Wishing I could get pregnant again..

[Misha]

You guys have really been here for me and I just need to write this all down in a place that feels safe and supportive.

I've been so down lately because I'm 44 and getting pregnant again has proved to be so much of a challenge that I'm about ready to give up. I was diagnosed with Polycystic ovarian syndrome before Jude was born and had lots of fertility issues (as most of you know). But, with the help of a Reproductive Endocrinologist, Chinese Medicine and acupuncture, I was finally blessed with Jude. We no longer have health insurance that would pay for medical intervention and it's starting to depress the hell out of me.

I've even looked into adoption and the cut off age in many countries is 45.

I never dreamed I would fall so in love with being a mother and my heart aches when I think about not having another one. Especially because one of the great gifts in my life has been having a great brother and sister. Why did I wait so long? I mean, don't get me wrong, I feel so blessed to have Jude but I yearn for a little brother or sister for him.

Anyway, I'm just feeling really sad about it tonight and wanted to write it all down.

I love you guys!:heart:

[mamapajama]

Awww Mary. :heart:

I hope it works out for you. I know an older couple that adopted children from Russia that weren't babies (10 and 4 at the time). I know it's not the same as raising one from a baby but perhaps, someday, you could add to your family in such a way.

I do love having watched from a distant as you have loved being Jude's mom. It's beautiful.

[jerrylovinhippy]

:heart::heart::heart::heart:

[Misha]

Thank you both:heart:.

I know deep down inside that I will be at peace if in fact Jude does end up being a only child. But for some reason I'm really focusing on my regrets. I also know it doesn't do much good to wallow in regret.

[jerrylovinhippy]

Thank you both:heart:.

I know deep down inside that I will be at peace if in fact Jude does end up being a only child. But for some reason I'm really focusing on my regrets. I also know it doesn't do much good to wallow in regret.

I do the same thing, I just turned 32 and while I know it's still "young" I have some regrets about not having any babies yet....hopefully it will be sooner than later. I always wanted children and I still do, but it is a huge commitment, am I ready who knows. All I know is I'm great at beating myself up over would-haves/should-have.
Jude is very blessed to have such a wonderful Mommy and if and when you have more they will be equally as lucky.

Much love to you and your heart :heart::heart::heart:

[fire_rocket]

So much love to you, Misha. :heart: That has to be a heartbreaker! But you certainly lucked out already with Jude so who's to say there won't be another one. I'm crossing my fingers for you to get pregnant again. :heart:

[wabbit]

:heart: Everyone has already said my sentiments-- I worry too about being able to get pregnant again, I am only 35, but each person's body ages differently and I have no clue how "old" my body truly feels on the inside--

Sending you get pregnant again vibes...

If adoption isn't an option, would you consider fostering? I know alot of foster situations turn permanent..

((((misha)))) You are an awesome mommy, Jude is who he is because of you!!
:heart:

[TEO]

(((Misha))) :heart:

Have faith, that your life, Howie's and Jude's are unfolding as they should.

:heart:

[sums]

(((((mary))))) i have nothing to add except that i really feel your sadness. and you have a beautiful family :heart:

[RedSquirrel]

(((((Mary)))))) Sending you all kinds of love! :heart:

[shadeelady]

:heart: :heart: (((((misha))))) :heart: :heart:

[Drop_o_Rain]

:heart:

I hear ya, Mary.... I love you.

[KindGeeGirl]

:heart: :heart: :heart:

(on a side note I would NEVER have guessed you were 44)

[Mama Kel]

((((((((((Mary)))))))))):heart::heart::heart:

[Misha]

(((Misha))) :heart:

Have faith, that your life, Howie's and Jude's are unfolding as they should.

:heart:

Wise words:heart:

Thanks for all the love and support.

[LiL MaMa]

:heart::heart::heart::heart:

[sarah b.]

:heart:

[Wende]

So much love for you Mary.

[Beany]

You know Mary, when I was at the fertility doctor all those times trying to concieve Benji, there were women there trying for their 2nd. I would get so angry at them because I thought if they had one child already they were being selfish. Now I know differently. It's heartbreaking isn't it? But remember, thank God you had Jude!!! Now you're a mama and you always will be. Remember, we always want more of a good thing... be thankful for what you have. Sometimes it's enough.
PS- I'm going throught the same thing as you. :heart:
I think of the same things as you all the time but I know of many, many only children who turned out just as happy as those with sibblings. Ha even happier! LOL

[soulshiny]

(((Misha))) :heart:

Have faith, that your life, Howie's and Jude's are unfolding as they should.

:heart:


:heart::heart::heart:

[little frog]

sending you kokopelli healing vibes beautiful mary ... :heart: keep the faith that all that happens is meant to happen



http://www.maverickcreations.com/art-gallery/watercolor/kokopelli.jpg

[Creekie]

:heart:Mary, you're so wonderful. I understand what you're feeling. I worry about having another at some point with my health issues,too. I have endometriosis. I don't know what else to say other than what i tell myself, (which I'm sure you do) that at least I was blessed with julia, and i'll be the best mom i can to her.
We don't always know the plan, but we can make the best of what we have,and know everything has purpose.
you have your beautiful little man. life is good.:heart:

[lil pixi]

:heart:Mary, you're so wonderful. I understand what you're feeling. I worry about having another at some point with my health issues,too. I have endometriosis. I don't know what else to say other than what i tell myself, (which I'm sure you do) that at least I was blessed with julia, and i'll be the best mom i can to her.
We don't always know the plan, but we can make the best of what we have,and know everything has purpose.
you have your beautiful little man. life is good.:heart:

=*-(

It's just not fair what some of us have to go through when all we want is children.

I get so scared something will happen before I even get that 1st child.
I'd die.

:heart: Much love & healthy wishes to you, Misha. :heart:

[Misha]

You know Mary, when I was at the fertility doctor all those times trying to concieve Benji, there were women there trying for their 2nd. I would get so angry at them because I thought if they had one child already they were being selfish. Now I know differently. It's heartbreaking isn't it? But remember, thank God you had Jude!!! Now you're a mama and you always will be. Remember, we always want more of a good thing... be thankful for what you have. Sometimes it's enough.
PS- I'm going throught the same thing as you. :heart:
I think of the same things as you all the time but I know of many, many only children who turned out just as happy as those with sibblings. Ha even happier! LOL

Thank you Beany:heart: I really miss you and hope you can come visit soon.

I'm feeling more at peace with it all this week. Thanks again you guys