sleepover question

[katydid]

My daughter was invited to a birthday party sleepover from a little girl in her first grade class. I have never met the parents and am feeling a bit unsettled to send her overnight to a stranger's house.

I was wondering if any of you have had a similar situation or what your thoughts were.

My daughter is 6 and is dying to go. She knows her dad and I are unsure and she is already crying because she wants to go so badly.

Thoughts?

Thanks boardies moms!

[Nevrmore]

I would never drop my child that young at a house where I did not know the parents well and felt comfortable and safe doing so. I would go with her and volunteer to help, and then take her home when things started winding down.

[Drop_o_Rain]

I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't even let my child go over to a friends house to play without checking it out first.

Can you meet the parents first? Is there time to arrange a couple of times for the girl to come to your house before the party? I would not even drop my kid off at a party without knowing the parents, let alone a sleepover.

I am sure that your daughter is upset and crying. It will be the first of many times. Don't let her tears rule that house. You have to keep her safe. I think that Ravn's idea is the best if you can't meet the parents first.... Go with her and then leave after a couple of hours. Let your daughter know that it is your job to keep her safe and that you don't just send her to stranger's houses.

Good luck <3 I think that your instincts are right on here.

[Misha]

I don't mean to be overly paranoid but I wouldn't do it either. Just last night I went to a workshop presented by Parents for Megans Law. It was all about protecting children from sexual predators and abductions. One of the topics was how they discourage sleepovers because there have been many cases of children being molested during a sleepover.

Now, I went to dozens of sleepovers as a child and never had a problem but they were usually with close friends or relatives (still not fool proof but not many things are!).

[little frog]

this is sort of young for a sleepover party. wtf? inappropriate imho to have this sort of party for 1st graders

[TEO]

Any way you can meet the parents ahead of time?

Offer for you or B Real to assist with the party, and one of you sleep over?

So glad I grew up when I did, and did the rearing thing before society became
so unsafe.

[mamapajama]

I'd advise going over with her for a few hours of the evening part of the party and then bringing her home. You can get to know the parents a little and if they have any problem with this, that tells you something.

Emily had her first playdate with a little girl belonging to a family I didn't know at 6. I talked to the parents ahead of time, dropped her off for 2 hours and fretted the whole time. They were friends for awhile after that though. Another one came along that I didn't get a good feeling about and I went on the playdate with her. I didn't encourage that friendship.
For Caleb's first one like that at age 8, his dad went with him. He and that little boy are friends now.

Sleepovers were a little later for us and the first one where she went and I didn't know the family well, I called and asked lots of questions. Once the plan was for the girls attending to see "The Da Vinci Code" (at age 10 or 11). I told the mom I wasn't comfortable with that and we had a long conversation about why. I offered to show up at the theater and just take Em into a different movie. She ultimately changed the movie.

[Joia]

Yeah, um... no I would not let Rio stay at an overnight party. I would either go and hang out with the parents while the kids did whatever, or not do the party at all.

I had a middle school friend who;s dad tried to get me drunk and had made several passes at me when I was 11 and 12. I told and no one believed me. Her older sister killed herself shortly after she graduated, then people started to believe me more.

anyway... I dread the day Rio asks me to sleep over at someone's house.

PS: when I was in high school, Sarah b was not allowed to sleep over my house and if we wanted to have sleep overs, we had to stay at her house. I think it's perfectly acceptable to have a "no sleep over" rule!

[sarah b.]

you were such "a bad influence." :lol: but how did I wind up in your basement while you were hosting upstairs, if that restriction wasn't eventually lifted? ((good times))
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[katydid]

Thanks you guys for all you advice and thoughts on the topic.

Many good points were raised. I called the mom hosting the sleepover yesterday. She was very understanding about my aprehension. I also called a mutual friend whose daughter is going and sleeping over. It was kinda a reference check.

My daughter will go for the party part,than come home.

Misha-your points are my biggest fear.
Joia-that must have been just awful. I am so sorry.
Mama-the da vinci code????? wow

[Ginger Snap]

No sleepovers ever? While I think that folks must surely know the parents and feel comfortable and trust them, I think no sleepovers ever may be a little overboard. I mean, the facts remain that if children are vicitmized, it most often is by someone who the child and family knows and trusts. So does this mean I am never going to let my daughter be alone with her uncles? no. I do think if we are arming our children right out of the gate with the tools they need to be safe, and also keeping strong vigilance ourselves, and trusting our guts, than most often things are going to be fine.

In this case in particular, I think yor plan makes the most sense.