

03-21-2009, 12:47 PM

there's never a perfect way to say goodbye, there's never a full goodbye when you just close that door. She will live on inside you as the other passed loved ones from our lives.
:heart:
I'm so sorry honey....
xoxoxoxoxo
I'm a phone call/text/facebook/pm/myspace away :funny1: (in case you can't find me)

jemita

03-23-2009, 02:14 PM

im not sure how to process this really, im sitting and waiting and i cant seem to talk to my family about it.

My mom called on saturday to tell me she just got off the phone with my aunts and my uncle. Apparently "sending her back to the ranch with hospice" isnt as easy as it sounds, they are getting a lot of red tape and road blocks and the aunts and uncles are just ready to send her home. Unfortunatly grandma didnt state that in her will, but grandma also didnt think she would ever suffer from dementia... or that grandpa would go before her....

so they are still at the hospital. and i cant seem to bring myself to call them, why? i dont want to call them and start crying. I cry here and there about grandma, but i just want her to rest and go with grandpa... im restless, and just want everyone to just start healing.... i feel rude, mean, but i know grandma understands where im coming from, grandma and grandpa werent the mulling around type, get to it, do it and move on.... apparently God has a different plan.

this still sucks. and i cant even express it to my family.

thank you terrapin family for listening ;)

sarah b.

03-23-2009, 02:35 PM

:heart:

fire_rocket

03-23-2009, 03:21 PM

:heart: Sounds like a rough situation. Sending love and healing vibes to you and your family to get through it! :heart:

musicmomma

03-23-2009, 08:17 PM

:heart: {{{jema}}}

jemita

04-13-2009, 10:40 AM

Thank you all who prayed for grandma and my family.
We lost her Thursday night, in her sleep.... into early friday morning.... Im still processing... i honestly dont know how to deal with this one. Ive never lost anyone without it being a surprise or totally sudden. but grandma i have been prepared for....

she is with my two other angels, she is back with grandpa... and my dad.

just wanted to say thank you women. i really appreciate your love :heart:

musicmomma

04-13-2009, 10:54 AM

:heart: RIP grandma. {{{jema}}}

SunshineDaydream

04-13-2009, 12:03 PM

...and heaven gains another angel. (((Much love & strength jema)))
:loveeye:

fire_rocket

04-13-2009, 02:15 PM

:heart: Much love to you and your family, Jema. :heart:

Karen

04-14-2009, 09:27 AM

(((Jemita)))

May your heart find peace soon :heart:

bsktcase

04-14-2009, 09:48 AM

:heart:

TEO

04-15-2009, 10:48 AM

:heart: :heart:

-anna

04-15-2009, 12:05 PM

much love to you and your family :heart:

jemita

04-16-2009, 12:20 PM

thanks for the love ;)

i have been cooped up in my bedroom since monday afternoon, with a cold, and a case of the "dont want to see the world"s..... been under my grandmas quilt for a few days now..... not sure where or what im supposed to do now, i guess just keep on livin.... but need some closure here... with my family around.

My family doesnt do funerals like normal people, instead we will be having a memorial service and BBQ at the lake, where grandpas ashes were spread.... im already falling apart just thinking about it... but know its something we need to do.

HoopsTer

04-16-2009, 12:37 PM

:heart:

Luna

04-16-2009, 01:12 PM

:heart: Losing Grandma's are the worst

Patchoulia

04-16-2009, 01:27 PM

:heart:

Sounds like you were very lucky to have had a wonderful grandmother.

So sorry for you loss.

georgi

04-16-2009, 02:12 PM

Sorry for your loss, Jema. :heart:

jemita

04-16-2009, 02:40 PM

so as im sitting here at work, holding back tears i get a call from our bosses assistant in florida, we havent spoke in a while i guess, and we start chatting away.... she asked how i was, told her i was sick and death is following me.... she said, I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL! with such confidence i knew she knew what im goin through...

then she said "holding back the tears as your getting dressed, as you get in the car, as you walk in the office, as your staring at an invoice that has nothing to do with anything, tears... sobbing.... just to get through the day with out people giving you that sympathetic "how are you"... yes i know those days... been the last couple weeks for me"

amazing how someone can speak for you.... even if they are goin through something totally different, they know where your at at this exact moment... ive never wanted to hug a coworker before... but did right then...

musicmomma

04-16-2009, 03:04 PM

:heart:

sarah b.

04-16-2009, 03:43 PM

:heart:

Luna

04-16-2009, 04:52 PM

vinandtonic

04-17-2009, 01:51 PM

so sorry to hear of your loss {{{{Jema}}}} :heart:

jemita

04-20-2009, 05:02 PM

thanks darlin ;)

so on a side note, something i know my grandparents would be SO HAPPY about is the fact that a lot of my cousins are all comin to the ranch at the same time... growing up, it was rare that all of the many many grandchildren they had were there at the same time, since they always wanted to have one on one time with each grandchild... so im getting more and more excited to see cousins i havent seen IN YEARS!!!!!!!!!! including my cousin geena, who i havent seen since my pre-teens!

thankfully we have all connected through faceboook, but it will just be so great to hug them!!!

grandma and grandpa are smiling BIG TIME!

i go home on april 30th for five days.... for time with mom, the whole family and best friends in SB who need me now, and who i need now too.... so all in all so thankful for this time home!

jemita

04-21-2009, 03:29 PM

my aunt did a wonderful job writing this... im actually pretty touched and cryin at mydesk... she was sure amazing!

Lois "Noreen" Bower

Lois "Noreen" French Bower, also known as "Ranch Grandma," was born Sept. 26, 1921, in Kingman, Ariz. to Richard Oswald French and Gladys Leone Hall French. She passed away at the age of 87 in Mariposa on April 9, with her family by her side.

When Noreen was 16 years old, her parents settled in Chino, where she attended Chaffey High School and graduated in 1939. That same year, she met the love of her life, Roscoe "Bud" Edmond Bower, and they married on May 13, 1940 in Las Vegas. They celebrated their 68th wedding anniversary last May.

For a time, they lived on the family ranch in Chino before moving to Ojai in 1943. They lived in Ojai for a short time before Bud was called into service during World War II, at which time they moved to Redondo Beach, living with Noreen’s parents while Bud was gone. Mom was a volunteers at the Children’s Hospital in Los Angeles. Dad came home in December, 1945, at which time they moved back to Ojai.

While in Ojai, Mom was named "Mother of the Year," for Ventura County, an honor which was greatly deserved. She was very active, donating her time to the Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts, PTA, Little League and the foreign exchange student program, while helping out with the family business, Ojai Van Lines which they founded in 1949, and is still operated by their grandson, Todd Clegg and family.

In 1979, they retired and moved to the family ranch in Mariposa, where Noreen kept very busy, joining the local TOPS club and genealogy society. Her favorite hobby of all was hiking in Yosemite and the Mariposa mountains with her friends and family. She was a co-founder of the Butterfly Quilting Club and volunteered at the Mariposa Museum and History Center.

She spent many years with her daughters, Diane and Susan, traveling all over the United States researching genealogy, hunting for those elusive ancestors. These are memories we will treasure forever.

She is survived by her children, Diane Bower Clegg (Bill) of Ojai, Dwayne Bower (Marilyn) of Ojai, Gene Bower (Linda) of Mariposa, Susan Bower-Litzenberger of Pahrump, Nev. and Rosmarie Peter of Switzerland; grandchildren, David Clegg of Palo Cedro, Todd Clegg (Trisha) of Ventura and Troy Clegg (Leeana) of Palo Cedro, Britany Bower Buchell (Mischa) of Benecia, Cambria Bower (Idoh) Gerstan of San Francisco and Tianna Bower of Ojai; Gena Bower (Tim) Tiffany of Camino Island, Wash., Joshua Bower (Jennie) of Van Nuys, Dean Bower (fiance Amber) of Rocklin, and Lisa Bower of Northridge; Amanda and Lance Litzenberger of Pahrump, Nev., Primavera Valle Bloodworth (Michael) of Long Beach and Jema Valle of New York; 15 great-grandchildren and five great, great-granchildren; two sisters-in-law, Nancy French of Canyonville, Ore. and Eva Tee of Escondido; and numerous nieces and nephews.

Noreen was preceded in death by her parents, Richard and Gladys French; little sister, Leone in 1919; foster son, George Valle in 1993; brother, Eustace French in 2000; and her beloved Bud in 2008.

Noreen spent her last days at her beloved ranch with her family by her side. Our mom was the greatest, and she will be missed dearly but she is now with Bud, her greatest love.

Per her wishes, there will be no services, just a quiet family memorial. Any donations can be made in her name to the Friends of Hospice Association, P.O. Box 216, Mariposa, CA 95338

Mariposa Gazette 4-16-2009 California

HoopsTer

04-21-2009, 04:08 PM

:heart:

Wende

04-21-2009, 06:40 PM

This thread makes me weepy :heart:

kramer

04-21-2009, 09:31 PM

<3

she sounds like a truly wonderful woman. you are lucky to have known her. much love, jemita <3 <3 <3

jemita

04-22-2009, 10:51 AM

thanks guys for all your love through this whole process, even years ago when posting about her strokes, and then losing grandpa, you women have been a great support!

much much much appreciated! <3

jemita

05-05-2009, 02:25 PM

howdy girls!!

well im stuck at the denver airport and wanted to share what an amazing memorial it was... seriously if i didnt have to go to another funeral or service for the rest of my life i would be ok, this was just so BEAUTIFUL! and wish all services in the future would be like this!

basically we all walked grandmas ashes out to the lake, about 30 of us, once at the lake we all sat in a circle(we had chairs already there) and the siblings all said a lil bit, then it was open to everyone, it was amazing to be able to see everyong feel this pain and loss, but release in our own way.... beautiful words, funny stories, all told from the heart. then we all had a chance to spread a lil bit of her ashes on the lake... properly saying good bye and thank you... amazing!

then back to the ranch and we all *** lucked it out, big BBQ, beers, and just hanging with family and laughing and smiling and tears... ending the night around a fire, with family...

seriously... amazing experience, so blessed my family is the way it is!!!

ok thats it, looks like they are boarding my plane... i think its time to start celebrating cinco de mayo!!!

love you girls! thanks so much for all your support!!!

musicmomma

05-05-2009, 02:34 PM

:heart: {{jema}}

HoopsTer

05-05-2009, 02:56 PM

Im so happy it was a wonderful experience for you, Jema!! :heart:

Any chance you'll make it to RMB at Mexicali next weekend? Id love to see your face!!!

jemita

05-06-2009, 10:29 AM

Im so happy it was a wonderful experience for you, Jema!! :heart:

Any chance you'll make it to RMB at Mexicali next weekend? Id love to see your face!!!

sorry love, ive made a commitment to myself, no concerts, shows or fests that are out of town this summer. saving every single penny!!!

please let me know next time your in town, id love to see you too :):heart:

HoopsTer

05-06-2009, 11:02 AM

wowsers! That's a big commitment, you go!
I have class that weekend, so I will be in the city on Saturday, Sunday and Monday...it's at the Beacon Theatre instead of AFH...Let me see how rock starish I really feel, maybe we could grab dinner on Saturday or Sunday...I think Tara said something about dinner in the city on Saturday??

jemita

05-06-2009, 01:21 PM

thanks! lots of commitments goin on in life right now, thats just one! but i feel good about it. im sure it will start sucking when i hear of all the great times had.... but hey ive had tons of great times in my lifetime!

ok will touch base with bff and let ya know!!!!! class at the beacon!!!! how cool is that!

jemita

05-06-2009, 01:22 PM

ok bff says dinner on sat! :) more details to come!

vinandtonic

05-06-2009, 01:25 PM

it sounds lovely Jema :heart:

HoopsTer

05-06-2009, 01:36 PM

ok bff says dinner on sat! :) more details to come!

Ok, keep me posted. :heart: