Do you ever just not want to feel things so deeply?? [Archive]

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lost-in-boston

01-21-2009, 12:02 PM

I feel like everytime something happens in my life it hits my emotions in such an excrutiating way, whether it be good or bad.
Lately I just have been feeling that I want to disconnect and I have no idea how.
I let my loved one's decisions impact me so greatly and I'm exhausted by all of it.

I'm hurting in such a big way and I can't find words to even talk about it. It hurts from my head to my toes and all organs in between...

yeah....I just really want to disconnect right now and dont even know where to begin. I'm an only child yet I've never really cared about "me" and only me. Sure I'm selfish at times but only to a point....I'm the first one to tend to someone else rather than deal w/ what is going on in my own heart, or health even. And no I'm so not patting myself on the back for this, bc in the long run, all I really have to count on and to lean on is just me, and when I dont take care of me, there's no one there to lean on at all....
And that is depressing the shit outa me today. :undecided:

Sorry, I had to put this out of my head somewhere that no one would ask for explanation...I dont have one to give.

bsktcase

01-21-2009, 12:24 PM

:Hug:

I go through the deep feeling thing from time to time and find it very hard to distance my emotions. Sometimes I just feel things more deeply than I want to.

Find someone you care about to give you a REAL hug. You don't even have to explain why you need one if you don't want to. You seem like a very sweet person....I'm sure they owe you one anyway. ;)

sums

01-21-2009, 02:41 PM

check this out. it has helped me more than i can explain :heart:

http://www.shambhala.org/teachers/pema/tonglen1.php

Jersey Thug

01-21-2009, 05:06 PM

i am sorry you're hurting :heart:

(((Tatum)))

to answer the question, i used to not want to feel things so deeply. a LOT. my emotions and lack of control over them caused me a great deal of embarassment and pain.

now i appreciate that part of me, the emotional, heart-on-my-sleeve part i mean, and am consciously trying to experience things fully without automatically assigning negative connotations to my emotions. if that makes any sense?

this book/woman has been helpful:

http://www.amazon.com/Places-That-Scare-You-Fearlessness/dp/1570624097

Jersey Thug

01-21-2009, 05:07 PM

check this out. it has helped me more than i can explain :heart:

http://www.shambhala.org/teachers/pema/tonglen1.php

whoah :lol:

seriously Tatum, she's good. let me know if you'd like to borrow a book or two, i'll bring them at the end of the month.

sums

01-21-2009, 05:47 PM

wow jennie! :lol: how cool :) :heart:

lost-in-boston

01-21-2009, 08:02 PM

Well ladies if thats not a sign Idk what is.
I would love to borrow books Jennie.

I have always been the "heart on your sleeve" girl...and since I lost my mom I just feel so vulnerable.

and some news got me to thinking about my life...and my plan.
I'm going to be 30 in 2 weeks and I don't have a plan. I roll w/ everyone else's plan.
I've never had a plan that makes ME happy...and seeing someone else happy has always been good enough for me.
Guess thats not the case right now. :undecided:

fire_rocket

01-22-2009, 03:22 PM

:heart: :heart:

sarah b.

01-22-2009, 04:21 PM

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz is another book that's kind of neat (it's more on the not-personalizing/not-emotional end of things, though).

sums

01-22-2009, 04:43 PM

"don't take anything personally" is the agreement i struggle with. i have no problem with the other three, but that one.... that one's a bitch! :lol:

little frog

01-22-2009, 05:10 PM

i love that book Sarah .. i'm also reading Eckhart Tolle Stillness Speaks .. i'm blown away by this book, i carry it everywhere.

sarah b.

01-22-2009, 06:30 PM

thanks for the lead, froggy. I've been meaning to check him out.

HoopsTer

01-23-2009, 12:17 PM

HoopsTer

01-23-2009, 12:17 PM

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz is another book that's kind of neat (it's more on the not-personalizing/not-emotional end of things, though).

That is on my bookshelf as well :)

lost-in-boston

01-23-2009, 01:15 PM

That book is on my bookshelf upstairs, along with a number of other good ones. :)

LOL
shoulda known...

(((bookworm))) :heart:

HoopsTer

01-23-2009, 02:29 PM

:grin: :heart:

Bonsai

01-23-2009, 10:14 PM

(((Lost-in-Boston))) :heart: Sorry to hear that you're hurting.

I don't wear my heart on my sleeve, but I have anger management issues so I totally understand not wanting to feel things so deeply and intensely and wanting to disconnect from your emotions. I'm trying to let go of a lot of the anger and bitterness I'm feeling right now due to my current situation (long story.) It's not working very well but I continue to try. That's all you can do, right?

sums

01-24-2009, 11:02 AM

Bonsai

01-27-2009, 03:35 PM

hi bonsai, it's good to see you here! :) and i'm sorry you're having a tough time with anger. i've been there. here's an excellent book if you feel like checking it out:

anger (http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Anger/Thich-Nhat-Hanh/e/9781573229371/?itm=7#TABS)

Hi Summer! I'm feeling better this week. That looks like a really interesting book, as well as some of the others listed above. Thanks for the recommendation! I think I need to take a trip to library and pick up a couple. I need to reset my head.

lost-in-boston

01-27-2009, 04:14 PM

Hi Summer! I'm feeling better this week. That looks like a really interesting book, as well as some of the others listed above. Thanks for the recommendation! I think I need to take a trip to library and pick up a couple. I need to reset my head.

me too Meg. AND my priorities...
:rolleyes:
*sigh*

Bonsai

01-27-2009, 10:11 PM

me too Meg. AND my priorities...
:rolleyes:
*sigh*

It happens from time to time. There's no shame in it (easier for me to say that apply to myself.) It's weird how sometimes it's so difficult to put your own needs first. And then sometimes you think you are, but you're really just tricking yourself. Minds are complicated! :joker:

china cat

01-28-2009, 01:50 PM

"don't take anything personally" is the agreement i struggle with. i have no problem with the other three, but that one.... that one's a bitch! :lol:

good book.

i agree, summer. it is difficult to follow this one. i'm torn here because our identity, in large part, is constructed by others--from birth our parents, peers, and culture tell us who we are and formulate ideas of self. it seems difficult, if not impossible, to separate my ideas about self from other people's ideas about myself.

On the other hand... people's words, behaviors, feedback, criticisms are more representative of themselves (their perceptual lens, their wounds, their values, their expectations, their life experience) than us. when we really understand that, a deeply empowering shift occurs

sums

01-28-2009, 06:57 PM

in that book, he talks about "making new agreements" with yourself but what really needs to happen is a "reprogramming" of ourselves, which is much easier said than done. this is why affirmations are so powerful and that tonglen exercise i posted a link to. it takes a lot of practice to free ourselves from those old, deep bonds to agreements that were programmed into us before we had any idea what was going on.

Bonsai

01-28-2009, 07:43 PM

good book.

i agree, summer. it is difficult to follow this one. i'm torn here because our identity, in large part, is constructed by others--from birth our parents, peers, and culture tell us who we are and formulate ideas of self. it seems difficult, if not impossible, to separate my ideas about self from other people's ideas about myself.

On the other hand... people's words, behaviors, feedback, criticisms are more representative of themselves (their perceptual lens, their wounds, their values, their expectations, their life experience) than us. when we really understand that, a deeply empowering shift occurs

Exactly true! I've gotten to the point where I've had that realization shift and I actually for the most part understand how not to take things personally. But now I'm trying get over the confusion and anger I feel at how I've been shaped by internalizing the external stimuli throughout the past, and forgive and take responsibility for it. I think I have made a lot of things harder for myself as a result of being shaped in ways that were beyond my control. I think once I can get over that I can get out of the way of being at peace with myself.

Sunshower

02-13-2009, 11:47 AM

I have struggled with this quite often in the past year, Tatum. I know exactly how you feel. Lately, I just find that I cannot deal with it anymore and it makes me feel selfish (serioulsy). I have learned to just sit and breathe and try to put myself in a better place. I need to do much work on this too!:heart: